That Unfresh Feeling Blog

Why, Raekwon? Why?

2010-08-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

Fucking Mel Gibson...

2010-07-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

I am generally a very "live and let live" kind of a guy. I am not a reactionary, easily offended, P.C. moron. I believe that words are just words, not weapons. But sometimes someone says something that is completely unforgivable. And if that person happens to be Mel Gibson, he says multiple things that are unforgivable.I have not watched a single Mel Gibson movie since he made those comments about Jews a couple of years back and I have vowed to never watch one again (this hasn't been difficult considering the handful of shitty projects he has made recently).

I believe wholeheartedly in the fist amendment and I don't think Mel should be punished legally or even have to apologize for those, or any other, remarks. He is the right to say whatever pops into his whacked out brain. However, I have the right to vote with my wallet and never give the man another one of my dollars.

As I'm sure you have heard, there is a new audio recording of Gibson circulating the web.

Click here to take a listen.

Fuck you Mel Gibson. I hope the domestic violence allegations are true and you get sent to the poke. I'm sure the inmates will love your racist tirades, hack.

P.S.
Call me a fag all you want, but I have always contended (and still vehemently contend) that Braveheart isn't even that great.

Here we go again...

2010-06-28T21:52:00.001-07:00

In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit that it has been a long time (at least a season and a half) since I have found Entourage to be genuinely funny. That isn't to say that the show sucks or isn't entertaining because it is. However, it is entertaining in the way an episode of Cribs is entertaining. Sure, it's fun to see all the big mansions, sweet rides and hot chicks; I just wish the show made me laugh the way it did for the first couple of seasons. At times last season it got to the point where I started to wish that the show would drop Vince and the guys completely and reboot with Ari representing a new up-and-coming star (although it would be nice if they figured out a way to keep Drama involved somehow). An even better idea would be a buddy-cop show with Ari and Lloyd as partners on a very socially progressive police force (maybe Sawyer and Miles from Lost could co-star).

Unfortunately, the first episode of season seven is not any funnier than seasons five and six were. While watching the episode I kept a running tab of the number of times I smiled, chuckled or laughed. The score card reads as such: Three smiles, one chuckle, ZERO LAUGHS. The lone chuckle came, of course, during a scene with Drama and Lloyd (two of the show's saving graces). Drama visits Lloyd (who is now a full blown agent) for career help, explaining to him, "This is my livelihood, Lloyd. And my dream." Lloyd responds sweetly, "You think I don't know that?" and tenderly grabs Drama's hand. Drama wrenches his hand away with a look of pure disgust on his face. Chuckle-worthy, right? But if this is the funniest scene in an episode of a show that is supposed to be a comedy, there is a problem.

Recapping the plot of the episode is almost an exercise in redundancy. If you are at all familiar with the show, than you already know what happens. Vince has a problem with the director of his current movie so he calls E for help. E can't get the job done so he calls Ari. Ari berates a couple of underlings. Drama is out of work so he goes to Ari for help, but Ari is too busy with running an agency to help. Turtle drives around a lot and embarrassingly strikes out with a chick. Vince has a close call on set, but ends up fine and everyone is happy by the time the ending credits roll. However, the episode did end on a high note with one of my all-time favorite songs, Gangstarr and Inspectah Deck's "Above the Clouds" playing as Mark Wahlberg's name flashed onto the screen.

Am I totally off base for not liking this episode more? What did everyone else think?

"I saved your life, Jesse. Are you going to save mine?"

2010-06-20T14:22:00.001-07:00

Season 3 of Breaking Bad goes out with a bang (albeit a someone ambiguous bang), literally. As the screen goes black and the echo of gunfire hangs in the air, we are left to contemplate how Walt and Jesse got to this moment and where they are going from here.

The intro gives us a bit of back story, showing Walt (sporting a full head of hair) and a pregnant Skylar (sporting a full belly of Walter Jr.) house shopping. This scene serves as a sobering reminder of just how "bad" things have "broken" for Walt and his family. As the couple walk through what will become their home, Walt is unimpressed. He wants something bigger, with two more bedrooms. When Skylar reminds him of their budgetary constraints Walt responds, "Why be cautious? We have nowhere to go but up!"

Even in his worst nightmare Young Walt could have never imagined how much trouble Present-day Walt has caused. With the Heisenberg hat squarely on his bald head, Walt meets Gus in the desert to face the music. Although he is hardly negotiating from a position of strength, Walt gives Gus two options: He could kill Walt on the spot and try to track down and kill Jesse, or Walt could get back to cooking and Gus can forget about the whole mess with the murdered drug dealers. Walt prefers the second option and for the time being, Gus seems to agree.

Breaking Bad could just as accurately have been titled Breaking Point. It is a study in what human beings will do when they are backed into a corner, pushed to the limit. If you were diagnosed with terminal cancer, how far would you go to provide for your family? Would you manufacture illegal drugs? What would you do if someone you cared about was in danger? Would you intervene, even if that meant risking your own safety? What if your life was on the line? Could you murder a (relatively) innocent person?

Gale makes a triumphant return as Walt's assistant cook. He is very eager to learn the ins and outs of Walt's process, which raises a red flag. It is clear that it was Gus' intention to have Gale take over after Walt's inevitable death, which so many viewers assumed to be the case all along. Walt, who seems to be one step ahead of Fring a lot lately, assumes correctly that his run as Gus' personal chef is close to an end and conjures up a contingency plan.

That plan, of course, is the murder of Walt's assistant/replacement Gale. Walt knows that Gus cannot afford to have a production stoppage, even a temporary one, so if Gale is out of the picture Walt becomes irreplaceable. Jesse, who unlike Walt, has never taken another man's life, is not very excited about this idea. He suggests that he can go on the run and Walt could go to the Feds for witness protection. "Never the D.E.A.," Walt responds. My guess is that Walt would rather die than cause his family the humiliation that would be the result of a D.E.A. agent's brother-in-law entering witness protection.

The original scheme was for Jesse to find out where Gale lives and then call Walt with the location so Walt can do the actual deed. A wrench is thrown into the plan when Walt is apprehended by Mike the Cleaner and brought to the lab to be "cleaned". In a sad and pathetic sequence Walt pleads for his life and offers to give Jesse up in exchange for a reprieve. Mike seems amenable to this idea and gives Walt his cell phone to call Jesse and arrange a meet. Instead, Walt tells Jesse that he has been captured and that Jesse will have to murder Gale.

As I mentioned before, the final scene of the episode was a bit ambiguous, although show creator Vince Gilligan claims this was completely unintentional. The way the final shot was edited, the viewer is left to question whether or not Gale is dead. This is clearly a mistake in direction and editing and certainly worth grumbling about, however viewers shouldn't use it as an excuse to hate on an otherwise excellent season. The only other thing I didn't love about the finale is the absence of any semblance of closure with the Skylar and Hank story arcs.

The interesting thing about this latest turn of events for Walter is the question of whether, by having Gale killed, has the White character turned even more dark (see what I did there?) or has he started down the path toward redemption?

Ex-Hell's Angel claims FX stole his show idea

2010-06-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

According to TMZ, a former Hell's Angel biker is suing FX, claiming the cable channel stole his idea for a show about an "outlaw motorcycle club." Chuck Zito, a biker turned actor, says that he brought the concept for a show (which would eventually become Sons of Anarchy) to FX in 1998. Apparently this guy Zito had a small role on HBO's prison drama Oz, which isn't that surprising. His publicity photo looks like a mug shot you would see on the sex-offender registry.

Zito is asking for more than $5,000,000 in damages from FX for breach of contract.

Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter fired back in a blog post, denying that Zito had anything to do with the creation of SoA and calling him a "loser" and a "delusional b****". Well, my guess is Zito's lawyers are preparing a defamation of character law suit as we speak.

HBO Releases New Boardwalk Empire Trailer

2010-06-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

HBO has just released a new trailer for its upcoming prohibition-era gangster series Boardwalk Empire. We have had a few glimpses at the show previously, but this trailer is the first to include any dialogue or indication of a particular story arc.

Boardwalk Empire, which stars Steve Buscemi as Atlantic City crime-boss Nucky Thompson, is written and produced by Terence Winter, a Sopranos alum, with direction from Martin Scorsese. Both sets of fingerprints are all over this trailer. Apparently, Boardwalk is the most expensive project HBO has ever undertaken (which is surprising, given the expense of Rome), and it shows. The look of the show is very crisp and cool, the costumes and sets look great. Winter's and Scorsese's Atlantic City is both glamorous and dangerous.

Boardwalk Empire makes its debut this fall, so as we get closer expect to see more in-depth trailers hit the web.

Preview Trailer #3

BIG ASS ANNOUNCEMENT!

2010-06-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

We at ThatUnfreshFeeling are proud to announce that this blog will now be carried on Examiner.com. To access my page on the Examiner website click here.

This is very big news for me personally, as this is the first time any legitimate publication has shown any interest in this site or its material. I want to thank everyone who visits ThatUnfreshFeeling for helping me make this happen. All of your support is very greatly appreciated.

Now that I have been provided the opportunity of a larger platform, I will need your help more than ever. Here are a few little things you can do help me:

- Visit my page on Examiner.com and click the "Subscribe" button. You will get an email each time something new is posted.

- Tell a friend. I have bosses and shit now, so the more people who read my articles the less likely it is that my editors will think I'm a hack. Use facebook, twitter, tag the URL on a bathroom stall, I don't care. Just help me get the word out.

- Comment on the articles. My goal is to get actual conversations started about the specific shows in the comments section of my page. Post a comment, any comment. If you want to disagree with a review or tell me about a new show you have or just call me an ass-hole, please do.

- Make my page your homepage. I know this is a lot to ask, but if I got a hit each time you opened your browser, that would go a very long way.

Please don't stop visiting ThatUnfreshFeeling. I will continue to post everything I write on here along with some stuff I can't get away with posting on Examiner.com (they have editorial standards, I don't). Thanks again for all of the support!

Anyone got $2500 I can borrow?

2010-06-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

This might be a tad blasphemous but I am going to say it anyway. Marlo was one of my least favorite characters on The Wire (mainly because he just wasn't as charismatic as Avon or String). However, Jamie Hector, the actor who portrayed the up and coming Westside kingpin, may be my new favorite human being.

Somebody get Oslo on the phone, I would like to nominate Jamie for the Nobel Peace Prize...ok, an NAACP Image Award is might be more do-able, but fuck it, shoot for the stars right? This American hero is putting together an event to benefit his non-profit organization, Moving Mountains, called "The Streets Vs. Law: Paintball Tournament 2010". On this Saturday, for the paltry sum of $2500 (for the VIP package), you and a group of friends can exchange gun-fire with some of your favorite characters from The Wire, including Omar, Snoop, Slim Charles, Carver, and Kima. All I can say is that I am in the process of trying to sell a kidney or testicle to finance my ticket to this tournament.

In preparation for the event I went to the sporting goods store in search of a paintball gun. The sales person sold me on what he called "the Cadillac of paintball guns". He meant Lexus, but he ain't know. I paid him with a wad of hundreds in the aisle of the store. He certainly earned that bump like a muh'fucker.

My plan is to show up to the event dressed in a black suit with a bow-tie and demand to be teamed up with Michael K. Williams, although I will probably have to wait in line behind a bunch of gay, Hispanic gentlemen.

I have but two bones to pick with this otherwise glorious event:
The event is in New York, not Baltimore. What gives, Marlo?
It doesn't appear that the guy who played Rawls is participating. I would empty my bank account for the chance to throw a few hot ones at his punk ass.

Here is a link to the the event's website.

"Hey look, its Cameron from Ferris Bueller!"

2010-06-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first installment of NBC's Persons Unknown. The network is calling this show a summer-long mini-series, but it seems more like a summer-long tryout. The series is 13 episodes long, the typical number of episodes for cable series and a tad too many for your average mini-series.

Persons Unknown is a classic example of a show with a very cool premise but sub-par execution. I was instantly reminded of the movie Cube, but the show also has a bit of a Saw vibe as well. The idea behind the show is cool, if not completely original, the set pieces look great, but unfortunately the acting, direction and writing leave quite a bit to be desired.

The plot is a pretty straight forward mystery, kind of Hitchcock meets Clue. A handful of strangers from different walks of life with (seemingly) nothing in common are kidnapped and wake up in strange hotel rooms. Upon breaking out of the rooms and encountering their fellow hostages they group discovers that they are being held captive in an old fashioned ghost town which looks a lot like a studio back lot (in a cool way), complete with sheriff's department, general store (empty), Chinese restaurant and clothing store, all surrounded by omniscient, black-domed security cameras (it seems like every other shot is through the vantage point of these cameras, which gets pretty distracting). Two of the hostages atempt to make a run for it, only to discover that they are carrying around biometric implants that administer a dose of tranquilizer when they cross the invisible boundary around the perimeter of the town.

A wrinkle is thrown into the plot with a story line involving a reporter who gets his hands on a security tape of one of the hostages being kidnapped which leads to a weird interview with the hostages bizarre (possibly involved with the kidnappings?) mother. This plot device doesn't work very well and takes the viewer out of the very cool world of the ghost-town and back to the not-so-interesting real world. Clearly, these scenes will serve a purpose down the line, but they are pretty boring none the less.

Aside from the problems with the acting and the script, I had a bit of an issue with the way that NBC is marketing this show. The tag-line of Persons Unknown is "By the end of this summer, All questions will be answered", which sort of positions the show as the anti-Lost. NBC is basically saying to their audience, "Were you disappointed by Lost? Do you like mysteries that take place in interesting settings? Yes? Well, then do we have a show for you!" The problem here is that by drawing a parallel between Unknown Persons and Lost, they are setting themselves up for failure. Lost, for all its faults, was a pretty damn great show, with not only an extremely interesting and controversial premise, but above average writing and performances by the actors. Unknown Persons is going to have to offer more than the promise of answers to even sniff Lost's greatness. Not only that, but the show's devotion to moving the plot along and "answering questions" comes at the expense of fleshing out the characters. I worry that by the end of the summer when the all of the answers are in, no one will be left to care about what the questions were. That said, it is the summer season, so what the hell else is on? I'll probably check it out for at least a couple more weeks. You should too.

"Murder is not part of your 12 Step Program."

2010-06-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a hell of a week, so I will spare everyone a full review/recap of the episode. Instead, I offer a quick list of pros and cons on the episode and the direction the show is taking.

Things I liked:

The opening montage with Meth-Mouth Wendy blowing a precession of guys. As gay as it sounds, the Association's "Windy" always puts me in a good mood.

Skylar researching money laundering on Wikipedia.

Mike The Cleaner's "Half-measures" monologue. This scene is a testament to the show's greatness. Even a bit player in the series is able to deliver an astonishingly captivating performance if called upon.

Marie's bet with Hank.

The scene with both Walts watching Jeopardy together. As a kid I watched countless hours of the game-show with my dad, each of us trying to shout out the answer (or question, in this case) before the other.

Jesse getting high again. It seems that every great drama features a character that battles a substance problem and when the character falls of the wagon it is a cue to the audience that shit is about to hit the fan. Think Chrissy (Sopranos), McNulty (The Wire), Tommy (Rescue Me).

The most gruesomely bad-ass vehicular homicide committed to film. You got the guy flying ass-over-elbows into the air as well as the guy mangled in under the tires. I guess Walt is going to need yet another new windshield.

Things I didn't like so much:

This season has been a bit ADD in regards to the plots. Case and point: The Cousins. They arrived on the scene with a bang and everyone anticipated that as the season unfolded they would get closer and closer to Walt, leading to a late-season show down. Instead, they arrived at Walt's doorstep just an episode or two later and their entire story was wrapped up mid-season. Also, they brought back Combo's murder and the ramifications of it up out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I love tie-ins to prior seasons, but these two street level dealers that Jesse and Walt are faced with are nowhere near as cool as the Cousins.

As intense as the sit-down between Gus, Walt, Jesse and the two dealers was, I just wasn't buying it. Gus is a smart guy and the head of a multi-state, multi-million dollar drug empire. If The Wire has taught us anything it is that the top guys in a drug organization would never, ever be caught in the same room as the street level dealers.

Symbolism, Schmymbolism

2010-05-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

"The Fly" is a textbook example of television writers trying to prove that they are smarter than their audience. David Chase did this every so often on The Sopranos, specifically with the dream sequences and coma episodes. These episodes are heavy on the symbolism and light on actual plot. I consider myself to be a pretty bright guy, particularly when it comes t.v. shows, but I struggled mightily to comprehend what I was watching. Clearly something deep was going on, I just couldn't tell exactly what that something was.

This week all of the business with Hank, Marie, Gus, the Cartel, Saul, and Skylar was tabled in favor of a heavy dose of Walt and Jesse at work. The entire episode is spent dealing with a containment in the lab, namely a solitary fly.

Walt is clearly losing it, to the extent that Jesse asks, in all seriousness, whether Walt was sampling their product. Given Walt's behavior in the episode, that seems like a pretty legitimate question. Then Jesse, astutely, suggests that Walt's cancer my have spread to his brain. Walt poo-poo's both of these theories and continues to chase the fly around the lab like a maniac, falling off catwalks, constructing elaborate fly swatters and eventually convincing Jesse to join in the lunacy.

Walt becomes a tab more coherent toward the end of the episode (after Jesse slips some sleeping pills into his coffee) when he admits that he wishes he had died before the cancer went into remission. He laments that his oncologist has given him a clean bill of health and that there is "no end in sight". Things were simpler when he had an actual end game, making enough money to support his family after his imminent death. "I've lived too long, you want them to actually miss you," he tells Jesse, in reference to Skylar and his kids.

While I certainly didn't completely "get" this episode, I have to give the show props for making a silly "fly chase" ultra-suspenseful. The best example is toward the end when Jesse is teetering on a ladder stacked on-top of cabinets with wheels trying to kill the fly. Walt is struggling to stay awake while holding the ladder steady and babbling about Jane. Is Jesse going to slip? Is Walt going to let go of the ladder? Is Walt going to spill the beans about Jane's death? None of these happen, but for a second or two they all seem possible, which is how suspense is supposed to make you feel.

So what the hell does the fly represent? Comments with ideas and guesses would be much appreciated.

"One taste and you'll know..."

2010-05-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

Breaking Bad utilizes the first minute of each episode better than any show on TV right now. The flashbacks and little vignettes that air before the opening credits do an amazing job at showing (not telling) the audience details about the world in which these character's operate. This season alone we have been treated to nuggets like the origin of the infamous RV, the Cousins as kids in Mexico, and of course this week's awesome Pollos Hermanos commercial (more on this later). The second great success of the week is the show's uncanny ability to provide game-changing plot development and extreme power-shifts through simple conversations between people. The two conversations I am referring to this week (between Walt and Gus and between Skylar, Marie and Walt) were every bit as intense as any shoot out or car chase could hope to be.

I, like most television viewers, cannot stand commercials. That said, how sweet was the Pollos commercial the show opened with? Not only did the opening sequence give us a (most likely bullshit) story about the humble beginnings of the restaurant, but also a detailed look into the logistics of Gus Fring's less legitimate business operation. In a tight, concise pseudo-montage we get a look how the meth is cooked (Walt and Jesse toiling in the lab), processed (using a system so sophisticated it makes Nino Brown's crack factory look like Namond's bedroom-bagging-operation), packaged (in Pollos fry batter buckets which are stamped with black light ink to make them identifiable) and shipped (using Pollos delivery trucks) to the various Pollos Hermanos franchise locations that make up Fring's territory.

Sometimes, with all of the idiotic and naive things that he does and says, it is easy to forget just how smart Walt really is. He reminds us this week when he calls a sit down with Gus to clear the air. Walt has put together the pieces of Gus' master plan to separate himself and his operation from the Cartel. During this scene Walt is extremely calm, speaking softly and slowly, while Gus quietly listens, which makes the whole thing feel even more tense. In one of the most jarring pieces of dialog, Walt says to Fring, "I know I owe you my life, and more than that, I respect the strategy. In your position, I would have done the same." The respect seems to be mutual, as Fring appears impressed that Walt has figured everything out. Then, in a moment that secures this episode's place in the pantheon of great hours of television, Walt asks the question that everyone on the blogs and message boards have been debating all season; What happens once the three month contract is up? The consensus was that Fring would use Walt for his formula and then get rid of him once the three months had passed. Not so fast, internet TV geeks. Gus does the unthinkable; he offers Walt an open ended contract worth $15,000,000 per year. Isn't it amazing how Walt vacillates between totally clueless and completely razor sharp?

I think we are witnessing the beginning of the end for my boy Jesse. I don't know if he is extremely greed, just plain dumb, or some combination of both. He has done some figuring of his own and calculated that the value of the product he and Walt are cooking is in the neighborhood of $96,000,000. He is unsatisfied with his $1.5 million cut and claims that he and Walt are getting "fisted". Walt responds with, "You are now a millionaire, and you're complaining? What world are you living in?" Sick of being everyone's bitch, Jesse decided to skim some of the blue meth from the lab and sell it on the side with Badger and Skinny Pete. Evil Jesse (the guy that convinced an innocent teen to accept a bag of meth in exchange for a tank of gas) returns as he starts to advertise his product in his NA meetings. This can only end badly for Jesse. It is only a matter of time until Gus finds out what he is up to and puts a quick, violent end to it.

The episode ends with yet another classic scene. With Hank's medical bills piling up and insurance balking, Skylar offers a solution. She explains to Marie, with Walt sitting idly by, that Walt has made a small fortune playing black jack and that they would be glad to finance Hank's recovery. She seems to have genuinely come to grips with the motivation behind Walt's criminality, which would make sense given the warmer treatment she has been giving him since last week. All of that is shattered in the final moments, when Walt tries to congratulate her on the great display of bullshitting he had just witnessed. Skylar calmly, and coldly tells Walt that she suspects that he is the reason that Hank is in the hospital and she will never forget that.

Leftovers:
I got a strong Bubs vibe when Jesse was telling the story in NA about when he traded a box he built for an ounce of weed. By the way, who wouldn't trade a lame-ass box for a fat sack?

How funny was it when Jesse referred to his job as "totally corporate"?

Hank was pumping that morphine button pretty hard. I smell an opiate addiction in someone's future.

Saul's money-laundering lesson with q-tips and cotton balls was very informative. Does anyone on TV do more with less screen time than Bob Odenkirk on this show?

The final thing I have written down in my notes about this episode is "Best episode of the season". I still feel that way

Who's up for a rousing game of Truth or Claire?

2010-05-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't written about Modern Family in awhile because I have already made my feelings about the show pretty clear (I love it) and it is kind of tough to write an entire column every week about a half-hour sitcom. But last night's episode, "Hawaii", was too good not to talk about, if for no other reason than to rehash some of the awesome zingers.

This episode was the second in a three-part season finale dealing with the family going on vacation to Hawaii for Jay's birthday. Generally, I hate these "The Gang Goes on Vacation, Check Out These Fish Out of Water"-type episodes, but the Modern Family writers have proven that they are smart enough to avoid making these episodes feel hackneyed.

"Hawaii" followed the typical "3 main stories, with a couple of peripheral stories" format that works so well on this show. The first story involves Phil and Claire (a.k.a the prettiest white woman on Maui), who get a chance to have the honeymoon they never got when they got married because Claire was pregnant with Hailey ("My bad!!!"). Phil, of course, is more into the whole thing than Claire is. She claims that she is "a mom traveling with three children, this is not a vacation, this is a business trip". Undeterred, as always, Phil attempts to carry her across the threshold (a.k.a. the hotel lobby) but can only lift her about halfway. "God, you're solid," Phil gasps. Great line.

For me, the best part of this episode were the scenes with Manny and Luke, who are forced to share a hotel room. I absolutely love these two characters together. ABC should consider lending them out to the Disney Channel for a Suite Life With Zach and Cody-esque spin off where Manny and Luke are sent away to boarding school together. You know you would watch that. Luke breaks in the hotel room by jumping on the beds, Manny inspects the closets ("Score, there's an iron in here!" An iron that Luke ends up making prison-style grilled cheese sandwiches with). While Manny unpacks his linen jacket and fedora, Luke throws a shower cap over his face and arms himself with a hotel hairdryer, transforming into a "Bathroom Martian from the Nebula of the Great Toilet". Classic. Later, Luke complains to his family that, "Manny is the worst roommate ever, everything he finds, he folds. Last night we had a fire drill. Not the hotel, just us."

Jay is dealing with a reminder from his brother than their father died when he was Jay's age, 63, by abandoning his plans of relaxation and indulgence in favor a commitment to get back in shape. This leads to a couple of decent sight gags involving Jay pulling his back out and getting stuck in a hammock with Phil.

Meanwhile, Cam and Mitchell take relaxation a bit too far, losing Lily, not once but twice. The first time in the hotel and the second time at a banana plantation. This was probably the weakest of the stories, but it did lead to the best line of the night. Panicked, Mitchell questions Cam's wardrobe choice for Lily, "Why did you dress her in jungle print?! She's going to think she is back in Vietnam!" I nearly spit out my Natty Boh. I love it when they make jokes about Lily's Asain roots, like when Jay calls her his "little potsticker" early on in the season.

Taking advantage of the lack of parental supervision, Hailey gets drunk and ends up sick in the hotel bathroom. Claire warns her, "One minute you're having wine coolers and the next minute the game Truth or Claire sweeps your high school." Damn, that sounds like a kick-ass game.

Eventually Phil realizes why he and Claire can't have a true honeymoon; they haven't had a real wedding. In true MF fashion, the episode ends with the whole family coming together for and "awwww" moment. Phil surprises Claire with a ceremony at which they renew their vows while a Hawaiian guy plays a sweet ukulele version of "Eye of The Tiger".

As hilarious as this episode was, the best part of it was getting to see all of the female characters in bathing suits. Here are my grades:
Claire: B-
She appears to have had a boob job awhile ago and they are starting to kind of separate. Not great.
Gloria: B
Pretty nice, but she is working with some seriously large thighs, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I think I detected a bit of cellulite.
Hailey: A
Although we don't get to see her in a full bathing suit, we get a scene with her in a bikini top. My thoughts on Hailey are already on record so I won't beat dead horse. I probably would have given an A+ but her bathing suit scene happened right after she threw up and was flopped on the bathroom floor. Well, actually now that I think about it, that makes it even hotter: A fucking +.
Alex: A+
Who doesn't enjoy a pre-teen in a bikini? Kidding, kidding, calm down people.

"Tell your douchebag brother-in-law to head towards the light"

2010-05-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

This week's Breaking Bad episode followed a similar arc to last week's. Most of the episode was devoted to dealing with the aftermath of the last few minutes of the previous episode, with a spurt of violence coming just before the ending credits. While "I See You" wasn't quite as strong as the few previous eps, it certainly had a few moments of brilliance, which we have come to expect from the show.

First, Walt informs Gale that he will be replaced. Gale responds, rather pathetically with, "I thought things were going well, I thought we were kinda simpatico, ya know?", which sounds like something Doug would say to his wife on Flight of the Conchords if she was to leave him for Bret or Jemaine. We are treated to a series of pretty funny scenes that juxtapose Jesse's excitement with his new gig with Gale's disappointment with his firing.

Walt spends most of the episode in the hospital waiting room (fixing wobbly tables), with Skylar, Marie and Walter Jr. I don't know if is the stress or what, but something strange and subtle starts to happen; Skylar actually seems to be reconnecting with Walt, something that I don't think anyone predicted. First, she stands up for Walt when Marie blames him for introducing Jesse into their lives, then she seems genuinely touched by Walt's "I'm not half the man your husband is" speech (the first time this season that Walt makes any reference to his battle with cancer, although I don't think he actually uses the "c-word"), and craziest of all, Skylar rests her head on Walt's shoulder (the first time we have seen them touch in a long time). But even after all that, the status quo returns in full force when Walt tries to explain to Skylar who he was talking to on the hospital courtesy phone and she just turns and walks away, uninterested in hearing any more lies.

While Walt is at the hospital, Jesse (who has just been released from the very same hospital) is hard at work in the lab. And by hard at work, I mean hand-drumming on the lab equipment, sliding around on a rolly-chair and inflating his haz-mat suit with air (think Missy Elliott) while jamming out to a dance-hall version of Old Dirty Bastard's seminal hit Shimmy Shimmy Ya. Eventually Gus' man at the laundry facility checks in on Jesse and notices that nothing is being cooked, setting up what I predict will be the theme next week's episode: a week long cook-a-thon during which Walt and Jesse have to produce 400 pounds of blue meth.

The end of the episode reminds us just exactly how powerful Gus Fring really is. He shows up at the hospital and feeds the entire law enforcement contingent waiting on news about Hank's condition. When he enters the family waiting room, Walt's heart skips like 10 beats. The connections between Fring, himself, the Cousins, Tuco and Hank's shooting are starting to come together in Walt's head.

Gus tells Walt not to worry, as the surviving Cousin is likely dying. What he doesn't tell him is that Mike, the fixer, is also at the hospital making sure the Cousin succumbs to his injuries.

Meanwhile, Juan, the Cartel boss is hip to Gus' plan for the Cousins demise and vows to pay him a visit as soon as the heat from the DEA and the Federales dies down. But he seems to underestimate Fring's reach, because as soon as he hangs up the phone he is gunned down in the foyer of his own home. The identity of the shooter is unknown, but we have to assume that it is someone working with Gus, right? Who knew he had enough juice to take down a Cartel boss...in Mexico?!

Gus' ultimate goal now seems pretty apparent. He wants to completely separate from the Cartel. We know he is a proponent of vertical integration when it comes to his businesses, as evidenced by his chicken farm and his chicken restaurant. Now that he has Walt, he can control the production and distribution of all the meth in his territory, and cut out the middle man, which in this case is the Cartel. The question remains; does Gus have the muscle to hold his territory once the Cartel has a chance to regroup?

How the Fuck Did Hank, a Fucking DEA Agent, Become the Coolest Character on this Show?

2010-05-04T16:26:00.000-07:00

Breaking Bad is one of those shows in which action occurs in fits and spurts. Last week's episode was an action packed tour de force, so I wasn't that surprised when this week's episode had more of a "procedural" vibe, with the characters dealing with the fall-out of the RV stand-off...at least until the final 5 minutes.

Hank, who is still apparently oblivious to Walt's connection to the RV, shows up at Jesse's house and, after demanding to know who he is working with and how he got his cell phone number, promptly delivers a world-class ass-kicking. This sparks a series of events that display Hank's true colors and proves once and for all that he is a better man than Walt in his current incarnation could ever be. Instead of lying and digging himself in deeper (which is what Walt would do), Hank takes responsibility for his actions. After a moment of complete honesty with Marie (something Walt and Skylar haven't shared in a long time) in which he acknowledges his fears, mistakes and personal/professional shortcomings, Hank turns in his badge and gun.

Recovering in the hospital, Jesse vows to "haunt (Hank's) crusty ass forever" and assumes (at Saul's suggestion) he will be able to leverage the attack into a get-out-of-jail-free card. Hank isn't the only target of Jesse's rage. He threatens to rat on the infamous Walt/Heisenberg if he is ever caught cooking. "You're my free pass, bitch," he spits at Walt.

The honey-moon is over for Walt and Gale (the guy I was referring to last week as Neil). No more scientifically brewed coffee or poems. Walt is a complete dick to him at work, perhaps because he feels threatened by his chemistry knowledge and suspects Fring might be trying to steal his blue meth formula. Walt calls Fring to demand he fire Gale and hire Jesse as his replacement. This makes sense for Walt, he wants to keep Jesse close to keep from freelancing (and inevitably getting caught), but I can't understand why Gus would agree to this. But he does, so we shall see what he has up his sleeve for young Master Pinkman.

When Walt initially broaches the subject of renewing their partnership, Jesse flat out turns him down saying, ""Ever since I met you, everything I have ever cared about is gone". While this is true, Walt could say pretty the same thing about Jesse. That's why they are always drawn back together. Their relationship is like the drug that they are cooking; even though they realize it is ruining their lives, they keep coming back to it thinking "this time will be different". Jesse comes around only after Walt complements his meth-cooking acumen. Walt seems to understand that the way to get someone to do what you want them to is by stroking their ego, he just doesn't seem to get that Gus did just that to him.

The genius of this show is in the way that it pretty much tells the audience what is going to happen, but in a way that when it actually happens the audience is still shocked. We knew that the Cousins were going to go after Hank, we knew that it was going to happen sooner rather than later, but when I saw those two silhouettes through Hank's windshield I was still like, "Nuh uh...". But if I had to pick a nit (and isn't that what blogs, and the entire internet to a certain degree, are all about?) about the last scene it would be that it felt a bit clumsy and a little too convenient. I like the fact that the surviving Cousin would decide to finish Hank off with the chrome axe, but if a gun was too "facil" why didn't they attack him with the axe in the first place?

So, do we think Hank survives? And who was it that called him to warn him moments before the attack? It had to be Fring right? Who else knew about the Cousins targeting Hank? The intro scene establishes (at least I think this was the meaning of the scene) that things have been rocky between Fring and the Cartel for years, so I'm guessing Gus decided to use Hank as a way of getting rid of the Cousins. Getting rid of two of the group's most bad-ass killers would be beneficial for someone who plans to separate himself from the Cartel in the near future, right?

Lastly, this episode has further convinced me that the only for this show to conclude is with Walt's death. In the Breaking Bad universe, if you come clean to yourself and your family about the kind of man you really are (Hank), you survive. If you continue to live in a delusional, fantasy world in which your choices should come with no consequences (Walt), you are bound to die. Anyone agree? Disagree? ....Is anyone even reading this?

Breaking Bad - Sunset

2010-04-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

Season 3 of Breaking Bad has a little bit in common with Season 2 of The Wire (which is fresh on my mind because I am in the middle of Wire binge in order to school my girlfriend on one of the top three greatest television shows in the history of the medium). The beginnings of both seasons are relatively slow and full of dense subtext. The purpose of the first half of the seasons is mainly getting the gang back together. In other words, retying loose ends that inevitably fray at the end of prior seasons. In the case of The Wire, it takes 6 or 7 episodes for Daniels to reassemble the old crew to take a run at Sobotka. In Breaking Bad, it is all about getting Walt cooking again and reuniting him with Jesse. In seasons like these, there are always breaking (Bad) points when the set up is done, the gang is back together and the ball starts rolling down hill, fast. In the case of season 2 of The Wire, it was the episode where Stringer has D'Angelo killed in Jessup. For Breaking Bad, the episode that sparks the wild ride towards the finish line was last night's.

Walt and Skylar are going forward with their divorce, which Walt seems to think is a result of Skylar's "unhappiness" and not his "meth-cookingness". To make their separation more official, an unusually upbeat and optimistic Walt decides to get his own apartment. He demands to rent the model apartment and when the agent balks, Walt asks him to "name one thing that is not negotiable". In a clever piece of direction, Gillian and company cut right to a shot of El Pollo, hammering home the point that Walt knows all too well that everything is negotiable. He just doesn't realize that Fring has outmaneuvered him beautifully in their negotiation last episode. Coming into this week, a lot of people were predicting that Gus was planning to use the three months of Walt's service to learn his meth-recipe and when he was finished, allow the Cousins to have their way with him.

After this initial Walt/Skylar divorce bit Breaking Bad puts the White's domestic issues on the back burner (thank god) in order to focus on the more pressing subject: Hank is hot on Jesse's trail. Last week I was pining for the old days of B.B., with Jesse and his buddies doing drugs and hustling. Right on cue, we get a scene featuring not only Jesse and Skinny Pete, but my man Badger. Jesse is rallying the troops to hit the streets with his solo-cooked batch of blue meth (he gives Badger a sample so potent it sends him into an impromptu jig, which Jesse puts a quick stop to lest Badger scuff his hardwood floors). Little do they know, Hank is right outside doing surveillance in hopes that Jesse will lead him to the RV.

Meanwhile, Walt shows up for his first day at his new job and meets his lab assistant, Neil, who has come prepared with his resume, which I imagine looks something like this:

Education:

Bachelors of Science in Chemical Engineering - University of New Mexico

Masters of Science in Organic Chemistry - Colorado University

Work Experience:

Acme Chemical Corporation - July 2005 - August 2010, Bolder, Colorado
Duties: Boring chemical stuff.

El Norte Division of The Mexican Drug Cartel - September 2010 - December 2010, Multipurpose Laundry Facility Outside Albuquerque, New Mexico
Duties: Assisted in the manufacturing of 200 pounds of high-quality methamphetamine per week for the duration of three months.

The two seem to hit it off and when Walt asks Neil how he ended up in the meth business, he responds with a version of Walt's own "I just respect the chemistry" rationalization (I guess Walt isn't the only one who is a tad delusional). To me, Neil seems too good to be true, I get the feeling that he and Fring might be up to something. We, at The 'Feeling, will continue to monitor the situation.

Things start to move at hyper-speed about 20 minutes in, when Marie reminds Hank of Walt's connection with Jesse (Walt used to buy pot from Jesse). Hoping Walt might have some information about the whereabouts of the RV, Hank gives Walt a call and completely tips his hand. Panicked, Walt calls Jesse to warn him, but hangs up when Jesse answers. Thinking more clearly, he calls Saul instead.

Walt catches up with the RV, Badger is having the oil changed at Jesse's request, and demands to have it destroyed immediately. Seizing the keys, Walt takes the RV to junk yard to have it wiped off the face of the earth, lest the DEA pull a few of his latent prints from its interior. Badger calls Jesse, who predictably assumes that Walt is trying to destroy the RV to take away his ability to cook, therefore eliminating the competition. Jesse races to the junk yard to stop Walt, unwittingly leading Hank right to the RV.

What comes next will go down in Breaking Bad lore as one of the show's defining moments. In an agonizing, sphincter-clenching sequence, Hank approaches the RV with Jesse and Walt inside. The dynamic between the two ex-partners reverts to its natural equilibrium as Jesse desperately turns to Walt for an escape plan. What Walt comes up with is quite possibly his most despicable, yet effective, idea to date.

Walt calls Saul, who in turn has his secretary, impersonating an ER nurse, call Hank and inform him that Marie has been in a car accident. As Hank speeds toward the hospital in a blind panic, Walt and Jesse destroy the RV. But this is just a temporary reprieve. Hank is still onto Jesse and he has to suspect Walt is involved. Can anyone think of a scenario in which Hank does not assume (correctly) that Walt tipped Jesse off and had a hand in the Marie/fake-car-wreck situation? I tried and I can't.

The issue now becomes: Will Hank survive long enough to bring in Jesse and Walt? The episode ends with Gus Fring meeting with the Cousins to bargain for Walt's life. In exchange for Walt, Fring greenlights Hank (the man who actually pulled the trigger on Tuco), who had previously been off limits due to his status with DEA. Will Hank be forced to turn to Walt for protection when he realizes who is after him? Will Walt be able to offer said protection? If the Cousins get to Hank, will they be satisfied or will they still want to put a chrome axe into Walt's ass? These are the questions that will be answered in the next few episodes and I can't fucking wait.

2010 Baltimore Ravens Schedule Breakdown and Predictions

2010-04-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the NFL unveiled its 2010 schedule and let's just say the Ravens don't exactly have a cake walk into their third straight postseason. The question on everyone's mind in Baltimore was, "Will the Ravens play the Steelers close enough to the start of the season to catch them during Big Ben's inevitable suspension?". The answer to that question seems to be yes. They get the Steelers in Pittsburgh in week 4 and if the most recent reports are to be believed, Ben will be out for at least 4 games.

So that's the good news. The bad news: 4 out of the the first 6 games on the Ravens' schedule are on the road against three play-off teams (Jets, Bengals, Pats) and two others that barely missed the playoffs (Steelers, Broncos). The guys in purple and black are going to have to come out of the gate focused to survive this stretch.

The competition in the middle part of the season softens a bit and includes a bye in week 8. The Ravens should be able to roll the Bills and the 'Fins at M&T Bank, but things won't be as easy when they have to travel to Atlanta on a short week to take on Matt Ryan and the Falcons on a Thursday in prime-time.

The home stretch is almost as tough as the beginning of the season, with prime time games against Pittsburgh and Houston and a match-up with the Super Bowl champion Saints. The NFL has mandated that all Week 17 games must be played within the divisions and the Ravens finish up the 2010 regular season against the Bengals at home, with the possibility of a playoff berth on the line.

Here are my game-by-game predictions:

Week 1: @ Jets - Win. 17-10. Rex Ryan's defense holds his old team to under 21 points, but Sanchez struggles to move the ball inside the Ravens' 35 yard line.

Week 2: @ Bengals - Loss. 27-21. The Ravens' problems in Cincy continue as the defense fails to keep Carson Palmer out of the endzone on the game's final drive.

Week 3: Vs. Browns - Win. 35-16. Come on, its the Browns.

Week 4: @ Steelers - Win. 24-21. Ravens squeak past a Roethlisberger-less Pittsburgh, but Dennis Dixon has another strong performance.

Week 5: Vs. Broncos- Win. 28-10. Denver fails to move the ball against the Ravens' D for a second straight year.

Week 6: @ Pats - Loss. 31-20. Belichick and Brady avenge an embarrassing loss the Ravens in last year's playoffs.

Week 7: Vs. Bills - Win. 27-9. Buffalo sucks.

Week 8: Bye - Would have been nice to have the bye in Week 9, before the Thursday night game in ATL.

Week 9: Vs. Dolphins - Win. 24-14. The Ravens are the better team and they get it done at home.

Week 10: @ Falcons - Loss. 27-24. Ravens, coming off a very short week of practice, lay an egg in prime time, as they are prone to do. The national media uses this game as proof that Matt Ryan was a better pick than Joe Flacco despite Joe's superior overall and playoff record. I really hope I'm wrong about this one. This would be a perfect coming-out party for the Birds and set the tone for a strong second half of the season.

Week 11: @ Panthers - Win. 31-21. Just a gut reaction, I don't expect Carolina to be particularly good.

Week 12: Vs. Buccs - Win. 35-10. While TB should be better than they were last yer (how could they be worse?) but they will still suck.

Week 13: Vs. Steelers - Loss. 24-20. The Ravens can definitely win this game, but I just don't think they will win both against the Steelers. I picked them to beat Pittsburgh in game one, so I had to pick the Steelers in this one.

Week 14: @ Texans - Win. 21-20. I'm picking this one with my heart. The Ravens have to win this with the Saints coming into Baltimore the next week. I wouldn't be at all shocked if the Texans pull this one out at home, though.

Week 15: Vs. Saints - Loss. 35-24. Too much firepower from Drew Brees and champion Saints.

Week 16: @ Browns - Win. 21-7. Again, its the Browns.

Week 17: Vs. Bengals - Win. 20-17. Final game of the season, at home, crowd going ape-shit the entire game, they cannot lose this one.

Regular season record: 11-5
Division record: 4-2
Verdict: Ravens win the AFC North, barely.

What do you think? Discuss.

ABQ's Top Chef is Back in the Kitchen (Or Basement)!

2010-04-19T09:51:00.001-07:00

Last night's Breaking Bad episode was relatively understated, even at times sort of 'quiet', stylistically, but packed quite a punch in the content department. Thematically, the episode was about 'what it is to be a man', specifically for Walt and Hank. Both are struggling to understand what their responsibilities as men are to themselves, their families, jobs, society.

The episode begins with a flashback to good old days of Breaking Bad, where everything was all cancer and strip clubs. Walt, complete with a pre-chemo full head of hair, gives Jesse $7000 to purchase an RV for the pair to cook their first batch of meth in. In classic Jesse style, he takes the money and a couple of buddies (including now-dead Combo) to a local titty-bar so they can floss a little bit with Walt's cash. The next day, with most of the cash gone, Combo does Jesse a solid by stealing his mom's RV and giving to him (This is the same RV that Hank is now hot on the trail of). This five minute intro really makes me miss the tone of the earlier seasons. Everything is so serious now, it makes me pine for the scenes of Jesse and his boys smoking meth and just having a good time. Also, this flashback gave me hope that this was going to be a Jesse-centric episode, but unfortunately after the first couple of scenes he did not return in earnest until the final scene.

Back in the present tense, Jesse thinks Walt backdoored him for a cut of the profit from Jesse's solo batch and Hank finds out that his partner, Gomez, will be taking his position in El Paso.

Walt pays a visit to Gus Fring to return the cash that was thrown into his car window last week, but Gus has other ideas (During this scene, Hanks offers the most self-diluted rationale for cooking meth yet: He just "respects the chemistry". Will he ever accept responsibility for all of the things he has done, or will he continue to rationalize forever?). He takes Walt on a trip to a laundry facility with a tricked out secret basement. Through a secret passage and down a spiral staircase is a state of the art meth lab, set up just for Walt, who is in absolute awe. Despite how impressed he is with the facilities, Walt still declines the three million for three months deal, after which Fring, calmly and quietly, lays a speech on him that sums up the entire episode:

"What does a man do, Walter? A man provides for his family."

"This cost me my family."

"When you have children, you always have family. They will always be your priority, your responsibility. And a man provides. And he does it even when he is not appreciated. Or respected. Or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he is a man."

Who could say no to these words of wisdom? And just like that, WALT IS BACK IN THE MOTHERFUCKING GAME! The moment we have been waiting all season for finally arrived and, as is so common with Breaking Bad, without very much fanfare. It just happened and then the show just moved right along.

Meanwhile, Hank is dealing with a bit of an identity crisis of his own. He is unable to admit to himself, much less anyone else, the true reason for him refusing to take the job in El Paso. That reason? He is scared. He has been a macho-man, tough-guy, DEA agent for years and it kills him to admit that he is terrified of dying. To him, a real man would never be scared of death, and yet he is. His wife, Marie, is beginning to pick up on this. She calls Skylar, who is parked outside of Ted's place (they are still fucking), to get some advice or maybe just to vent. During this conversation Marie mentions how facing death must certainly change a person, citing Walt as an example. This seems to have a genuine impact on Skylar, who seems to soften her stance on Walt slightly afterward. However, this might be too little, too late. Skylar comes home to find the bag of cash missing and her divorce paperwork signed.

Saul brings Jesse and Walt in for a meeting to clear the air. Jesse offers Walt ten percent of all of the profits of Jesse's solo venture if Walt will permit him to use his formula. Walt returns the other half of Jesse's first batch profits then drops the bomb. He tells his former partner that the money he has just given him will be the last Jesse will ever make in the meth business. "I'm in. You're out," Walt tells him. To which Saul reacts by immediately offering Walt a money laundering deal for the three million he is scheduled to make and Jesse reacts by throwing a large rock through Walt's car windshield.

David Simon's New Show Treme Debuts on HBO

2010-04-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

To say David Simon's new HBO show, Treme, is about music would be like saying his old HBO show, The Wire, is about drugs. You would be correct to say so, but you would be leaving out much of the show's essence. Treme is about the city and people of New Orleans as much as it is about anything. And if it is about anything, it is about everything. Simon has a real talent for using micro-level story telling, to make macro-level observations. In The Wire, he used the stories of alcoholic cops, gay stick-up artists, dope fiends, corner boys, drug kingpins and political aspirants to paint a picture of an American city in decay. In Treme, the stories of dead-beat musicians, stoned disc jockeys, Mardi Gras Indian chiefs, disenchanted lawyers, and frustrated chefs are combined to paint a picture of a city struggling to rebuild.

Despite the similarities between the underlying social forces that steer the characters' lives (poverty, crime, lack of quality education, gentrification, inequality, political corruption, mistrust of law-enforcement), Treme and The Wire are very different shows. Don't get me wrong, the feeling of "grit" that pervaded The Wire is still present, but the hopelessness and gallows humor are toned down. Fortunately, the trombones and trumpets, and the hope that their sounds inspire, are cranked way up. It is hard to be completely depressed when you have such good music drifting into your open windows from the parade marching down the street.

For all of you Wire die-hards out there who thought that you might be disappointed by Treme, rest assured, you won't be. The show is good, the characters are easy to care about, the setting is dynamic and the acting is top-notch. It isn't preachy or accusatory like Spike Lee's When the Levees Broke, but it also doesn't appear to let anyone off the hook either.

Last night's episode begins with a parade and ends with a funeral. And the only real difference between the two is the tempo at which the band plays. This is the spirit of the city of New Orleans that Simon captures perfectly: no matter what happens, the band plays on.

In the premier episode, we are introduced to seven main characters and slew of people that may turn into main characters:

Wire alum Wendell Pierce (Bunk) plays Antoine, a down-on-his-luck trombonist who has to scam cab drivers for rides to his gigs.

Antoine's ex-wife Ladonna runs a neighborhood bar that serves as a de facto town hall for the remaining residents of Treme.

Ladonna turns to attorney Toni for help finding her brother, who has been missing since the levees broke.

Toni's husband Creighton, played by the always fantastic John Goodman, is some kind of authority on the hurricane who spends most of his scenes doing interviews about Katrina with various media outlets. Thus far, he is my favorite character by a mile. Seeing Goodman in this role makes me wish that Simon had been able to convince him to be in The Wire. He would have been absolutely perfect as Jay Landsman, McNulty's portly, foul-mouthed Sergeant. During an interview with a swarmy BBC reporter he rails against the government, calling the disaster "man made catastrophe, a federal fuck up of epic proportions". When the reporter asks him why the American tax payers should have to foot the bill for reconstruction, Creighton responds with, "Since when don't nations rebuild their great cities?". The guy from the BBC then has the stones to call into question whether New Orleans is indeed a great city, while simultaneously dissing the city's music and culinary traditions. Creighton goes Walter Sobchak on his limey-ass and throws his microphone and camera equipment into the canal. Later, after going on a tirade against the federal government during an NPR phone interview, Creighton fires off an classic zinger, screaming "This ain't Lake Wobegon, god dammit" before slamming the phone down. I slapped my knee repeatedly. Public Radio shtick gets me every time.

Speaking of public radio, Steve Zaun plays the role of Davis, a DJ fed up with having to spin overplayed records for pledge drives. When he isn't smoking bud or breaking into record stores, he is sleeping with Janette, a chef who is struggling to keep her restaurant staffed and stocked with food to due the flooding.

Clark Peters, another veteran of The Wire (Lester), plays Albert, a Mardi Gras Indian chief who returns to the city to find his home completely flooded and mold-ridden. He abandons his house and sets up shop in a corner bar. Can someone please explain to me what a Mardi Gras Indian is? Clark Peters is black, not Native American, so I don't think Mardi Gras Indians are real Indians, right? All I know is he has a wild-ass costume that he throws on to convince a neighbor to help him clean up the bar he is living in.

Breaking Bad- I.F.T, WTF?!

2010-04-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

After a violent intro in which The Cousins lop Tortuga's head off, Breaking Bad shifts into the, becoming all too familiar, 'Skylar at Walt's throat mode'. These scenes are becoming increasing difficult to watch. Walt is desperate and pathetic, Skylar is desperate and furious. You can actually feel the hatred radiating from Skylar's eyes when she actually brings herself to make eye-contact with Walt.

Walt stops by the house to remove the pizza from the roof (it still looked pretty edible, I wonder how long it was up there) and decides, "it's [his] house too, [he's] staying". Skylar arrives and demands that Walt get the hell outta there. Walt refuses and Skylar calls the police, vowing to tell them about Walt's second profession. Before the cops show up, Walter Jr. walks through the door. Skylar can't bring herself to rat on Walt. I wonder if she would have gone through with it if their son wasn't present? This agonizing scene ends with the police unable to remove Walt due to a lack of a court order. Skylar makes her contempt for Walt clear with a simple yet chilling, "Welcome home".

Meanwhile, Jesse has shut himself into his furnitureless new/old house to mourn his dead girlfriend. This manifests itself in a string of compulsive calls to Jane's cell phone to hear her voice on the answering machine. Very sad stuff, although I'm pretty sure I would be doing the exact same thing in his situation. He is interrupted by Saul, who stops by to try again to convince him to convince Walt to get back into the cooking game. He even throws in a financial incentive. Eventually Jane's cell phone is disconnected and he can no longer hear her voice, effectively ending his mourning period and sending him out into the desert to do the only thing is good at; cook meth.

Speaking of lawyers, Skylar pays a visit to hers and spills the beans about Walt's criminal involvements. Despite her lawyer's insistence that the information would stay between the two (due to the attorney/client privilege), I have a feeling that this might be the first domino in a chain that leads to Hank discovering the truth about his brother-in-law. The scene ends heartbreakingly, with Skylar expressing hope that "things will resolve themselves", meaning she is looking forward Walt's death.

Hank is dealing with his own demons at the moment as well. After receiving word that he will be transferred back to El Paso, the sight of a gruesome cartel bombing that shook him to the core (literally and figuratively), he freaks out and starts a bar fight with two massive thugs. His motivation for the attack is debatable. Does he just want to prove to himself that he is a badass and not just a pansy that has panic attacks? Does he want to be injured or suspended from his job to avoid having to go back to El Paso? Has he simply snapped? It isn't clear.

The Cousins reappear with Don Salamanca (the guy in the wheelchair who I didn't recognize last week) and a cartel honcho at Gus Fring's chicken farm. The group explains to Gus that they are in the Estados Unidos to kill Heisenberg in order to avenge Tuco's death (The Cousins are Tuco's cousins and the Don is Tuco's uncle). Gus, in very impressive Spanish, replies that Heisenberg/Walt still works for Gus and the cartel is to keep their hands off until their work together is complete. It is clear that Walt is going to need Gus's protection at least as much as Gus needs Walt's kick-ass blue tweak.

Walt attempts to smooth things over with his wife by showing her a bag of cash and explaining that all of the horrible things he did to earn it were for her and the kids. Skylar doesn't seem particularly touched by the gesture and decline (at least for now) to accept the money.

She does, however, accept some dick from her book-cooking boss, Ted Beneke. Granted, tax fraud is much less taboo than drug manufacturing, but is it really all that easier to stomach? Apparently for her it is. It The episode ends with Skylar informing Walt of the affair matter-of-factly, as if to punish him for his sins. The look on Walt's face says it all. He wishes he would have just succumbed to cancer last year.

Leftovers:

Skylar fucks up the lyrics to "Old MacDonald" at the beginning of the episode. Either she is really dumb or has a whole lot on her mind.

Skylar has taken up smoking in an attempt to cope with the stress in her life. It would have been better if she was smoking a jay instead of a cigarette though.

The title of the episode is "I.F.T.", which is an apparently stands for "I Fucked Ted', which is what Skylar spits hatefully at Walt in the episode's last piece of dialogue. It was sort of shocking to hear a half-way bleeped "fuck" kinda-uttered on basic cable. As soon as the sentence left her lips I felt like I got slapped in the face. I felt terrible for Walt.

Why are The Cousins only targeting Walt? Are they unaware of Jesse's involvement?

Walt's "I did it for my family" rationalization for cooking meth rings a bit hollow because he could have accepted the money his former business partner offered him for treatment last season. His ego was too big to accept the money then and it is too big to accept responsibility now.

It was good to see Walt back in costume with the cook's apron on at the end of the episode. I just hope the next time we see him in it, he is cooking something other than pot roast.

As much as I appreciate and enjoy this show, it is kind of veering in the Mad Men direction in terms of focusing so heavily on Walt and Skylar's marriage. I really hope at some point soon we get a big fat dose of Jesse, Saul and a camper full of toxic fumes.

Justified- "Oh hey, look. It's that guy from Sex in the City!"

2010-04-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

I am starting have a serious problem with Justified and, to be honest, I am close to throwing in the towel. Last night's episode was another guest-star filled one-off that did very little, (until the very end) to advance the plot and characters. The structure of the show seems to be: Raylan goes after a different quirky bad guy each week, Raylan kills bad guy at the end, audience gets a tiny nugget that barely advances the far more intriguing overall plot involving Ava, Boyd, and Raylan's dad. If that is enough to keep you interested, god bless.

The biggest issue with this structure is the fact that these guests appear and disappear so quickly, the audience doesn't get a chance to care about them or understand their motivations and nuances. Take last night's episode; We are introduced to Arnold Pinter, a fish-out-of-water, Brooklynite bookie/snitch, played by that dude from Sex In The City who bangs that ugly redhead. Raylan is given the unenviable task of being his go-between in the Marshall's office. The two seem to hit it off, mainly because neither wants to in Kentucky. The Pinter character is pretty decent, but he doesn't get the screen time required to really flesh him out. We don't even find out how he ended up in the Bluegrass state.

Even more egregious, was the way the Travis Travers character was handled. He went from being a deadbeat stoner to a homicidal criminal mastermind in the blink of an eye. I didn't buy it for even a second. But that is what happens when you have to squeeze a new character into a 43 minute window every week. Sometimes it works pretty well (Boyd and Pinter), mostly it just feels forced (Travers).

I think the thing that frustrates me so much about Justified is the squandered potential. Timothy Olyphant is a grade-A bad-ass and the Raylan character is perfect for him. I like the chemistry between him and his boss, who seems to really get what Raylan is all about. I like the idea of a law enforcement agent coming back to his hometown against his will to take down a crew of white-supremacists. But I really can't get passed the formulaic repetitiveness of the past two episodes.

"When I went out this morning to get the newspaper I saw a pizza on our roof! Would you know anything about that?!"

2010-03-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last night's episode begins with an show down between a meth manufacturer and law enforcement. Fortunately for Walt, the aforementioned meth cooker, he is only pulled over for having a broken windshield. He explains to the officer that the windshield was damaged by falling debris from the plane crash. Unmoved, the officer writes Walt a citation, to which Walt reacts with a conniption that results in him being pepper sprayed and hauled back to the station. Luckily Hank pulls a few strings and Walt is released without charge.

From the opening moments and through the entire episode Walt appears to be completely shell-shocked. His face is blank and expressionless, except when he is lecturing a police officer about the first amendment. I don't know if it is the plane crash, or the separation from his wife, or the fact that he is coming to grips with the fact that now that he has beaten cancer he has to live with all of the terrible things he has caused, but it seems like he is suffering from some sort of PTSD.

Meanwhile, Jesse appears to be doing pretty well, all things considered. He drives past his old house and sees his father there fixing the place up. His father treats him coolly and tells Jesse that he plans on selling the house. Jesse, now thinking with a sober mind, formulates a plan to both screw over his parents, who he still seems to resent, as well as get his home back. He enlists Saul, who brokers a deal with Jesse's parents to sell the house at half the asking price as long as the fact that there was at one point a meth lab housed in the basement stays buried.

Walt also meets with Saul in this episode. Saul tries, unsuccessfully, to talk Walt into rejoining the meth cooking fraternity. Unlike Jesse, who admits to "being the bad guy" in the previous episode, Walt appears to still be in denial about all of the pain he has caused. He tells Saul he can't get back into the meth game because he "can't be the bad guy". When will he realize, like Jesse has, that he already is the bad guy? Saul attempts to convince Walt that Skylar has too much to lose to ever rat him out to the police, but just to be sure Saul, without Walt's knowledge, hires a man to keep surveillance (or is he up to something more sinister?) on her.

The bad ass Mexican dudes, who it turns out are cousins, reappear as well. This time they have made their way into the U.S. and are right in Walt's neck of the woods. After a strange scene involving an old man in a nursing home and a Ouija board, the cousins learn the true identity of the man they are a after, Walter White. (It has been awhile since I have watched any of the episodes from the older seasons, but is the old guy in the nursing home someone I should recognize? How does he know Walt?)

After a slow-burn for most the episode, things get pretty intense in the last couple of minutes as a confluence of danger comes to a head at the White residence. Walt arrives at the house only to discover that Skylar has changed the locks. While Walt is busy trying to break into his own former residence, the guy that Saul has hired to keep surveillance on Skylar is bugging the phones and house. Walt successfully gains entrance and hops in the shower. Meanwhile, as Saul's man watches from across the street, a car pulls up and the Mexican cousins, wielding a large axe, step out and head toward the door. The man watching across the street makes phone call to Gus Fring, the guy at the chicken restaurant. Before Walt steps out of the shower and is, presumably, chopped to bits, one of the Mexicans gets a text message that reads, "POLLO" and Walt is saved for the moment.

So things are bit more clear now, but just barely. We know that the Mexican cousins know that Walt is Heisenberg. We know that Fring is connected to the cousins, but we don't know how and to what extent. We also don't know why they are after Walt or what Saul has in mind for Skylar. Lastly, we still don't know what the significance of that eye Walt is always carrying around. I expect the pace of the season to pick up considerably next week. Needless to say, I'm pretty pumped.

Leftovers:

Flynn now would like to be referred to as Walter Jr. again.

There is something going on in this show with pools. There are always shots of pools, Walter is always pulling something out of or throwing something into a pool. Any guesses as to what the symbolism of the pool means? If I had to take a wild guess, I would say that in the last episode of the show Walt dies in a pool...

Marie, Skylar's sister, seems to know something fishy is going on with Skylar and Walt's separation. If she were to find out the truth, would she tell Hank? And even if she did, would Hank take Walt down? I think he would.

I would probably still eat that "roof pizza".

Justified = Law and Order: East Kentucky?

2010-03-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

We are two episodes in and I cannot figure Justified out. After episode one, I wondered how the writers would squeeze an entire season out of Raylan's feud with Boyd and the white-supremacists. Well now it seems like they aren't even going to bother to try to squeeze a whole season's worth of material out of any one plot-line. The evidence now points towards Justified employing an "episodic" plot structure (think Law and Order) in which Raylan and company take on a different fugitive each week and wrap everything up neatly in a bow by the time the ending credits roll (as opposed to a "serialized" approach in which each episode builds off the next). If that is the case, it would be a bit of a mixed blessing. On the positive side, I wouldn't really have to watch the show each week to be able to follow it. On the other hand, shows that use an entire season to develop a overarching plot tend, to me at least, to be infinitely more gratifying.

The episode starts with Raylan visiting Boyd in a prison hospital as he recovers from the gun-shot wound Raylan left him with at the end of the pilot. Sounds strong so far, right? Well unfortunately this is the last we see of Boyd for the remainder of the episode. We are also only given single scene with Ava on screen. Raylan's ex is completely absent What gives? The writers set up these story lines in the first episode and completely abandon them in favor of generic cop-show fare.

Any thoughts?

BREAKING NEWS: Google accuses T.V. blog readers of drug abuse, righteous indignation ensues.

2010-03-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

Breaking Bad is Back!

2010-03-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

Even for show about a guy dying (well, not anymore...) of cancer, the first episode of Breaking Bad's highly-anticipated third season struck a decidedly somber chord. The action picks up a month or two after the conclusion of second season. Walt has been kicked out of his house by his suspicious wife Skylar, Jesse is in rehab recovering from the heroine and meth addiction that his girlfriend left him with after her overdose and Albuquerque as a whole is still reeling from the tragic plane crash that rained carnage down on the city (Hank puts the accident on par with 9/11 in terms of level of tragedy). Meanwhile, two sinister Mexican guys (cartel hit-men?) are making there way north towards the border with their sights set on Walt, who reluctantly turned down an offer of 3 million dollars for three months of his meth-cooking expertise.

More to come next week when there is a little less "set-up" and a little more to sink teeth into.

FX's Justified- Pilot

2010-03-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

A few days before FX premiered its new show Justified (which I was really excited about) I learned that the show was an adaptation of an Elmore Leonard book. I had mixed emotions about this because I used to be a big fan of his books but sort of abandoned them mainly due to the bad taste the recent string of awful adaptations left in my mouth.

Aside from Get Shorty, the sarcastically self-aware style of Leonard's prose seems to get lost in translation when it is moved from the page to the screen. Disappointingly, the first episode of Justified, for the most part, continued this trend.

The show started strong enough, with a scene featuring Tim Olyphant, as U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens, in the midst of a standoff at a table in a fancy restaurant with, the always welcome, Peter Greene (they bad guy from the Mask, Redfoot from Usual Suspects) as a "gun-thug" from Miami. It is clear that only one of the men is going to walk away from the table, and since Olyphant is the star of the show, it is safe to assume that it would be him. The gun-thug makes a move towards his weapon and Raylan blasts him from under the table before he can cock the hammer.

After this initial action, the show begins to take on the "cartoonish" quality that pervades many of the Leonard adaptations. Raylan, who personifies this cartoonishness with the silly hat that he insists on wearing both indoors and out, is punished for the restaurant shoot-out by being transferred from the Miami office to his home state of Kentucky (I have been to Kentucky, they don't wear cowboy hats there, for the most part).

His assignment in the Bluegrass State is to bring down a crew of way over-the-top white-supremacists with a penchant for explosions and bank robbery. (This storyline involves one of the more annoying TV show cliches in which law enforcement has to
"catch the bad guys in the act" in order to arrest them. It is as if all of the TV writers, other than David Simon, have never considered that an actual investigation might be a good way to catch a criminal.) The leader of Aryan gang is a old acquaintance of Raylan's from his coal mining days named Boyd (played by The Shield's Walton Goggins, in what should, on paper at least, be the perfect role for him). The plot thickens when Boyd's brother is murdered by his own wife, Ava. It turns out that Ava and Raylan might be old flames and Boyd has always had a thing for his brother's wife.

FX is usually successful at creating TV shows that exist in their own worlds; worlds that share characteristics with the real world but operate by their own set of rules. Sons of Anarchy is a perfect example of this. Of course it is completely unrealistic for a biker gang to control an entire town with impunity, but in the world of Charming the audience can buy it. I had a more difficult time buying the world of Justified. In the past I have compared the characters is SOA to comic book heroes and I have generally meant that to be compliment. In the case of Justified, the same can be said, but in this case I would argue it is a negative thing. From Raylan's goofy hat, to his cliche of a catchphrase ("You make me pull, I'll put you down") to the extremely brazen (bordering on just plain dumb) behavior displayed by the Nazi gang, the whole vibe of the show was way over-the-top and difficult to identify with. Are we really supposed to believe that in a single week, in a tiny Kentucky town, the following events occurred without resulting in a single arrest, much less a call to the National Guard: A terroristic hate crime involving a military-issue rocket-launcher, a shoot-out involving Nazi's and federal agents in the middle of the street in broad daylight, a domestic violence related murder, a dead body found in a car, a bank robbery, and police-involved non-fatal shooting.

Olyphant is very good as the leading man in the show. Barely contained rage is evident in his eyes, and even more evident because the other characters are constantly pointing it out. The only real issue I had with his performance is he seems to slip in and out of his accent (even when he is using it, it doesn't really sound like a Kentucky accent). I was a bit disappointed in the work turned in by Walton Goggins. The Boyd character is so much in his wheel house that I would preferred a bit more subtlety and bit less wacky-violence and empty threats.

While it would hyperbolic to say that the premier of Justified absolutely sucked, I think it is fair to say that it did not live up the expectations associated with an FX program. I guess a fair description of my feelings after the show would be "underwhelmed". Stay tuned and cross your fingers that the show can make some serious improvements.

Worst. Fucking. Bracket. Ever.

2010-03-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

This is just humiliating...

HBO's The Pacific is finally here!

2010-03-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

I usually try to keep the content of this blog as light as possible, but last night's premier of HBO's The Pacific, a follow-up to the groundbreaking mini-series Band of Brothers, deserves to be treated seriously and respectfully. Like Band of Brothers, The Pacific is produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg, and tells the stories of several groups of Marines fighting for their country and for survival in the Pacific Theater of World War II. The episode begins with a short introduction, voiced-over by Tom Hanks, explaining the significance of the attacks on Pearl Harbor and the subsequent U.S. retaliation against the Japanese on the island if Guadalcanal (which is where the Marines in the show are being sent to fight) which, like Band of Brothers, included footage of interviews with the surviving soldiers. Like the show itself, I would like to begin this review with a bit of a preamble, so please bear with me. Here it goes.

I am, by no means, a history buff or a WWII expert but movies and shows about this particular conflict are always particularly resonant with me. I think it has something to do with the simplicity of it all. Unlike any of the military conflicts that I (or even my parents, for that matter) have been alive for, there seems to be no moral dilemma (aside from the dilemma inherent anytime men are tasked with killing other men) at play. The good guys (us) and the bad guys (the Nazis, the Japanese) are so well defined that even the current citizens of the countries who were the bad guys would admit that their grandfathers were in the wrong. Unlike Vietnam, or Iraq there is no question who was right and who was wrong. And this concept allows for the men who fought this war to be considered to be, and portrayed as, true heroes (which makes for great television). As much as I respect and commend the service of my peers who are currently fighting in the name of our country, the fact that the reasons for their sacrifice are so ambiguous, and very likely morally deficient, will keep them from being remember by history as the same type of hero that we remember the men who fought in Europe and the Pacific to have been. By no means is this our soldiers fault, it is clearly the fault of our government and of our society as a whole for putting them in this situation (although, it is now an all volunteer military....anyways I am digressing). The point of all this is: movies and TV shows about WWII have the luxury of a sense of good vs. evil in our collective psyche that movies about Iraq just don't. I would take a movie about a bunch of Americans scalping Nazis over one about a group of guys trying not to get blown up by IEDs in Baghdad any day of the week.

(Just a quick aside: I think I might be the only person on earth who didn't like The Hurt Locker. I thought it was tense and suspenseful, but it lacked any coherent story arc. They could have taken any of those scenes in the middle of the movie and swapped the order in which they were shown and it wouldn't have affected the movie one iota. Plus, and maybe I am stupid and just missed it, but what the fuck was the movie saying about the war? What was the point? Bigelow could have followed some soldiers around for 6 months, video taped them, provided absolutely no context to what she was showing us, and came up with nearly the same movie. If anyone who reads this agrees with me, please let me know, because I am starting to think I am crazy for not fawning over this movie.)

Now that I got my thoughts about WWII, and shows about it, out of the way, let's move to The Pacific. I will keep this part short and sweet, with a paragraph summarizing what little plot we have been shown so far and follow that with a sentence-long review.

As I stated before, The Pacific is about a bunch of Marines, who are tasked with stopping the Empire of Japan from expanding to Australia. A powerful scene at the beginning of the episode features a commanding officer addressing a room full of non-commissioned officers. He sums the premise of the show up better than I ever could by saying, "The Pacific will be our theater of war. We will do battle with the Japs on tiny specks of turf that we have never heard of...Merry Christmas, Happy 1942". The first half of the episode introduces the audience, without much fanfare or back story, to a handful of the Marines, that include PFC Robert Leckie, Sgt. J.P. Morgan, PFC Sidney Phillips, Sgt. Basilone and Sgt. Manuel Rodriguez. We see Basilone eating a celebratory dinner with his family in New Jersey. Leckie is praying in a church before he runs into his neighbor Vera, who he promises to write to while he is overseas. We meet Eugene Sledge in Alabama after he is diagnosed by his doctor father with a heart murmur, which initially keeps him from joining his friend Phillips in combat. The remainder of the episode deals with the soldiers landing on the island of Guadalcanal and surviving (and, in some cases, not surviving) the first week or so of the war. The Japanese Navy has beaten back all of the US Naval ships from the coastline, stranding the Marines with little supplies and back-up.

I don't even really think any review of the episodes will be necessary, because I am sure they will all, like the premier, kick ass. The only criticism I can come up with is that all of the characters were introduced so quickly, it is a little tough to keep track of who is who when the bullets start flying and their faces are obscured by dirt, blood and helmets. I have a suspicion that The Pacific, like Band of Brothers, will be one of those shows that you have to watch a few times to get the full effect. That said, I can't wait for the second part of the mini-series and I will update you all as soon as it airs.

Parenthood continues to stumble out of the gates

2010-03-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

After being bombarded with characters and story lines in last week's premier, I was relieved that the pacing of this week's episode of Parenthood slowed considerably. Unfortunately, the "buzz-kill factor" was still in full effect.

The plot of episode two basically just took the stories presented last week and built upon them, without adding a whole lot of new material, which I appreciated. Adam, who we find out is some kind of shoe industry executive or something, is still, at least partially, in denial about his son's Aspergers. Determined to get a second opinion, he seeks out a specialist, a doctor referred to as "the Bob Dylan of Aspergers" who confirms his fears, Max exhibits the tell-tale symptoms of the syndrome. To make matters worse, Adam discovers a bag a weed in his backyard and spends most of the rest of the episode trying to find its rightful owner.

Meanwhile, Crosby uses Max's Aspergers as an excuse to break a date with his girlfriend. Initially this sounds like a totally dick move, but the reason he doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend is because he would rather hang out with his new-found son and his ex-girlfriend/baby-mama, who have decided to move back Berkeley (which, as we find out, is where the show takes place).

Sarah's family suffers a series of defeats, starting with her attempt to land a fantasy job as a logo designer (or something like that). Adam uses his connections (who knew a guy in the shoe business had so many hook-ups in unrelated industries) to get her an interview, which goes really well initially. The interview scene was one of the few lighthearted moments and Sarah's chemistry with her would-be boss, a much younger Asian dude, is pretty strong. Unfortunately, I don't think we will be seeing anymore scenes with the two together because after the interview Sarah is informed that the job requires a college degree, which she is lacking. After receiving that tough news, she finds out that her daughter is being held back a year because some of the credits from her former school won't transfer to her new school. By the way, is it just me or does Sarah remind you a whole lot of Nancy from Weeds? I'm just waiting for Sarah to say, "Fuck it," and start selling bud to UC Berkeley students to support her kids.

Speaking of Weeds, or weed in general, the episode ends on a high note, literally, with the adults of the family huddled together outside a school play (or something like that) smoking the bud that Adam found in his backyard (which, as it turns out, belonged to his formerly goody-two-shoes daughter). It was nice to finally have a scene that was lighthearted and showed a family just hanging out being a family, not dealing with super heavy issues. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately (I haven't quite decided) I think this scene may spell disaster for the show having any sort of longevity. Networks, historically, do not look too kindly on TV shows that depict recreational drug use in an honest and non-judgmental fashion.

I caught a little bit a flack last week for being so harsh on the show, but I still contend that Parenthood has some major problems. The biggest and most obvious one is the scenes that are supposed to by funny just aren't. Granted, there were a couple that made me chuckle a little bit, like when Max was listing recording artists with number one records. I can't help comparing Parenthood with Modern Family because the premises of the two or so similar (large extended family dealing with issues of parenting and growing up), but the difference between the shows is that when Modern Family ends I feel good about myself and life in general, and when Parenthood ends I just sort of feel depressed. I'll give it a few more weeks to see if Parenthood is able to find its voice, but I'm starting to think that maybe this just isn't the show for me.

Can anyone say, "Butt Cised"?

2010-03-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

Various sources are reporting that the Raven's have signed WR Anquan Boldin to a 4 year deal worth 25 million dollars. Aside from adding a top-tier playmaker, the best thing about this deal is the fact the Raven's got him for little more than a song. All they had to give up was a 3rd and 4th round draft.

I can't tell you how excited I am about this deal. I was worried when they signed Stallworth that Ozzie would give up on grabbing another big-name pass catcher. With the addition of Boldin, we are looking at the possibility of having one of the most solid receiving corps in the AFC, if not the whole league. If Mason decides to return, we will probably see Boldin and Stallworth spread wide and Mason in the slot with option of inserting Kelly Washington for 4-wide sets. Does that, or does that not sound fucking sweet?

I think this signing could mean the end to Mark Clayton's tenure in Baltimore, which is more than fine by me. It also spells an end to the horrible rumors flying around that the Ravens could pick of T.O. Thank god that didn't happen.

Also, the fact that the Ravens have bolstered their wide-receiving depth frees the team up to go after players in the draft that help fill other holes, particularly in the secondary.

Lastly, in an unrelated development, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger has again been accused of sexual assault. Could this day get any better?

NBC's Parenthood Premiers, Everyone Who Watched Contemplates Suicide

2010-03-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

As anyone who watched more than 15 minutes of the Winter Olympics was aware, NBC's new family drama Parenthood premiered last night. The show, which is produced by Ron Howard, depicts the trials and tribulations of a large extended family in California. Like a thousand shows of its kind before it, Parenthood seems to be as much about "issues" as it is about people. This series really interested me because, well, I'm gay for family television shows, plus I don't think Ron Howard has ever been involved with a project I disliked.

Here is a cursory breakdown of the characters and the major plots taking form in the first episode:

Zeke- The patriarch (pronounced with a "ch" sound, wink, wink) of the Braverman clan. He seems to want his grandchildren to be raised the way he raised his own children which causes a bit of friction. He might be a Vietnam vet and has the misfortune of delivering the episode's weakest piece of dialog in which he compares parenthood to war.

Camille- Zeke's wife. She strikes me as kind of a aging flower-child. She didn't receive a whole lot of screen time in the pilot, so there isn't a bunch to be said about her for the moment.

Adam- Zeke and Camille's oldest son. He is sort of the Michael Bluth of the family, the guy the other family members rely on to solve their problems.

Kristina- Adam's wife. She and Adam find out late in the episode that their son Max, who they had always assumed was just a little weird, actually suffers from
Asperger's Syndrome.

Sarah- Zeke and Camille's eldest daughter. She and her two teenage kids are forced to move back in with her parents after her marriage to a drug addicted musician collapses. In the pilot she reconnects with a high school boyfriend, played by Mike O'Malley. Her daughter is a rebellious trouble maker and her son, who appears to suffer from depression, puts his deadbeat father on a pedestal.

Crosby- The Braverman baby brother, played by Dax Shepherd (who is not as annoying in this show as he typically is). He is a slacker who works as some kind of music producer. His girlfriend is baby-crazy (going as far as keeping a canister of donor sperm in her freezer), but Crosby is not ready for children. Eventually he relents, agreeing to have children with her in three years. In the most unexpected twist of the first episode, Crosby discovers that he is already a father when his ex-girlfriend pays him a visit with their son, Jabbar, in tow.

Julia- Zeke and Camille's youngest daughter. Julia is a high-powered lawyer who is jealous of her toddler's preference for her husband.

My initial reaction to Parenthood's inaugural episode, aside from being amazed at shear volume of characters and stories thrown at the audience, was "Goddamn, that was surprisingly serious and borderline depressing". It seemed like the family just took one blow after another. Adam's kid has Aspergers, Sarah's kid ran away from home to try to live with his drug addict father, her other kid gets arrested for weed, Julia's daughter loves her father more than her, Zeke's son doesn't want to raise his boy the way he was raised, etc., etc. There wasn't even much comic relief from all the misery. Don't get me wrong, by no means do I need my t.v. families to all be Cleavers or Cunninghams, but for fuck's sake, can't we lighten the mood up a bit? I know being a white, suburban parent is hard, "Oh no, my kid has autism! What are we going to do now?". Doesn't pretty much everyone have autism these days? It's this generation's ADD. Since when are dressing like a pirate and sucking at baseball symptoms of a mental handicap? Granted, the scenes feature Mike O'Malley provided a bit of levity, but all that was negated when Sarah's son walks in on them during post-coital 'fridge raid and freaks out (sounds funny on paper, not so much on the screen).

That said, I didn't hate the show (my girlfriend, who I was watching it with seemed to, but she pretty much hates everything) and I am not ready to give up on it so soon. I look forward to seeing each of the individual characters fleshed out over the course of the season and I can see myself continuing to watch it. I just wish I felt a little more positive when the episode ended.

Review of HBO's new series How To Make It In America

2010-03-01T11:54:00.000-08:00

Last month HBO quietly premiered a new show called How To Make It In America. I have hesitated to write about it over the last couple of weeks mainly because there isn't exactly a whole lot to be said about the show. That said, please continue reading the following handful of paragraphs...

...Still with me? Ok, cool.

The show is based around the lives of two twenty-something Brooklyn pseudo-hipsters, Ben and Cam, played by Bryan Greenberg and Victor Rasuk, who have to "hustle" to survive. And by "hustle" I mean, they have to sell home-made skateboard decks, work at Barney's, attend fashionable parties and rail hot chicks. Sounds pretty tough right?

Ben and Cam's real goal in life is to strike it rich in the denim jeans game. Yes you read that sentence correctly. HBO's new show is about two dudes whose dream is to become the next Levi Strauss (I know, I know. Levi and Strauss might be two different people, but the fact that I'm not really sure and don't care proves my point that no one cares about two dudes that make jeans).

There is a secondary and, for my money, more interesting plot about Cam's cousin Rene, played by Luis Guzman, who has been recently released from prison and is embarking on a (possibly legitimate?) business venture involving an energy drink called Rasta Monsta.

Beyond the inherent problem with a show about wanna-be denim manufacturers is the fact that it doesn't seem to be sure about what kind of show it wants to be. I have read comparisons between HTMIA and Entourage, but I don't really see it. Entourage, for all its faults, is a comedy. Is HTMIA a comedy? If so, where are the jokes? Is it a drama? If so, why is it only a half-hour? HBO has had a lot of success with hour-long dramas. Speaking of the show being on HBO, where is the cursing? Where are the titties?

The performances in the show are relatively solid. Bryan Greenberg is pretty good, I think I might be the only person who liked Unscripted, but I wonder if he has enough personality to be a truly reliable leading man. I find the Cam character to be a bit annoying, but I guess Victor Rasuk does a decent job. Luis Guzman continues his run as a world-class scene stealer and I am most interested to see where the show takes his Rene character. Kid Cudi was advertised as having a major role in the series, but so far he has only appeared in a couple of scenes (which doesn't bother me that much. Lonely Stoner sucked and you will never convince me otherwise), although I have heard that his on-screen time increases later in the season.

To be honest, one of the most enjoyable parts of the show through three episodes is the into. The opening credits feature still shots of Brooklynites and other New York themed items and places while a pretty damn good song by a guy named Aloe Blacc called "I Need a Dollar" plays in the background.

Dudder Island: Shutter Island Reviewed, Spoiled and Improved

2010-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

So I went and saw Shutter Island yesterday despite having read a slew of less than complimentary reviews. After seeing it, I tend to agree with most of the criticism, although I think a lot of the shots critics have been taking at Leo in regards to his accent and his overacting are harsh and a bit unwarranted.

The performances in the movie were good, if not great. Leo is a serviceable leading man, but Scorcese's recent obsession with him is becoming a little strange. He is just too soft and lacks the hint of craziness in his eyes required to be one-hundred percent believable as an undercover-cop/Irish gangster or a WWII veteran/U.S. Marshall with issues with headaches and paranoia. What's weird is, he actually used to have that quality. If you go back and watch Basketball Diaries, he was pretty damn convincing as a strung out dope-fiend. Does anyone think he would be able to pull that role off now? Ben Kingsley was solid as usual, as was Mark Ruffalo. We even got a few scenes with Ted Levine, the dude who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. A cameo from Jame Gumb is always a welcome treat. Really, the only performance I have an issue with was Michelle Williams', who plays Leo's late wife. If you thought Leo's attempt at a Boston accent was hard to listen to, wait until you hear Jen from Dawson's Creek do her Will Hunting impression.

Along with the decent performances, the movie succeeded, for the most part, in creating a sense of suspense throughout most of the first two acts. The score was a bit heavy handed at times, but to put up much of a complaint about that would be nit-picking. The setting of the actual island was pretty cool and worked well in terms of creating the creepy vibe Scorsese was aiming for.

Where the film failed was in the plot department. I won't go into specifics right now, because any description of the plot, beyond the very basics would spoil the ending. For those of you that have not seen the movie, it is basically about two U.S. Marshals (Leo and Ruffalo) who are sent to an island off the coast of Boston which is home to a mysterious mental institution for the criminally insane to investigate the disappearance of one of the inmates. For those of you who have seen the movie and would like my take on how the plot could have been made infinitely cooler, please continue reading. If you haven't seen the movie and do not want the ending spoiled for you, please stop reading now.

BIG-TIME SPOILER ALERTS AHEAD!

Ok, so if you have seen the movie, then you know that Leo is, in fact, crazy and has been a patient/prisoner of the institution since he murdered his wife. Actually, calling what Leo did to his wife murder is a bit of a stretch. He shot her after coming home and finding out that she had drowned their three children. In order to cope with the trauma, Leo invents a complex scenario in his head that his wife died in a fire and the reason that he is on Shutter Island is for the purpose of an investigation. In order to try to snap him out of his delusion, Ben Kingsley, the institutions head doctor decides to set up a scenario in which Leo gets to role play his entire fantasy. Mark Rufalo, who in reality is his psychiatrist, is cast as his U.S. Marshal partner. Eventually Leo is filled in about the details of this plan and, for a moment, remembers the truth about his circumstances. However, at the end he relapses back into his fantasy world and it is suggested that he goes on to be lobotomized... If that sounded a tad convoluted and difficult to follow, it is because it sort of was.

Here is my idea for how Shutter Island could have been way better:

Scorsese should have taken the Sixth Sense approach to this plot. Instead of having Kingsley actually create this investigation farce, the entire story should have taken place in Leo's head. That way at the end, when it is revealed that he is actually insane (much like it was revealed that Bruce Willis was indeed dead) people would be blown away and want to watch the movie over again to look for clues throughout movie that would indicate what was really going on. I realize that this would require some minor tweaks to the story and dialog, but I think it could have been done and if it had been done Shutter Island could have been an extremely cool mindfuck of a movie.

Paul Feig and Judd Apatow are back together. That should be a good thing, right?

2010-02-17T16:59:00.000-08:00

Busy news day for the staff here at The 'Feeling. Not only has the site's favorite pigskin team made a big announcement, our favorite television writer/producer duo has dropped a bombshell as well.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Paul Feig and Judd Apatow are again joining forces. This time they are apparently in the process of making a wedding-comedy starring Kristen Wiig. The screenplay was written by some broad named Annie Mumolo, whose biggest achievement, according to her IMDB, was a bit part on Two and Half Men.

Is it just me, or does this sound fucking awful? As evidenced by this website's title banner, I am a huge Feig/Apatow guy, so I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but....seriously? A wedding comedy with Kristen Wiig written by a virtual nobody?
Needless to say, I'm worried.

Ravens sign Wide Receiver and Homocidal Maniac Donte' Stallworth

2010-02-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

What?! You mean you didn't know that The Unfresh Feeling is the place to go for breaking sports news? Shame on you.

So, our beloved Baltimore Ravens have started the off-season with a bang by signing controversial wide-receiver Donte' Stallworth to a one-year deal. The local sports talk radio circuits have been abuzz with conflicting opinions in regards to whether or not this was a positive move by the club. Rest assured disciples of the purple and black, it was a good move...as long as it isn't their only move.

Clearly, the biggest issue detractors of the deal are pointing to is Stallworth's vehicular manslaughter charge. They figure that this is another typical Ravens move, bringing in a criminal and a thug. Unlike the cases involving Ray and Jamal (both of which I thought were bullshit, particularly Jamal's), Stallworth's case was an accident. Yes, an accident that left a man dead, but an accident none the less. Does anyone really believe that while Stallworth was at the club popping bottles of Ace of Spade, he was doing so knowing that on the drive home some Mexican dude was going to dart out from behind a bush into the middle of the street and directly unto the hood of his luxury sports car? Of course not. Should he have been drinking and driving? Again, of course not. But is he a murderer? I don't think so. Since the incident Stallworth has been nothing but contrite and apologetic. I mean, if he wanted to be a dick, he could have gone to trial, dragged it out for a year and probably had the manslaughter charges dropped. The dude he hit ran out into the middle of a highway for chrissakes. Instead he accepted his plea deal and paid the family of the "victim" several million bucks. As long as Stallworth produces on the field, by week 4, most Ravens fans (who aren't members of MADD) will have forgiven him.

Having dealt with that, here are the pros and cons of the deal in football terms:

Pros:

The Ravens got Stallworth on the cheap. He signed a one-year deal for under a million dollars. So, the Ravens got a legitimate offensive threat with very little damage to their salary cap, leaving room for additional deals this offseason. If he doesn't produce or gets in any more off the field trouble the Ravens can jettison him from the roster with minimal consequences.

Stallworth is a good player, or at least he was. The guy has 32 career touchdowns. Compare that with Mark Clayton's 14. If Stallworth can stretch the field and force the opponent's best cover corner to guard him, that will free Derrick Mason (if he decides to return) to dominate lesser defenders over the middle.

Cons:

The obvious PR ramifications of signing another player with a less than stellar police record.

We don't really know what kind of production we will get from him. He didn't play at all last season and even before his suspension he was never an elite playmaker.

This may give Ozzie an excuse to sit on his hands for the rest of the off-season and not try to bring in another big play offensive threat.

All in all, I think the pros certainly outweigh the cons. I like the move, but I just hope this is a first in a string of pick-ups the team makes before the start of the 2010 season.

Netflix Instant Watch Review of "4 Life"

2010-02-11T09:58:00.001-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you another installment of the Unfresh Feeling's ongoing series of Netflix Instant Queue reviews. For the newbies out there, these postings are a service I provide to you where I choose an obscure movie (often either foreign, independent or straight-to-DVD) and basically tell you how fucked up you would have to be to enjoy it.

This week's movie is called 4 Life, a gangsta flick set in Baltimore. The plot (a word used very generously in this case) is about a feud between the two shot callers of a drug gang (I assume they are involved with drug sales, but the movie doesn't actually show any drugs nor does it make any direct reference to the source of the gang's income) called Dogs 4 Life (some of the characters pronounce is 'Duggs' for Life, which is funny to me because I live in Baltimore, but probably just confused viewers outside the 410 area code).

The reason I decided to watch this movie, aside from the fact that it is set in my hometown, is because it stars several veterans of The Wire. (Aside from sharing several of the same actors, 4 Life features plenty of those obligatory wide angle, panning west to east, transitional shots of the inner harbor and downtown skyline that cut to gritty Westside street corners that David Simon's team perfected. In 4 Life they just look low rent.) Wood Harris, who, so adeptly, played Avon Barksdale in The Wire portrays Davon in 4 Life. Davon wants to get out of the game, but his incarcerated partner Ty, played by Page Kennedy (most famous from his role as U-Turn on Weeds), won't let him for reasons that are very unclear. When Ty makes a preemptive strike against Davon from prison, Davon enlists the help of J.D. Williams, Bodie from The Wire, to exact revenge.

Unfortunately, casting alone could not save this piece of crap. The plot makes no sense, the characters are flat and when they start dying it is unclear how the viewer should feel about it. The dialog is terrible, which is the most disappointing thing of all. Typically, in these "urban" genre movies you can at least count on some hilarious dialog. Think the "Pen Gun Scene" from Thicker Than Water or the "What Hand You Roll Up Wit' Scene" from State Property or pretty much any scene from the hood classic Choices. The only relatively funny line is when Ty vents to his cellmate about Davon, complaining that Davon "aint from the block, the nigga is from Randallstown!" which is funny to me, but probably not anyone who has never heard of Randallstown (which is pretty much everyone not from Maryland).

Final Verdict:
From just looking the cast, the synopsis and the picture of the movie shown on Netflix, choosing to watch this movie is a no-brainer. I would decided to watch it sober. Actually enjoying the movie once it starts is a whole other story. To enjoy 4 Life, you need something a little stronger than the normal chronic and alcohol combination I typically recommend. To make it through this movie, I suggest at least 30 mils of an opioid painkiller or like 2 or 3 Ambien.

What do Joe Flacco and Snookie have in common?

2010-01-22T15:45:00.000-08:00

I am not exactly comfortable admitting this, but I don't know which stung more, the Raven's relatively early exit from the playoffs or the fact that after last night the season of Jersey Shore is over. At least for the Ravens game I had about 29 beers to numb the pain, the bittersweet pill that was the Jersey Shore finale was one I had to swallow dry.

Its hard to be too upset about how the Ravens' season ended. They were one of the final eight teams remaining, they finished with double digit wins for the second straight year, Ray Rice emerged as one of the leagues most promising young stars and the defense seemed to congeal to some degree in the second half of the season. Of course, after last year's improbable run to the AFC championship, expectations coming into the season were sky high. Joe Flacco began the year looking like the second coming of Johnny U and ended it looking more like a gimpy Trent Dilfer 2.0, tasked merely with handing the ball off and managing the game. It is unclear that this in-season regression was due to nagging injuries, a lack of a competent receiving corps (and it looks like the Ravens will have a tough time upgrading this unit with free agent wide receivers unless the owners and the players can come together and put in place a new CBA) or a genuine sophomore slump. I would like to see Joe take more of a leadership role on the offense and behave less like a emotionless cybernetic organism fueled by Pizza Hut pizza.

Jersey Shore has become a cultural phenomenon not because of the controversy surrounding the Snookie punch, or the perceived ethnic stereotypes it portrayed. Its popularity was based upon the fact that Jersey Shore is a fucking great show. I defy any of its staunchest critics to sit and watch the season in its entirety and not grow to truly care about the characters. Sure, they are over-the-top and flamboyantly Italian, but these people are genuinely likable. We went from laughing at Snooki, to laughing with Sitch to genuinely caring about the future prospects of Ronnie and Sam's relationship.

I always thought that my dream was to be on the cast of the Real World (the amazing thing about the Shore is they got this much great material from barely more than a month in the shore house, while the Real Worlders are together for at least 6 months), but I would trade any "seven strangers" for a chance to chase poon in Seaside Heights with The Situation and Pauly D for a summer (I would put these two up as the best television dynamic duo since Bunk and McNulty and Vic and Shane and Jerry and George). Not since The Big Lebowski has there been a more quotable pop-culture commodity. From "beating the beat up" to "gorilla juiceheads" to "haterade is best served cold" there wasn't a 5-minute stretch that didn't feature an absolutely classic zinger or a knee-slappable one-liner.

Those of us that stayed up to tune into the Jersey Shore reunion show were treated to one of the more uncomfortable hours of television in recent memory. Everything started out predictably enough with Mike taking the stage to do his normal Situation shtick and take abuse from Vinnie and Ronnie. Soon he was joined by his wingman, Pauly and hilarity, of course, ensued. If you watched closely, however, you could tell things were going to get strange. Every time the camera stopped on Ronnie and Sammie, it was obvious that something just wasn't right there. They were sitting next to each other, but their body language suggested that they would rather not be. Sammie's facial expressions ranged from boredom to embarrassment to sheer rage. As soon as the two took the stage, the lightheartedness and fun that characterized the entire show was sucked out of the room faster than it took Snookie to pound 10 shots and strip down to her bra and leopard panties on the first night in the shore house. It was instantly replaced with an awkward bitterness, as Sammie sat in silence and Ronnie threw emotional haymakers. Eventually Sammie broke down, ran off the stage and locked herself in the bathroom to have a good cry with one of the show's producers. She composed herself, came back the stage and promptly broke things off with Ronnie (sending my girlfriend into a frenzied people.com search to find out if they had really broken up for good). From then on, the show was tense and you could tell the cast just wanted to get the hell out of there and get to their paid bar appearance. Not even the eternally peppy Snookie could raise the spirits of the room.

Much like the Ravens' season, Jersey Shore came in with a bang and went out with a whimper, but, boy, was the ride fun.

Here's a little something to keep you going while I'm on vacation in Chicago

2010-01-16T07:37:00.000-08:00

Check out this hilarious video.

It combines to of my favorite things: NBC's Parks and Rec and the Wu-Tang Clan. Enjoy and check back next week for new postings on Skins when I get home. Bring the mothafuckin' ruckus.

Skins- Intro (If you like sex, drugs and British cursing, you're gonna like this show)

2010-01-09T14:30:00.001-08:00

The other day I stumbled across a show on my Netflix Instant Queue called Skins and upon watching it decided immediately to scrap any further discussion of The Shield for the time being. (Ok, fine a little more Shield discussion. The season finale of The Shield was quite possibly the most gut-wrenchingly satisfying series-ender that I have ever seen. The scenes with Shane and Mora were heart breaking, as were the scenes of Vic coming clean to ICE. As sad and upsetting as everything ended, I couldn't imagine it working as well if it happened any other way. Vic was able to stay one step ahead of everyone else, only his final step landed him in a place more horrible than any fate he could have imagined, nine-to-five office hell.) Skins is a wonderful little British show about the lives of a group of high school friends. It is a serious, character driven comedy featuring a great ensemble cast of young actors.

One of the most interesting aspects of the show is hearing to the how these Brits talk. They have swearing skills that put the average American teen to shame. I have a whole new swearing vocabulary now. Oh yeah of forgot to mention....they can fucking swear on TV in England! The show originally aired on England's E4 Network, which, I think is a cable channel akin FX (I heard it was rebroadcast on BBC America, but it was censored, so fuck that. I also heard that MTV was in the process of developing an American version, which will undoubtedly suck). Skins is a high school dramedy with tons of swearing, nudity, weighty thematic content and copious drug use (the title of the show, Skins, is a reference to both sex and rolling papers, which are referred to as skins in England). If that last sentence alone doesn't make you want to fire up your Netflix and start watching this thing, maybe this isn't the blog for you.

While the show takes on a variety of issues and topics, at its core it is a show about friendship, sex, young love, losing your virginity, growing up and doing drugs. (I gotta be honest here; if I were to make a TV show, it would probably be about those same exact things, which is probably why the show resonated with me so much.) It is also a serves as a sort of social commentary about youth in the UK. Skins is a very self aware show. It knows it is a show about the lives of high schoolers, which is not exactly a ground breaking concept. It even makes reference to American shows with similar themes, namely Dawson's Creek, The O.C., and Friends. Although it isn't mentioned in the show, the most obvious comparison, at least to me, would be to Freaks and Geeks. It also reminded me bit of Glee at times (the soundtrack to the show is pretty brilliant).

The way Skins' episodes are structured is interesting and works really well. Each episode is told through the perspective of a different character, which allows the writers to experiment with different styles and delve deeply into the personalities of each character. The main characters are Tony (the ring leader), Michelle (Tony's girlfriend, who he refers to as Nips because he says she has weirdly shaped nipples. Hilarious.), Sid (Tony's best friend, has a crush on Michelle) Cassie (spacey but sweet chick with a serious eating disorder), Chris (totally in love with his Pyschology teacher), Maxxie (the gay friend), Jal (the musician), and Anwar (the Muslim friend, played by Dev Patel, the Slumdog Millionaire himself. By the way, if you didn't think Slumdog was the best movie of 2008, stop reading this blog right now and stick your head in an oven).

If you have Netflix, a long weekend and at least an eighth, pop on Skins and settle in. You will thank me later.

Check back early and often for episode recaps!

The Sheild REWATCH, Episodes 2-8 with a focus on Episode 8

2009-12-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

I know I said that I would be writing about each episode of the final season as I watched them, but as I made my way through the first half of the season I began to remember why, when it was originally aired, I became frustrated with the show and ultimately stopped watching. The constant merry-go-round of convoluted plot twists, combined with the occasionally great, often times cheesy Vic Mackey one-liners can be a lot to handle.

To be honest, I was getting a little bored, and frankly stopped caring about which mob boss, or federal agent, or Strike Team member was trying to blackmail who. That was until I reached episode eight.

Shane, upon discovering Vic and Ronnie's failed attempt to have him murdered along with the Armenians, decides to strike back. He enlists the help of a gangbanger named Two Man (Well, really he blackmails him into helping. At this point they should have renamed the show That Show Where Everyone Blackmails Eachother for 43 Minutes) to kill Ronnie, while Shane will take care of Vic himself. The plan blows up in his face and both Vic and Ronnie survive. Two Man caves and gives up Shane, who flees The Barn during Two Man's confession. Before taking off for Mexico or some other safe place, Shane has Mara pay a visit to Vic's wife Corrine. She tells Corrine all of the Strike Team's dirty secrets, including Terry's murder and the money train heist. She tells (blackmails) Corrine that unless she and Vic help them avoid apprehension she will make all of Vic's dirty laundry pubic. Corrine agrees, but tells Vic that after this ordeal is over she and the kids are leaving for good and he will never see them again.

Now that's what I call an episode! With only a few episodes left, the pace and the stakes have certainly picked up. Although I'm pretty sure I know how the whole deal ends, I look forward to finding out how it all unfolds. I'll do one final, comprehensive post about the season and the show as a whole after I watch the series finale.

The Sheild Final Season REWATCH, Episode 1

2009-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

The first episode of the final season of The Shield starts off along the same line as the sixth season ended, with a member of the Strike Team entering a fellow member's home and terrorizing his wife and children. This time its Vic and Ronnie waiting for Shane to come home and find his wife bound and gagged. They jump Shane and he spills some of the beans about Armenian predicament he has gotten them all in. The whole plot with the Strike Team, Paz Pensuela (I think that's the guys name, but I'm not exatly sure. I'll get this figured out by episode two), David Aceveda, and the two major Armenian players is simply too complicated for me to articulate clearly in this forum, but if you haven't seen the previous 6 seasons of this show and you don't understand a thing you have just read, please stop reading and get the DVDs (then, of course, start reading again).

To summarize where we are at now please draw your attention to the longest sentence you will ever read on this blog. (I am going to try my best to properly punctuate this but...unlikely):

Vic is trying to save his job, which he is in danger of losing (due to forced retirement) because of a long history of accusations and suspicions leveled against him, ranging from extortion to armed robbery, money laundering, black mail, kidnapping, and murder, by using leverage (another word for something a person uses to blackmail another person) against city officials, including Aceveda (Vic finally sees the infamous picture of Aceveda with a Mexican banger's dick in his mouth from a couple of seasons back. This is one of the great things about watching episodes of a show you used to really like after a few years of separation, you get reminded of great bits from the shows past; like Aceveda sucking a guy's cock. Good stuff), and Mexican real estate developers with ties to both drug cartels and the Mexican government, while at the same time attempting to keep his family both safe from, and in the dark about, the threat that the Armenian mob, who now finds itself in the unenviable position of being in the midst of both an internal civil war and a power struggle within the Strike Team between Vic and Shane, poses to their lives as they know them.

The episode ends with Vic using Pensuela to pressure one of the people who decides whether he is able to remain on the force to step down from his position on the panel, giving him an extra 30 days on the force. The end also gives us a idea of what we will see in the coming episode or two. Vic and Shane have, seemingly (we kinda know already that solving this problem with the Armenians won't be that simple), played the Mexicans against the Armenians and now just have to, in Vic's words, "sit back and watch the gang war". By the way, how awesome does it sound to be able to "watch a gang war". If I was flipping through the channels and landed on a show that promised me the ability to watch a gang war I would take he batteries out of the remote and settle in for the duration because that show would not coming off the t.v., ever.

Final Thoughts:

This episode gives Ronnie's first full blown murder. He kills an Armenian hitman, who went after Vic's family, to keep some heat off Vic. He seems a little shaken by the indecent.

Also, we saw a lot of Vic's older daughter, Cassidy, in this episode. She could not be weirder. She gives me the creeps every time she is on screen. His youngest two kids are the ones with autism right? Cassidy is supposed to be "normal" I thought? What the hell is wrong with her, is the character supposed to be all weird like that or is it just the actress that plays her? And lastly, Cassidy is a terrible name. If your name is Cassidy, and your first name is not Butch, you suck.

The Sheild REWATCH Intro

2009-12-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

I am off work for the Holidays for a few days, my girlfriend is out of town and pretty much all of the good shows are on hiatus until next year. Perfect timing for me to catch up on some shows that I missed out on when they originally aired. My XBox recently broke and I was unable to watch my Netflix Instant Watch movies and shows, but my girl came through for me and got me a new one for Christmas. When I got onto Netflix, I was pumped to find the last two seasons of The Shield were available for instant viewing.

Before I get to writing about any specific episodes, I would first like take a moment to discuss the show in general. I loved The Sheild when FX introduced it. To me, prior to The Wire premiering, The Shield was the ultimate cop drama. Better than Law and Order, better than NYPD Blue, and certainly better than any of the bullshit CSI spin-offs the networks have been peddling for the past decade. (By the way, I know there has been some confusion over what this past decade will be known as in the future. Will it be called the aughts? The zeros? I suggest calling it The Decade of Shitty Network Crime Dramas with Acronyms In Their Titles. Catchy right?) But for some reason, I stopped watching somewhere in the middle of the sixth season. I can't remember the exact reason, but I suspect it had something to do with The Wire being aired around the same time. My thought process was probably, "If I can watch a cop drama that a. Airs on HBO and allows cursing and nudity, b. Takes place in my fucking backyard, and c. Is arguably the very best show ever to grace a television screen, why would I waste my time with The Shield?"

Looking back, I was wrong to think this way. It is unfair to hold The Shield, or any show for that matter, to the standards set by The Wire. The next spate of postings will be dedicated to analyzing season seven, the final season, of The Shield and will serve to keep my mind nimble as I wait for the new season of shows to start as well as to pay tribute to a great show that, as the show drew to a close, did not garner enough credit from this viewer. I am sorry, The Shield, I hope these posts make up for me abandoning you on your death bed.

Humpday Reviewed

2009-12-23T20:03:00.000-08:00

So, you know, its the end of the year and everything and the internet is teeming with these "Best of..." lists (even more so this year than most due to the fact that it also the end of a decade). I kind of like these lists, mainly because I often have my impeccable taste in music/movies/shows/restaurants/whatever validated. After reading a few you start to see the same movie (or whatever the list is comprised of) pop up on several different site's lists. This year, one of those movies is Humpday, something I hadn't seen yet. Interest piqued by the title, I decided to check out what the movie was about. It's website claimed: "Late into the night at a wild party, two guys find themselves locked in a mutual dare: to enter an amateur porn contest together." Sounds promising, right?

The first thing I noticed when Humpday started was that it stars Mark Duplass, who I had just been introduced to on FX's The League. The League has been discussed a few times on this blog, but not since the last four or five episodes aired. I'll get back to Humpday in a second. Like almost all of FX''s programming, I thought The League was an original, well conceived show with a great premise. However, unfortunately the execution of that central idea/theme left a bit to be desired. The show's funniest characters (Ruxton, Dr. Dre, Taco, The Oracle) weren't used to the best of their potential and towards the last few episodes the story arc really came off the tracks. It felt like a big inside joke that the audience was only halfway in on. (What was the fucking deal with Shiva? Why was she so influential during the league members' formative years? Why did they name the trophy after her?) All that said, I would still definitely watch if they decide to make a second season.

Humpday is being billed as a comedy. Don't be fooled, friends, for that is an complete and utter miscategorization. This movie, while providing a few chuckles along the way, builds a level of edge-of-your-seat tension and what-the-fuck-is-about-to-happen suspense that puts Hitchcock to shame.

Basically, the movie is about two old college friends, who's lives had lead them along separate path's, reuniting...and then deciding to bone each other. Duplass plays Ben, an affable yuppie who has recently decided to try to have a baby with his loving wife Anna. One night the couple is awoken by the sound of his old buddy Andrew pounding on their front door. Ben hasn't seen Andrew in years and Anna has only met him once (at their wedding) and doesn't appear to recognize him (presumably because of the thick beard he is now sporting). Surprised, but happy to see him, Ben invites Andrew inside. Anna is a little freaked out, but she is a good sport and welcomes him with open arms, even offering to make her famous pork chops for the three of them. Ben asks him what he has been up to and where he has been and is informed that Andrew has been working on art projects with impoverished children in South America. He also tells them about a trip to Morocco during which he met a princess who bought him a hat, which he wears throughout the movie.

The next day, while Ben is at work, Andrew meets a group of fellow 'artists' who invite him to a party at their house/art studio, which they have named "Dionysus" or something to that effect. Andrew gladly accepts the invitation and extends one of his own to Ben to join the party when he gets off work. Reluctantly, Ben shows up at Dionysus, with the intention of only staying an hour. After a few drinks and a joint he starts to really have fun getting to know these hippie-art-freaks and catching up with Andrew. As everyone continues to party, the conversation eventually turns to an "art contest" hosted by a local movie theater called Humpfest for which contestants submit an amateur porn movie.

Someone (I think it was Ben, but I'm not sure), suggests an idea for a porno that would be sure to win first place in Humpfest: Ben and Andrew, two completely straight dudes, totally just nailing each other. Jackpot. Everyone agrees that it is a brilliant idea. They schedule the shoot for that Sunday.

The remainder of the movie is like a perverse version of the chicken scene from Rebel Without a Cause, except with cocks instead of cars. Neither man wants to back down or let the other off the hook. It is back and forth with the "will they or won't they go through with it" until the tension boils over into a you-gotta-see-it-to-believe-it final hotel room scene that will absolutely make your skin crawl, gay or straight.

While I'm not sure this movie would make it on any of my lists for best movie of the year, it certainly sits atop my list of movies during which I uttered the phrase "what...the.........FUCK" the most times. In a year full of bromances, Humpday is the strangest.

SOA Season 2 Finale! (Sorry it took so long to get up)

2009-12-14T16:01:00.001-08:00

Let's take a second to catch our collective breath and take inventory of where we are and who we have left.

Jax and Clay are on land. The Irishman Cameron (Da') and baby Abel are at sea. And Jemma and Unser are in the wind.

The bodycount, in my estimation is as follows:
The Nazi inmate who gouged out Otto's good eye.
Henry Rollins.
A slew of Mayans.
Edmund Hayes (the young Irishman).
Polly Zobelle.
Half-Sack (Dagger. Literally.)
Did I miss anyone?

So how did we get here?

The season finale starts with Weston and Zobelle sitting in jail with SAMCRO waiting for them outside and Unser keeping tabs inside. Unser catches wind of Zobelle's imminent release and approaches Agent Stahl for answers. He tells her about Jemma's rape and explains that he needs a reason to give Clay as to why Zobelle is being released. A strange look appears on Stahl's face (the patented "I'm thinking but it also looks like I might have just sharted" look Stahl has popularized) and she proceeds to tell Unser that Zobelle is an FBI informant. At first, I suspected that Stahl was making this story up in an attempt to somehow set SAMCRO up down the line, but soon after we find out that Zobelle is indeed an informant. Weston is also released from jail once the cops find out that the witness that placed him at the scene of the arson is himself a convicted felon. Unfortunately for Weston, unlike Zobelle, he does not have the benefit of a Mayan escort out of the jail.

Sons of Anarchy has, at its core, always been a show about two things; loss and the relationship between fathers and sons. Last night's episode displayed those themes in spades.

In order to keep himself safe from the Sons, Weston (wrongly) thought it would be prudent to bring his young son with him to the tattoo parlor while he got some new ink. Jax and company ambush the pair in the bathroom. They spare the boy, but not before Weston leaves him with a last piece of fatherly advice, "never talk to the cops". Weston doesn't beg for mercy or try to delay the inevitable. He only asks that the boy never see his father's bullet riddled corpse in the bathroom stall. Jax seems content to oblige.

Upon arrival back at the club house, Jax is met by Clay and the crew who express their pride in Jax. Clay embraces him and tells him that he is a good son. Drinks are raised and a toast is made to "sons". It is implied that this toast goes for both capital S "Sons (of Anarachy)" and lowercase s "sons (Jax)".

While out shopping for supplies with Tara, Half-Sack and baby Abel, Jemma spots Polly Zobelle who is buying flowers for Eddie. (She has disobeyed her father and left the protection of the cigar shop to see her lover one last time before flying home to Budapest. Speaking of Budapest, I guess this explains the strange accent/inflection Zobelle has slipped in and out of all season.) What follows, will reverberate in Sons-of-Anarchy-land for the show's foreseeable future.

Tara sees Jemma sizing up Polly and asks her who she is. Jemma tells her that she is the one that lured her into the van and hit her over the head, leading to her rape. Jemma and Tara, with the baby in the backseat and Sack following on his bike behind pull out behind Polly as she departs the flower shop. Tara asks where they are going and Jemma responds, "We are going forward, Sweetheart." This where things get really complicated. (Please forgive the lengthy plot summary, but the next sequence of events is pretty complicated, so I figured it would be best if I told what happens first and then tried to analyze it as a whole after.)

Jemma and company follow Polly in the direction of the ATF safe house where Edmund and Stahl are waiting for the arrival of Cameron. Cameron has instructed Eddie to kill agent Stahl in order to prove his allegiance to Jimmy O. Eddie attempts to accomplish this first by trying to shoot her, only to find out his gun is loaded with blanks, then by punching her in the groin. After this fails, he tries to make a break for freedom, only to be gunned down by Stahl. Panicked, Stahl lies to her AFT partners over the radio, saying that the shots they heard were all the blanks from Edmund's gun.

A few minutes later, Polly arrives on the scene with Jemma right on her tail. Tara, sensing what Jemma has in mind, tries in vain to talk her out of it. Jemma responds with some bogus reason about having to do this because Jax and Clay are out there risking their lives for her. For good measure, she throws in a bit about God having put Polly in her path so she can "fix the part of (her) they ripped open".

Polly walks into the safehouse and sees Eddie laying on the floor in a pool of blood (Stahl is sort of hiding behind a wall in the room with Eddie's body when she walks in). Polly pulls a piece out of her purse (damn, I'm like the king of alliteration) and slowly walks toward Eddie's body. As she approaches the room with Eddie's body in it, we see a great shot of Stahl behind a wall, next to the door Polly is approaching and Jemma entering the front door right behind Polly. All three women are in the same frame and each has their weapon drawn. Stahl can't see Polly or Jemma, Polly can't see Stahl or Jemma and Jemma can't see Eddie or Stahl. But we can see them all. Jemma tells Polly to drop her gun, when she refuses and makes a move towards Jemma, Jemma shoots her. Jemma, mentally and emotionally exhausted, plops down on the coach instead of immediately leaving the scene. Big mistake. Stahl pops out from behind the wall and points her gun at Jemma. Jemma sees Eddie's body laying behind Stahl and calmly says to her, "Bloody day for both of us, huh?" Stahl asks Jemma about Polly's involvement in the rape and says she is sorry that it happened to her. Now at this point, I am thinking that it might be a possibility that Stahl would just let Jemma go out of pity over the rape and somehow make the scene look like Polly and Eddie killed each, maybe like a Phil Hartman/Steve McNair-esque murder/suicide took place. But of course Stahl had to act like the world class cunt she is and made Jemma touch the gun that she shot Eddie with, leaving her prints on it and making it seem like Jemma shot both Eddie and Polly. Then she lets Jemma walk out. When Jemma is gone, Stahl radios for back-up and says that Jemma killed Polly and Eddie. Cameron, who is enroute, overhears this on his police radio scanner and becomes overcome with rage...

Phewww, that was exhausting. Is everyone still with me? Were you able to follow all that? Well, who cares, if you're reading this, you probably saw the episode anyway.

I have several bones to pick with this series of events. First, why did Stahl have to lie to her partners about shooting Eddie? He attacked her, why wouldn't she have told them the truth? Why would she risk her career and her freedom by lying and trying to cover up the shooting when it seems like she was totally justified in her actions? Second, it seems like it is totally out of character for Jemma to decide to take revenge on Polly like that. She spent almost the entire season trying to keep the rape under wraps because she knew that the violence that would occur if it were to come out would bring her world crashing down. Also, she has wittingly made Tara an accomplice to murder by telling her what she planned on doing. Granted, these are small gripes about what could be easily considered the most exciting, suspenseful and gratifying 15 minutes in show history.

Zobelle, stilled holed up in the cigar store with Alvarez and the Mayans, gives up on waiting for Polly and decides to head out of town without her. (This is how we know Zobelle is truly evil, he abandons his own daughter. Even Weston, the Nazi rapist refused to flee without his kids. In keeping with the theme of the show, I wonder if Polly was a 'son' and not a daughter, would Zobelle have been so quick to leave her?)

On a winding road outside of Charming, the Sons ambush Zobelle and the Mayans. They spare Alvarez (incomprehensibly) and chase Zobelle into a nearby bodega. The store is filled with school children, so instead of running in guns blazing, the Sons decide to lay siege and wait for the kids to leave.

Meanwhile, at Jax's house Half-Sack tells Tara that Jemma is gone and the Feds raided the house that they saw her go into. While Tara is on the phone trying to explain the situation to Jax, Cameron bursts in, gun drawn. Jax hears her shriek before the line goes dead and is forced to leave Clay and the rest of the crew and head home to find out what it going on. (Opie goes with him. It is nice to see Jax and Opie together again and the writers really pounded this point home by having them repeatedly refer to each other as "Brother".)

Grieving, bloodthirsty, and bent on revenge ("A son for a son."), Cameron stabs Half-Sack, ties up Tara and absconds with baby Abel. This scene is tough to watch. Cameron, sobbing, holds a knife to the baby, looking like he might actually go through with it until Half-Sack jumps up, only to have the knife buried in his chest. This is a real shame, who is going to provide the show with its much needed comic relief now that the uni-balled Prospect is no longer with us? (I came across an interview with Kurt Sutter, creator of the show, and he claims that the actor who played Half-Sack wanted off the show. This may or may not be true, but if it is, what is that moron thinking? Does he think that 7th Heaven, or American Dreams or The OC is going to come back for another run?(He had small, but recurring roles in these notable shows. None of which were half as good as Sack))

Upon Jax's arrival Tara fills him in with what happened to Abel. The color drains from his face and is replaced with sheer panic. He immediately calls Clay and manages to utter the simple, yet effective, "I need you." Clay, understanding that family is more important than revenge rounds up the troops and heads back to Charming to find Abel. This is a telling and meaningful act, considering the state of the relationship between the two throughout the season as well as the personal importance killing Zobelle holds for Clay.

This monster episode ends with Zobelle boarding a charter jet (When the woman checking him into the flight asks whether his daughter will be accompanying him, he calmly says no and that he will just have to "adjust and adapt" without her. And this is after he knows that she has been killed! Cold-blooded.), Hale comforting a sobbing Tara, Unser driving his police car out of Charming with a fugitive Jemma in the passenger seat, and Jax and rest of the Sons watching Cameron speed away from the dock in a boat with Abel, all while a vastly-inferior-to-the-original cover of 'Gimme Shelter' wails in the background (This episode seemed to use background music to drive home the mood of a scene a lot more than the show had in the past. Sometimes it worked, other times...not so much).

This leads us to the obvious question: What will season 3 have in store for us?

We know for sure it will involve:
Getting Abel back.
Somehow bringing Jemma back to Charming.
Dealing with the fallout with Irish.
Stahl fucking everything up for the club.

Kurt Sutter claims it could involve:
The club going to Ireland. (Intriguing.)
Unser stepping down as Chief of Police.
Tom Arnold's Georgie could be back.
The federal charges against the club from when they raided the Aryan Church have not disappeared.
Opie will continue to struggle in his relationships with the people responsible for Donna's death (Clay/Tig).

Well, until next season......The Crow Flies Straiiighhhhttttt.

Your Boy Gets Some Validation

2009-12-03T16:56:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am like an Oracle in terms of being ahead of the curve on television shows. Exhibit A, a link to an article in Slate, a well-respected online magazine, which gives props to NBC's Parks and Recreation. I doubt the author reads That Unfresh Feeling, but some of the language and opinions in the article are nearly identical to postings I did about the show weeks ago. Snaps for me.

Check back soon for a comprehensive look at the Sons of Anarchy season finale.

- Huge. Quickly. Bye.

Quick Thoughts on SOA

2009-11-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

I'll keep this week's thoughts on SOA short and sweet. It felt like the writers chose an unfortunate time for a throw-away episode. Compared to last week's thriller, this week's episode felt like a snooze. That said here are some observations:

- Early in the episode Clay makes a promise to his flock that "no one else will be hurt under (his) watch". He can't possibly keep this promise and making it will surely come back to bite him.

- Tara has really begun to embrace her status as Jax's old lady. First she gets waited on in the club house, then she goes crazy on that bitch from the hospital. While it was extremely gratifying to see her beat the shit out of that annoying woman, it was completely out of character for her. It would have been better for her to use her brain to get back at her than her fists.
-I'm pumped to see Half-Sack finally get patched in.

- Did anyone else notice the very unparental kiss that Zobelle laid on his daughter? Either she is not really his daughter or Zobelle is even sicker than anyone thought.

- I liked the fact that Lem from The Sheild made an appearance as a member of the Tacoma chapter of SAMCRO. He was one of my favorite characters, lets just hope no one chucks a grenade into his car this time.

- The Rainbow Coalition of SAMCRO, the Niners and the Chinese was pretty silly. Well, actually, that whole rumble scene was pretty silly. Anyone catch Tig's Mike Tyson/Walter Sobchak ear bite? How could Weston neglect to send someone to scope out the scene of their brawl before hand to make sure they wouldn't be out-gunned?

-It is interesting who Unser has transformed into one of the most sympathetic characters on the show. He used to be sleezy, crooked cop. Now he is a sleezy, crooked cop who is essential to SAMCRO's success against the Nazis.

- It seemed as if Zobelle picked up some sort of accent at the end of the episode. He has always had a particular manner of speech, but never an accent. Weird.

That's it for now. Expect much more next week after the 90 minute finale.

Netflix Watch Instantly Column #1

2009-11-24T18:11:00.001-08:00

This is the first installment of an ongoing column dedicated to reviewing and recommending the "Watch Instantly" movies on Netflix. Anyone with a Netflix subscription is familiar with the type of movies found in this category. They are typically older classics (Die Hard, Terminator, The Big Lebowski), low budget independent films, bizarre horror movies, foreign films, and genuine crap. I have Monday's off from work, so I usually spend most of the day sitting around waiting for other people to get home. To kill time I like to choose a movie from this Netflix Watch Instantly list. I will rate these movies using a scale that is based on two factors: how bored you would have to be to decide to watch the movie and how high you would have to be to actually enjoy the movie. Without further adieu, here is the first inaugural Neflix Watch Instantly Review.

Fetching Cody

I selected this particular film because it stars Jay Baruchel, an alumnus of Undeclared, one of my favorite TV shows. (Apparently Jay is a pretty recognizable star in Canada. Unfortunately, the only American movie I can remember him being in was Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, where he just had a bit part.)

Fetching Cody is essentially a love story about two drug addicted street kids on Vancouver's East Side. This setting plays a prominent role in the cinematography of the film. There are a lot of shots of abandoned buildings and gritty streetscapes. I had no idea that Canadian ghettos existed, but apparently they do. The film is a fairy-tale of sorts, so there is very little gratuitous sex, violence or drug use, despite repeated reference to all three.

The film opens with a shot of Art (Baruchel) and his girlfriend Cody riding his bike around the slums making small talk with the local homeless people, trannies and drug pushers. Soon the couple part ways as Cody hops into a passing truck, presumably to turn a trick. Later that evening, Art climbs through the window of Cody's one-room apartment and finds her in a coma with a syringe and a bent spoon laying next to her. This is where things begin to get bizarre.

Cody is taken to the hospital, where Art is informed that she is suffering from kidney failure. It is made clear that this failure is a result of years of abuse and not simply an overdose (a fairly important distinction later in the movie). Dazed and with nowhere to go, Art stumbles into a bar where he meets Harvey, an older homeless man. Harvey tells Art that he has a warm and dry place for him to stay the night in an abandoned warehouse or factory of some sort. Inside the place Art finds an old recliner, wrapped in Christmas lights. He soon discovers that this chair is a time machine and he is determined to use it to go back in time to keep Cody safe and healthy.

This film immediately brings to mind The Butterfly Effect. The similarities are countless. Much like Ashton Kutcher's character in Butterfly, Art discovers dark secrets about his lover and realizes that is impossible to change the past without completely altering the present. The writer/director of Fetching Cody claims that he started writing the story years before Butterfly was released, but who really cares? So what that the movies are similar?

While The Butterfly Effect attempts to explain and rationalize the time travel, Fetching Cody, to its credit, doesn't bother. The movie is a fairy tale (and its knows it) and as such does not insult the viewers intelligence by attempting to make the supernatural elements of the story realistic.

Without giving too much of the ending away, the point of the movie is to demonstrate the fact that sometimes in order to save the people you love, sometimes you have let them go (If you love something, set it free). I really enjoyed the movie on both an emotional and aesthetic level. While Baruchel is way too clean and well put together to be believable as a drug addled homeless person, he is extremely convincing as a guy who just wants his girl back. And after sitting at home alone all day long waiting for my girl to get home, I could relate.

Boredom Rating: Familiarity with star, plus plot based on drug use and time travel, equals a movie I would watch even if I wasn't bored.
Intoxication Rating: Half a joint. Not necessary, but certainly helpful.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

2009-11-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

Thursday night's Always Sunny revisited an aspect of the shows mythology that I was worried they had abandoned. Everyone knows that the shows is about a group of horrible losers who destroy everything around them except each other. In past seasons however, despite being so awful, Dennis was a capable, if not remarkable, coxman. Unfortunately, prior to this episode, the writers had neglected this aspect of his character.

This episode, titled "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System", has a simple premise: Dennis schools the gang on his patented system for getting women to fall in love with him. (He uses an acrostic (the second acrostic featured in Thursday's T.V. line up, the first one was used in 30 Rock) on a flip-chart for effect.) The system is...well, I'm just going to come out and say it...the system is fucking genius.

D- Display Value: For Dennis this means filling a forged prescription for a fake grandmother. For Charlie it means breaking into the Waitresses house with a bag of hair and dismantling her garbage disposal. (It was nice to see the Waitress again, I hope they bring her back to the forefront a little bit. She always brings out the most pathetic (and funniest) side of Charlie.)

Engage Physically: This step involves not only Dennis and his lady friend (a.k.a victim, played by Dennis' real life wife) but also a confederate (namely Mac). Dennis takes his date to a restaurant he knows to be closed. After feigning surprise he suggests they order a pizza and eat at his apartment. Upon arriving at home with said pizza, the couple find Mac sitting on the couch (he would have been in the his room but he saw a black widow spider in there). Seeking privacy, Dennis invites the young lady into his room where he seduces her over a slice of fresh 'za.

Nurture Dependence: Dennis offers a few options to achieve this step: Slashing her tires so she can't drive and must depend on him for a ride, calling her home late at night from a payphone and threatening her in a scary voice so that she runs into his protective arms, etc.

Neglect Emotionally: Self-explanatory.

Inspire Hope: Cue Top Gun Sex Scene.

Separate Entirely: Also, pretty self-explanatory

As the episode goes on we discover that in addition to the D.E.N.N.I.S. system, members of the gang are also employing the M.A.C. system (Move In After Completion), which pretty much consists of Mac sweeping in after Dennis "Separates Entirely" and offering the ladies a shoulder to cry on. Then he bangs them. Further down the food chain is Frank. His plan involves flashing Magnum Condoms and a wad of hundreds at Dennis' and Mac's scraps in the hopes on enticing them with his massive dong.

The episode features a sub-plot involving Dee and her Army boyfriend (from the wrestling episode), who is actually wearing the pair of jorts Frank gave him. Dennis is convinced that army guy is trying to "D.E.N.N.I.S." her. To prove her independence, Dee decided to treat her new boyfriend like shit. He eventually gets fed up and leaves her, but not before calling her a "mean person" (understatement of the season). More importantly, we get more evidence that Kaitlin Olson is one of the more gifted physical comediennes on TV right now. Last season we got a scene of her careening out the door of a shoe store and directly into a parked car, this episode we got a shot of her falling head over high-heels down a steep hill.

Eventually Frank destroys the entire system by attempting to bypass the M.A.C. system and go straight to the scraps by announcing to Dennis's victim that Dennis (and by extension, possibly her) has HIV. The final scene is classic Sunny chaos in which everyone is screaming over one another, Charlie pays a carnie to stab the waitress and a poor elderly woman (Gladys, the piano player from the Nightman Cometh episode) is abandoned at the fair.

-Welcooommme tooo helllllll......

All wrapped up in a bow...

2009-11-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

I am kind of glad I neglected to post anything about last week's SOA episode. Last night had way more to talk about than the 90 minute extended episode from last week.

The episode was chock-full of powerful moments and big surprises. Tara and Jax get a knock on their door at night, scared, Jax pulls out his gun to answer the door. When he discovers that it is Clay at the door he invites him inside and promptly hands Tara his weapon. We see Tara hesitate for a split second before taking the pistol and there is a shot of her silhouette framed by the doorway with the gun in her hand. At that moment Tara has chosen Jax and the life that comes with him over the life that she had planned for herself.

During Clay's visit to Jax's house they discuss their next step in dealing with the aftermath of Jemma's bombshell from last week. Jax bluntly states that he wants "kill them all" and Clay's reaction to this is unclear. There is a clear role-reversal in terms of "strategic vision" going on. Initially Jax resisted Clay's heavy-handedness towards the Nazis, but after hearing that his mother had been raped he is ready to go to war. Clay, who for the entire season has been shortsighted and quick on the draw when dealing with his enemies, decides not to immediately spring into action (or violent rage) and to finally come up with a plan to exploit Zobelle's weaknesses, which is what Jax had been lobbying for the entire time.

Wow. What was up with Jemma this week? First we have a scene in which she tells Tara that her relationship with Clay is doomed because "men need to own their pussy" then she goes out and almost bangs Tig. What gives? I don't remember any reference from the past episodes to any simmering feelings between Jemma and Tig, yet that scene made it seem as if they had been pining for each other all along. I guess she just wanted to feel desired, and as for Tig, well, he has just about lost his mind, so who knows what he was thinking.

There had been plenty of scenes in the past few weeks foreshadowing Tig's eventual breakdown/confession, but that didn't make the scene where he finally came clean to Opie any less shocking. More shocking than the confession itself was the fact that Opie restrained himself and didn't kill Tig with his bare hands.

I don't quite understand why Opie was so quick to place so much blame on Agent Stahl. She is a manipulative bitch, but at the end of the day she is just doing her job by bringing down criminals. She certainly put the wheels of Donna's murder in motion but she didn't pull the trigger. Clay, on the other hand, a. didn't trust Opie, b. betrayed him and, c. killed his wife. The dialog in the scene where Opie tracks down Stahl, pulls his gun out as if to kill her and says "The outlaw showed mercy." was downright cheesy but who cares, it still gave me chills.

Last night we also saw another scene of Jemma seeking out religion. This time in the form of a heroin addict priest. Soon after this, we see Jax spreading the gospel of his father to Opie in the form of his manifesto. Are these scenes connected? Is there some sort of biblical allegory playing out here? I am not familiar enough with the source material to tell, but it certainly seems like they are going somewhere with this religious stuff.

The unsettling thing about this episode is that it all seems too convenient. Jemma has gotten her secret off her chest. So has Tig. Jax and Clay are back together (seemingly). Jax and Opie are best friends again. SAMCRO finally has some leverage against Zobelle. Chibs comes clean about his involvement with Stahl with no adverse consequences from the club. Clay shows Jemma that he still loves her even though she's been raped. And on. And on. This season has been too complex and too dark to simply wrap up in a bow. I hope the writers don't try to.

The Curse of Matt Stover

2009-11-18T15:35:00.000-08:00

With the release of Steve Hauschka and subsequent signing journeyman kicker Billy Cundiff, the Ravens have fully acknowledged that they made a mistake in the handling of the place-kicker position this off-season.

Ozzie Newsome, widely regarded as one of the leagues top GM’s, has made some extraordinary personnel moves over his career in Baltimore, however, he has made his fair share of blunders, this current kicker situation being the most recent.

In the past he has missed on high draft picks the likes of Travis Taylor, Kyle Boller (Brian Billick shares most of the blame for this disaster), Dan Cody (who I was excited about, but could never stay healthy), and Mark Clayton (The jury is still out on him, but considering he has never risen past the level of number two receiver on a weak receiving corps, I think it is pretty safe to say he has not met expectations).

Like most GM’s he has struggled to make a big impact on the field with his free-agent signings. Dominique Foxworth, Chris Carr and L.J. Smith have been complete non-factors. On the other hand, Kelly Washington has been a pleasant surprise.

With the Colts coming to town this weekend Ravens fans will have the pleasure of seeing Matt Stover at least one last time. Unfortunately he will be on the opposite sideline. The rationale behind cutting Stover before the season was that the Ravens would have to use an extra roster spot to carry two kickers because they felt that Stover would not be able to kick-off or hit long field goals. I refuse to believe that keeping Edgar Jones, Oneil Cousins or Frank Walker on the team was worth losing Stover.

Matt Stover is legend in Baltimore and he deserves a roster spot on this team until his leg falls off, I don’t care who you have to cut to make this happen. I hope if the Ravens lose this Sunday it is on a last second field goal by Money Matt Stover.

Thursday Night Spectacular

2009-11-13T18:23:00.000-08:00

The normal Thursday night line up was enhanced a tad this week by this season's first Thursday night football game. So, not only was a I watching Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, 30 Rock, Always Sunny and The League, I was also trying to keep track of the Bears vs. the Niners.

First, the football game - The Niners got their first win in over a month against coach Mike Singletary's former team. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw his fifth and final interception of the game on the final play to seal the 10-6 loss. It is starting to look like the Bears got the short end of the stick in the trade with Denver over the off season. Cutler has thrown a league leading 17 interceptions this season and the Bears have a long road ahead of them if they plan on making the playoffs. The Niners, despite losing 4 straight prior to last night, could still have a chance at the post-season due to the terrible division they play in.

Community - I'm out on this show. Don't care about it, don't think it is particularly funny. I only half-watched but from what I could gather, this episode was about McHale's character and the chick who plays Trudy Campbell joining a debate league. I wouldn't expect to see anything more written about Community on this blog.

Parks and Rec - Pretty hilarious episode. The Parks Department (well, mainly Leslie) is determined to create a contest winning mural that captures the spirit of Pawnee. Tom pays an art student $20 to create his mural for him. It turns out that the student is a budding abstract impressionist and the mural that he paints for Tom is just a bunch of shapes and colors. Anne draws an infantile picture of a park and glues pictures of animals cut from a magazine to it (Great zinger from Tom: "It looks like something a death row inmate would make during art therapy"). Jerry makes a beautiful photo-mosaic of a Pawnee landmark but makes the mistake of referring to it as a murinal (mural combined with urinal) and like always everyone shits on him. My favorite was Donna’s (I think that is the big black lady's name). She recreated of The Last Supper but instead of depicting Jesus and his disciples, her version featured famous Indianans (Larry Bird, Michael Jackson, Greg Kinnear (as Jesus)). The group can't agree on whose mural should represent the department in the contest, so they decide to combine the designs. The result is, predictably, a disaster, but the process brings the department closer together. There is a funny sub-plot about Andy becoming a shoeshine who becomes freaked out by an inappropriate sound Ron (fast becoming one of the funniest characters) utters during a shoe shining session.

The Office - Dunder-Mifflin might be going out of business! In order to keep his staff's minds off the impending doom, Michael orchestrates a rousing game of "Belles, Bourbon, and Bullets", a murder mystery game set in antebellum Savannah. Hilarious southern accents ensue (Andy’s displayed a knack for regional dialects).

30 Rock - I have begun to use the 30 Rock timeslot to enjoy my pre-Always Sunny jay. From what I saw, this episode was about the TGS cast welcoming a new member. I vaugely remember chuckling at a few Tracy Morgan jokes.

Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Sunny got back to its roots with this episode. It didn't waste any energy with elaborate story lines (breaking into the World Series, giving Frank an intervention, going on a road trip) and or settings (courtrooms, baseball stadium dungeons). This episode was all about the chemistry between the characters. One of the best things about the show has always been the little nuances and idiosyncrasies that the characters display from season to season. Here are some examples from this episode: Mac and Dennis pointing out Sweet D's resemblance to a bird, Mac's obsession with the male physique (I refuse to believe that a guy who is so obsessed with choreographed fight scenes and muscle bound men has never scene The Transporter), Charlie's love for felines (by the way, how funny is it that Charlie wears a McGregor sweatshirt. Is he a gym coach?), and Frank's love for trash. The plot for this episode is simple, yet effective (plus it included a sweet message about the importance of friendship (Mac/Dennis = Dynamic Duo, Frank/Charlie = Gruesome Twosome)). After D tells Dennis and Mac that they act like an old married couple they decide to take a break from each other. Mac goes to Charlie and Frank's house, Dennis goes to Sweet D's. D gets a cat stuck in her wall and enlists Charlie to assist in its extraction. Charlie puts more cats in her wall. D goes into the wall after them and gets stuck. Mac and Dennis reunite. The End.

Things I learned from the episode:

The importance of "packing on mass".

Apple skin and seeds are highly toxic.

Cigarette smoke suffocates the bacteria found in apple seeds and skins.

All calico cats are female.

The League - Thankfully, after the third episode, The League seems to be finding its voice. I think the writers may have read the posting where I complained about the wife characters; one is completely gone and the other has been pretty much relegated to the background (although Ruxton’s wife assumed a more central role in this episode). Speaking of my suggestions, the writers also clued us in to one of the teams names; Dr. Andre’s team is called Double Entendre (which absolutely sucks). This episode focused on a Sunday lunch party put on by the afore-mentioned wife of Ruxton (I have no clue what her name is. Something Spanish I think). He invites the rest of the league over because, obviously, if he can’t watch the games, no one can. We find out the Dr. Andre is member of another league ( The Fantasy Football League of Extraordinary Gentleman. Which absolutely sucks.); one in which he dominates and is revered as fantasy football guru. The episode ends with a toddler smearing dog feces (the dog’s name is Kale, which absolutely sucks) on an infant’s face.

Stay tuned for a review on the new Call of Duty game for the Xbox.

The Men Who Stare at Goats Review

2009-11-06T16:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I forewent my normal slate of Thursday evening television in favor of an advanced screening of The Men Who Stare at Goats. Big mistake. Let's just say if they made a movie about me in the theater it would be titled The Man Who Stares at His Watch.The movie wasn't awful, it certainly had a few bright spots that made me chuckle, but I couldn't help feeling disappointed. The cast was superb; George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Ewan McGregor all have the capacity to turn in great comedic performances, they just didn't (or couldn't).

The plot of The Men Who Stare at Goats (I use word 'plot' loosely in this instance) revolves around a reporter, Bob (McGregor), who travels to Iraq right after the US invasion in 2003 in search of a story (and to impress his wife, who has just left him for his editor). While waiting in Kuwait to enter Iraq, Bob meets Lyn (Clooney) at the hotel bar. McGregor soon discovers that Lyn was a member of a secret military unit of "psychic spies and jedi masters". Fascinated, Bob decides to write a story about this unit and tags along with Lyn into Iraq. The second act of the movie involves a series of flashbacks where we are filled in on the Lyn's backstory and the history of his psychic military unit called the New Earth Army. Bridges plays Bill, the founder of the New Earth Army and Larry (Spacey) is a jealous recruit who eventually brings down the unit. The movie really runs off the tracks in the third act. Clooney and McGregor, lost in the desert, stumble across a secret psychic compound run by Larry in conjunction with a burnt out Bill. Psychic experiments, which bear an uncanny resemblance to torture, are being performed upon Iraqi prisoners as well as goats. McGregor, Clooney and Bridges decide it is up to them to free both the men and the animals. They achieve this by distracting Larry and his comrades with a large dosage of LSD spiked into the compound's drinking water. If this sounds bizarre and somewhat difficult to follow/comprehend, its because it is.

The Men Who Stare at Goats felt like a Coen brothers movie, only without the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle, e.i. Walter Sobchak) nuances that make their movies so good. Lyn reminded me a little of the character Cloondog played in Burn After Reading and Bridges' Bill was the Dude if he had followed Walter into the Army during 'Nam. Both actors are Coen brothers veterans, so you would think that they would be able to recognize a disjointed, wanna-be Coen brothers script when the saw one.

The saddest thing about this movie is that midway through I remembered that I had seen George Clooney in the deserts of Iraq before and even with far inferior costars (Ice Cube, Marky Mark and Jamie Kennedy), I would have much rather watched Three Kings again than sit through the remainder of 'Goats.

CHEATERS WAS A FRAUD?!?!

2009-11-04T16:23:00.000-08:00

According to Inside Edition, the television show Cheaters was scripted and the men and women who cheated and were cheated on were nothing more than paid "actors". Here is an excerpt from the Inside Edition report:

But the best-known episode of Cheaters, the episode that put the show on the TV map, is the episode where host Joey Greco gets stabbed by an irate man caught cheating.

"So none of it was true?

"No," says Cassandra Terrazas, a Dallas hotel receptionist who says she was paid $350 for a few days work playing a woman who is caught having an affair with the man.

She was told the confrontation would take place on a lake located near Dallas. "It was all set up," she says. "They just rented a boat for us and we were supposed to be out like we were fishing and I was supposed to be sunbathing, and then they were going to come up on another boat and catch us."

The young man was immediately restrained, and Greco, blood gushing from his wound, was rushed back to shore where paramedics fought to save his life. A police car sped away, and the viewer is led to believe the knife-wielding cheater has been arrested and taken to the Rowlett Police Station.

But according to the police in Rowlett, Texas, that never happened. "There were no arrests at all during that time period for that type of crime," says John Ellison of the Rowlett Police Department.

According to Cassandra Terrazas the ambulance was rented, the blood was fake, and everything was scripted right down to the person who fell off the boat.

Do you know how bitter this makes me? I mean, I always suspected that the stabbing incedent may have been staged, but to hear that the entire show was a sham really breaks my heart. What I want to know is if they paid regular people to act as if they were cheating and being cheated on did these people also agree to bang each other on the hidden cameras they had set up? You would think that they would have to pay the "actors" more than $350 to bang a stranger on TV, right?

I used to think Joey Greco was the all time greatest douche-bag on TV, now I think...well actually I still think that.

Sons of Anarchy - Fa Guan

2009-11-04T15:48:00.000-08:00

I won't try to delve too deeply into this week's episode, I will save the major analysis for next week after the 90 minute season finale airs and we get a little more clarity and closure (or maybe not). That said, here are some of the most recent developments in the main story lines.

In earlier episodes this season it seemed that most of SAMCRO's rank and file would side with Clay in the inevitable splintering of the club. Now, I'm not so sure. Jax and Opie had a moment at the judge's house that seemed to suggest that their friendship is not completely lost. (Quick sidebar about the judge kidnapping: This whole plot line struck me as ridiculous. The Chinese recruited SAMCRO to pressure this judge into allowing a gun-smuggler into the country because if the Chinese did it themselves it would cause the judge to look into smuggler's possible connections to Asian organized crime as well as Hamas. Why the hell would it matter who does the pressuring? This whole thing made no sense to me. Also, how could Clay be so quick to jump in bed with a group affiliated with a member of Hamas? If he thought the ATF was up his ass, wait until the Department of Homeland Security lands in Charming. Working with the IRA is one thing, but an Islamic terrorist organization? Really, Clay? Hamas?) Also, Clay's right hand, Tig, appears to be rather disgruntled about his diminished responsibilities. I am now starting to think that Bobby would side with Jax. He seems to recognize the need for a shift in the club's philosophy as well as its income source. (By the way, Bobby has become one of my favorite characters on the show. How awesome was his banana bread loaf with a giant knife stuck in it? What did you make of the scene where Tig approaches Jax and asks Bobby to leave, only to have Jax tell him that anything he can say to him he can say to Bobby? Allusions were made to the Donna situation, and Bobby is one of the smartest members of the crew. I would have to assume that he has some notion of what the root cause of all the strife between Jax and Clay is. He even asked, "What was that dead wife stuff about?". Lastly, I did not anticipate Bobby sharing the fact that he had been hooking up with Luanne. I guess he did know a thing or two about banging porn stars after all.)

Tara seems to have made it clear that allegiance to Jax outweighs her Hippocratic Oath. After seeing Chibs reaction to the news that he is no longer in need or critical care and would soon be transferred to another hospital (one where he would, presumably, not be protected), Tara coaches him to fake extreme pain. He is placed back on the critical list and allowed to stay in Charming.

Speaking of Chibs, I was suprised we didn't see any of his wife this episode. I thought after last week's she would play a major role in how the end of the season unfolds. I'm sure she will make her presence felt in the finale.

I am curious to find out where Gemma is going with her seemingly new found spirituality. She has been spending an awful lot of time in the hospital chapel and after initially turning down Unser's invitation to a church service she makes her way inside and appears to be genuinely moved.

Leftovers:
Several times during the episode it was made apparent that SAMCRO is hurting for cash. Jax refuses to, or simply cannot, bail out the porn stars ("I'll just take out an advance on my trust fund"), Chibs has allowed his insurance to lapse, and Jax reiterates to Clay that the Caracara operation is the club's only source of income.

The church scene at the end of the episode baffled me. Why was Unser attending a black church? (I didn't realize that Charming had a significant African-American population. The only other black characters we have seen are the One Niners, that crooked cop who was shot a few episodes ago, and that nanny lady who we occasionally see helping Gemma at home) And who in god's name was that triflin' looking lady that Gemma thought she recognized outside the church? Was she a ghost? A vision of a young Gemma? Why does "everyone know (her)"? Freaky.

-I'm going Nomad!

Yankees win, Aziz Ansari rocks a great T-Pain costume, Michael Scott hangs himself, 30 Rock gets more political and less funny and The League premiers

2009-10-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

Last night was a veritable clusterfuck of television programming choices. I may have pulled a muscle in my thumb from flipping through channels. The World Series was on Fox, Carolina shocked VA Tech in Blacksburg on ESPN, NBC ran its standard Thursday night comedy line up, and FX aired Always Sunny along with the premier of its new show The League.

I was very excited to see The League. FX had been running promos for it for months and it looked like it had potential. I mean, how could it not be awesome? FX's track record speaks for itself and the world of fantasy football seems like it should be a comedy goldmine.

The first episode of The League was good, but not great. It certainly had its share of laugh out loud moments, but it also left some laughs on the table. One of the funniest things about fantasy football leagues are the team names (The name of my girlfriend's current squad is Flacco's Crack-ho. Hillarious.). We were shown the name of the league (The Quest for Shiva), but they missed an opportunity for some good fantasy football team name shtick. Also, I wouldn't have minded a few more scenes with The Oracle doling out draft advice. ("How about Larry Johnson?". "Yeah, that is a great pick... In 2005".) I thought Taco's song was pretty funny, and the mere fact that the character's name is Taco is a nice touch. While I enjoyed watching the way the men on the show interacted, the two wives felt a bit flat. (I laughed the first time I saw the scene about the charity event for dogs with down syndrome, "Its an epidemic.", but I had seen the same commercial so many times that when the scene played out in the episode I barely cracked a smile.) I liked the pubic hair joint bit; I once saw a kid take a bong hit of pubes, plus the fact that Paul Scheer's character decided to frame a half smoked joint was great in itself. While I wasn't as impressed with The League's series premier as I was with Modern Family's, I am definitely looking forward to seeing more episodes.

"What do you know about banging pornstars?"- Jax

2009-10-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

So, it appears that SAMCRO is being attacked on at least two fronts, possibly three, now. First it was just the Nazi’s, now porn-gangster Tom Arnold and maybe even the Mayans want in on the action. It is not clear how SAMCRO will be able to survive, particularly given the ever-widening schism between Jax and Clay. It seems like Sons of Anarchy is at a crossroads in terms of the direction and tone the show will take. Will SAMCRO continue to be live-action comic book characters who ride motorcycles, shoot (and sell) guns, wear cool costumes and always triumph in the end or will the writers give in to some of their darker impulses (like Jemma's gang-rape) and take the show in a more Sopranos/Wire-esque direction, one where your favorite characters die. Or go to jail. Only to reappear in a later season. I'm torn on which direction I would prefer. The show could work either way, I would just hope that if they chose the latter route they would find a few more actors that don't suck for some of smaller roles.

Jemma and Tara had a nice honeymoon period that lasted a few episodes, but it appears that their relationship is beginning to show signs of strain. Tara is still oblivious to the fact that it is impossible for her to be a SAMCRO “old lady” while at the same time maintaining her status as a respected physician and upstanding citizen. Jemma’s conversation with Tara’s boss and the subsequent reprimand she receives are proof of this reality. It is only a matter of time until she is forced to make a choice between the man she loves and the job she has worked her entire life for. Let's hope she chooses the dude.

Luckily for SAMCRO, the Aryan power couple, Zobelle and Henry Rollins, seems to be developing a rift. Rollins screwed up a gun delivery that ended up in a firefight. (How could no one have been at least grazed? Horrible aim on both sides.) This scene didn’t really sit right with me though. How could Zobelle, who up until this point has been razor sharp with the precision of his actions, plan a massive gun delivery so poorly? By the way, who was that third Nazi who sort of took Henry Rollins down a peg? That guy is the worst actor ever. Soupy Sales could have put more life into those lines. (Cue High-hat)

I was pretty surprised by Luanne’s murder.. When I first saw the car on the side of the road with the lisence plate that said "XXX Diva" or something I initially assumed it was the chick that Opie's into. (Jax gets a good zinger at Bobby's expense when Bobby tried to give Opie some advice about sex with porn stars) I didn’t think Tom Arnold had it in him. But I wonder why the writers decided that they needed another antagonist. We already have the Nazis, the Mayans, the Police and the Feds to worry about. But, I am learning to trust the writers so there must be a reason. Maybe Luanne’s death will push Jemma over the edge. She certainly seemed close to a complete breakdown when she smashed the serving dish onto the dinner table.
What is up with this Sonia character (Chibs’ wife). Who is she? And why is Jemma so scared of her? This season has really picked up the pace. I wonder how much they are planning to squeeze into the end of this season and how much they will carry over to season 3.

Oh yeah, and that creep who jacks off constantly is back. Only this time even weirder (Save both pointers, all of his fingers, have been removed by Chinese gangsters as a remedy for the constant jacking off) and more annoying. Great...

Top Three Movie Soundtracks (Rap)

2009-10-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

The other day I found my old copy of the Rush Hour soundtrack. I popped it in today on my way home from work and instantly remembered why I had kept it for so long. As far as soundtracks go, this one is loaded. It got me thinking about other movie soundtracks that are chock-full of bangers. Here are my top three rap/hip-hop movie soundtracks:
1. Belly
This is one of my all-time favorite gangsta movies (not to be confused with a "gangster" movie like The Godfather. (Quick sidebar: I have a strange appreciation for "black" movies and television. You know how Netflix will try to suggest movies that you might like based on the movies you have previously viewed? Well, they group these movies into genres like 'romantic comedies', 'buddy-cop movies', 'goofy cult classics'. One of the categories of movies that Netflix most often suggests for me is a sub-genre called 'Gritty African-American Crime Dramas'. What this says about me I do not know. Anyways...) For anyone that doesn't know, Belly is a movie by Hype Williams about two outlaws, played by Nas and DMX. The movie also features Method Man, T-Boz and that thick-ass chick from Bronx Tale. The soundtrack was released by Def Jam and features mainly east-coast rappers. Here are some of the highlights:
An awesome collabo featuring Nas, DMX, Method Man and Ja Rule called Grand Finale. Nas' verse in this song is particularly potent.
An uncharacteristically gritty, but catchy slow jam from D'Angelo called Devil's Pie.
A characteristically zany song by Wu-Tang with verses from RZA (who also provided the distinctive beat) and Ghostface, and a wild, screaming O.D.B. on the chorus called Windpipe.
Crew Love, a vintage Roc-a-fella jam with Jay-Z (don't you wish he still sounded like this?), Beanie Seigel and Memphis Bleak.
A song called "Tommy's Theme" with the LOX and some clowns called Made Men. Styles, Jada and Sheek (yes, in that particular order) kill it like always, but Made Men are awful and I always skip to the next song when their verse starts.
A Gangstarr classic in Militia, remixed. (DJ Premier is far and away superior to any faggy producer making beats today.)
There are a bunch of other decent tracks from the likes of Mya, NORE (when he was still called Noreaga), Raekwon, and Ja Rule.

2. Friday
Again, one of my favorite movies of all time. The soundtrack is a little more eclectic than Belly's. Mainly, though, it is west-coast gangster shit with a sprinkling of funk, and classic R&B. Many of these songs are so iconic and perfectly chosen that anytime I hear them on the radio or something an image of corresponding scene instantly appears in my mind:
Tryin' to See Another Day - Isley Brothers: Opening scene, camera pans over the faces of the Jones' as they sleep in their respective beds. My favorite part is the fact that Craig's sister sleeps with her head propped up on her elbow to keep here hair style intact.
Keep Their Heads Ringin'- Dr. Dre: Craig and Smokey pull up to the bodega in Smokey's hooptie(his license plate is FCK IT or something like that).
Mary Jane- Rick James: Just thinking about this song and this scene in the movie makes me smile. Best pot smoking montage ever.
Hoochie Mama - 2 Live Crew: Plays pretty much anytime Craig's girlfriend appears. (Also, plays in my mind about 34.7% of the time when I see my girl's car pull up.)
Some other of the other jams on the soundtrack are from Cypress Hill, Mack 10, Bootsie Collins, Tha Alkaholiks, and Scarface.

3. Rush Hour Soundtrack
Unlike the previous two soundtracks, for the most part the songs on the Rush Hour CD do not correspond with particular scenes in the movie. Or at least I don't think they do. Also, this CD is a little more mainstream and "poppy" than the others. Like the Belly soundtrack, this album was put together by Def Jam. Highlights include:
A bunch of audio snippets of Chris Tucker. (Weird coincidence that CT is stars in 2 of the three movies on the list.) You know, stuff like "Don't Ever Touch a Black Man's Radio" and "Cigaweed".
Dru Hill - How Deep is Your Love: This song reminds you that at one point in the not too distant past Dru Hill and Sisqo were actually making hits and were not always just the butt of jokes. This song is made even better by a Redman verse.
Ja Rule - Bitch Better Have My Money: File this under the "forgot they were ever good category" as well. Before Ashanti, Ja Rule actually had a few bangers. He was also pretty awesome as a member of The Murderers. Not the most creative group name ever.
Wu-Tang Clan - And You Don't Stop: Classic O.D.B, standard RZA beat, excellent chorus (which is surprising because Wu-Tang, particularly after 36 Chambers, did a large percentage of their songs sans-chorus).
Honorable Mentions for other good contributors: Slick Rick - Impress The Kid, Montell Jordan - If I Die Tonight, Terror Squad - Terror Squadians, Too $hort - Tell The Feds,and Jay-Z - Can I Get A.

Modern Family is really funny. You should watch it.

2009-10-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

Modern Family is the kind of special little show that makes sitting through all of the normal network TV dreck worth it. It isn't over the top, or in your face, or obscene; it is just charming, funny, and it makes you feel good when you watch. All of the characters, with the possible exception of Claire, are extremely likable. (It is sort of strange that I have found her to be pretty cold; the actress that plays her, Julie Bowen, was extremely sweet and sympathetic as Carol in, another understated, feel-good network comedy, Ed. Also, FYI, she is from Baltimore.)

I'm glad the writers have kind of moved away from the hip lingo shtick with Phil. If they had kept up the "keepin' it reals" with the same intensity as was present in the first couple episodes that well would certainly be dry by now. Thankfully, they have shifted the focus of Phil's jokes mainly to his semi-obvious, semi-creepy infatuation with Gloria, his step-mother-in-law.

Ed O'Neil is perfect in his role as old-fashioned, stuck in his ways, grouch who turns out, when pushed and prodded, to be pretty accepting. Despite his stubbornness, he is the glue that keeps the family together. After all, this show isn't about Phil's parents or siblings, or Cam's or Gloria's.

I like the choice the writers have made to let the viewer into the family details and back story incrementally and naturally. In each episode we get a new nugget that provides insight into who these characters are and how they ended up as a "family". This week's was that Cam, the big flamboyantly gay guy, was a standout division one offensive lineman in college and like Ed O'Neil's Jay, a big Fighting Illini fan. I hope in future episodes they give us a glimpse into how Jay and Gloria ended up getting together (sort of like the "Casablanca" bit last week with Cam and Mitchell). How does an balding, slightly overweight, at least semi-biggoted, old geezer end up marrying a fiery, young latina?

Lets just hope this show last long enough for us to find out. Unfortunately, it is promising, new shows like this that networks always seem to pull the plug on after a season; and yet somehow Big Bang Theory has been on for what seems like decades.

Sons of Anarchy goes Oz

2009-10-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

First of all, how cool did SAMCRO look in those orange prison uniforms?

Some thoughts on the episode:

I was kinda hoping that the black dudes would wait until Dante (I think that was their target's name) had his johnson in or around Juice's mouth before bursting in. But, I guess that would have been a little too much for basic cable.

I was really liking the tension built through the heroes' incarceration. I think that they resolved the situation with their bail a little too soon; I would have liked to see the crew sweat it out in jail for at least the entire episode.

I was really pleased that the writers brought back some elements and characters from past seasons with this episode, particularly the reappearance of Agent Stahl. I hope she is back for good. Maybe her guilt over her involvement in Donna's murder will encourage her to help SAMCRO's crusade against the Nazi's in some way. I think Agent Stahl might be a reader of this blog; she agrees with me that maybe SAMCRO should get out of the gun running business. Jax should heed that advice. I am sensing that she and Jax might eventually join forces against Clay.

Speaking of Jax and Clay, I half-expected the two to hug-it-out after their wild prison fracas. (By the way, Jax's face wasn't nearly mangled enough after that fight. He would have definetly needed some reconstructive surgery. Also, if he was smart, he would have gotten in that fight before going to prison, he is way too pretty for jail.)

What do you think about the significance of Jax bringing up the Cohen situation? It seemed like kind of a throw-away line initially, but Stahl's stunned reaction made it seem pretty important. Pretty stupid thing for Jax to say to her, right?

Check back tomorrow for thoughts on Modern Family and whatever else I feel like putting up.

Letters to the Ravens

2009-10-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Ray, Ed, T-Sizzle, Kelly Gregg, Jared Johnson and any other defensive player that his been with the team for awhile,
Do you guys remember what it used to be like for the Ravens? Back in the days of Boller and Billick. Back in the days when all you would ask is that the offense score at least 10 points. Now the offense puts up tons of points and the D can't get a stop when it matters. No more forcing timely turnovers, no more confidence that the D will come through when it really matters. What happened, guys? Did the departure of Bart, Rex and Jim Leonhard hurt the unit as much as it appears? Pull it together, use this bye week to do some soul searching and decide what kind of defensive unit you want to be, one that thrives on its past reputation or one that has an identity of its own.

Dear Chris Carr and Frank Walker,
You guys are way out of your league. You do not deserve to be out on the field on Sundays. Carr, on kick-offs and punts, you field the ball (if we are lucky) and run directly into the arms of the opposing tacklers. And god-forbid if you are inserted into the defensive secondary. Walker, you are just plain not good enough. You get burned repeatedly every game, you can't cover and your tackling leaves much to be desired. You should give half of your game check to Chris McAllister for being such a drunk and a loose cannon and burning every bridge here in Baltimore.

Dear Greg Mattison,
How did you get the job as the leader of one of the most innovative and feared defensive units in all of football with little to no NFL coaching experience? I know you are close Harbough family friend, but did you walk in on Jim and John practicing french kissing on each other as kids or something?

Dear Joe Flacco,
Thank you for the gutty performance yesterday. You went head to head with Brett Favre and didn't blink. Your expression, or lack thereof, on the sideline when Hauska missed the game winning kick said it all. You know you did all you could to win, your defense and kicker let you down.

Steve Hauska,
You better thank your lucky stars that Adam Vinatieri went down for 4 to 8 weeks. If he hadn't and Matt Stover was still sitting at home on his couch, you would be out of a job. Kill yourself.

Anita Marks in Playboy

2009-10-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

*Warning: Link is NSFW*
By no means is this breaking news and it might even be fairly common knowledge, but I just found out about it, so I figured I share. Apparently, sports talk radio personality (and complete moron) Anita Marks posed for nude for a 2002 spread in Playboy. I discovered this because on his weekly radio show, Terrell Suggs responded to a barb from Marks in regards to his handsome contract with the Ravens with a retort about the amount of money she received from Hugh Hefner. It immediately got turned uncomfortable and Marks was noticeably offended. So I looked it up and came across this. Enjoy (well, maybe that isn't the right word).

Michael Imperioli Tequila Commercial

2009-10-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

Anyone seen the new tequila commercial with Chrissy Moltisanti? I like the one where he kicks his feet up on the desk and knocks over the Patron bottle. I have one simple adjustment that would make that commercial infinitely more badass and Sopranos-y:
Michael Imperioli: "What happened to tequila? Nowadays its all velvet ropes and posturing. I dont know about you, but when I drink it I want to kick back and be myself"
He kicks his feet up on the desk and slouches back against chair, causing an object to fall from his waist band.
*Sound effect of gun hitting the floor*
Michael Imperioli: Oops.
He looks knowingly at the camera and leans behind the desk to pick up the object.
CUT.

Sons of Anarchy is Back!

2009-10-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

I know I did quite a bit of hating last week, but the show more than redeemed itself with this week’s episode. This episode reminded me why I really like Sons of Anarchy. Here are some thoughts:

We found out that the Irish member of SAMCRO is named Chips (or maybe it is Chibs, I’m not really sure.) I like it when they give the more peripheral characters some face time on camera, even if they are just being blown up with a car-bomb. I would like to see more of the Prospect, he has kind of fallen by the wayside in this season. He was always good for a little comic relief (his character reminded me a little of the bartender at the Bing that Tony was always smashing over the head with telephone receiver).

There are some interesting relationship dynamics that have been developing:

Jemma/Tara – This relationship is fast become the most entertaining on the show. I like this duo much more as allies than I did when they were adversaries. The “fire arm incident”, as Jax referred to it, was the best scene of the episode by far. Jemma’s and Tara’s faces were priceless as they lit up the porn star’s car. Has anyone else noticed that for a doctor, Tara seems to have an awful lot of free time to hang out at the club house?

Jax/Clay – These two have been on a collision course since last season. Clay’s expression as he was put into the paddy wagon said it all. Pure hatred.

Jax/Opie – These two friends have found themselves on opposite sides of the Jax/Clay fued. Jax’s double-entendre about “losing his best friend” was corny, but telling. How long until Jax is forced to come clean to Opie about the truth of his wife’s killing?

Jax/Bobby – As Clay’s consigliere of sorts, it has been somewhat surprising that he has taken Jax’s side in the voting as of late. These two could be a formidable duo if Clay was to be removed from the picture. By the way, how desperate and pathetic did Clay come off when he trashed the cigar shop? He used to be cold and calculating, but this season he has fallen into trap after trap set by the Nazis.

Jax/Hale - What kind of cop allows a biker-gang member to accompany him (gun drawn) on patrol with him?

Lastly, did anyone stick around for the preview of next week’s prison episode? How badass does that look? People getting shanked in the yard, Jax and Clay going head to head…count me in!

Cincy shocks Baltimore and takes sole possesion of first place in the AFC North

2009-10-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

I went to the Ravens game yesterday; sometimes when you are at the stadium you get swept up in the atmosphere and it is tough to really analyze the game. That said, here are some thoughts on the loss to Cincy:

Derrick Mason had zero catches. It didn’t even seem like Joe looked his way. This is mind boggling. Mason has been Flacco’s favorite target for the past two seasons but for some reason was completely absent from this weeks game plan.

Willis McGahee had only one carry. What happened to the “three headed monster”? I like Ray Rice, he always seems to pick up positive yardage and is a great dump down option for Flacco, but I would have like to see Willis involved more.

What the hell has happened to the Ravens defense? We all knew the secondary was questionable (and they proved this again by giving a touchdown through the air in the final minute), but since when does this D give up 120 yards on the ground to any running back, much less Cedric Benson? I mean, come on. The Ravens D could not get off the field and they allowed the Bengals to completely dictate the tempo of the game and dominate the time of possession. I am really starting to have serious doubts about Greg Mattison’s ability to come up with an effective defensive scheme that works in the NFL. Maybe we all took Rex Ryan for granted a little bit while he was here. I sure do miss the days of pre-snap “organized chaos”. Carson Palmer had all day to sit in the pocket yesterday. The secondary is suspect, but the front seven are not doing it any favors by allowing opposing quarterbacks to take as much time as they want to find an open receiver. Final thought on the defense: Didn’t that last touchdown drive for the Bengals remind you of the drive the Ravens gave up to Tennessee last season to lose that game?

I don’t want to blame the officiating for this loss, because that would take the onus the poor performance of the players and coaching staff. However, some of the calls that were made against the Ravens D were borderline at very best. This is now two weeks in a row that the outcome of the game has been at least partially decided by the officials.

I am very concerned about the challenge of going to Minnesota next week. If Palmer and Benson were able to make the Ravens defense look that pedestrian in Baltimore, imagine what Farve and Peterson could do in Minneapolis.

Thursday Night TV Extravaganza

2009-10-09T16:32:00.000-07:00

Wow. Thursday night was an epic night of television. Two and a half straight hours of hilarity, most of it on NBC. Here is a run down of the highlights:

8:00 PM – Community
Initially I liked this show. I was intrigued by the notion of Joel McHale starring in his own sitcom along side Chevy Chase (who, by the way seems, to be competing with Ed O’Neil for the “Damn He Got Old Award”), some blond chick named after a popular water filtering pitcher, that black guy from the “Bro-Rape” sketch, Pete Campbell’s wife, and an Indian guy with mild autism. In the first episode, Joel McHale was snappy and charismatic. Unfortunately, the show, and McHale’s character, has become much less interesting and the laughs father and farther apart since. Now the funniest and most likable character is Abed, the Indian Raymond Babbitt.

8:30 PM – Parks and Recreation
Most underrated comedy on TV right now. The cast is superb. I had given up on Amy Poehler when she joined the cast of SNL. The move from Upright Citizens Brigade to SNL was kind of like a football player from a successful small college with a great program who is drafted by the Oakland Raiders. Al Davis might overpay to get you, but you are going to be part of something supremely awful. Rashida Jones is great. (Best semi-racist quote from my girlfriend of the night, "She doesn't even look black at all") It is getting to the point where I have to stare at the floor when she is on screen so I will be allowed to sleep in my own bed that night. She is that hot. She also has a pretty kick-ass resume. Check out her IMDB sometime (Here are the highlights: Freaks and Geeks, Boston Public, Chappelle’s Show, The Office, I Love You Man). The unsung hero of the show (and pretty much everything he appears in) has to be Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford. He absolutely fucking slays me. His 5 minutes of screen time in Funny People was exponentially funnier than any scene with Adam Sandler since The Wedding Singer.

9:00 PM – The Office (Hour-long Jim/Pam Wedding Special)
I loved the first 55 minutes of this episode. It was absolutely pitch-perfect and had more laugh-out-loud moments than I can count. For whatever reason, this episode seemed to use slapstick type humor more often than we are used to from The Office (the vomiting scene at the beginning, Andy ripping his scrotum) but it really worked well. To me, Kevin stole the show. He was hilarious as usual. I could have done without the whole dancing down the isle bit. It seemed like the writers took the easy way out with the end of the episode. It came off as gimmicky and trite. I would have been happier if they had used those 5 minutes to show a few more scenes with Jim’s brothers or Michael and Pam’s mom. This episode raises some serious questions about how the show will work in the future. A married couple in the office creates a whole new dynamic, one that at first glace does not appear particularly funny. But I trust that the people at The Office will find a way to make it work.

10:00 PM - Always Sunny In Philadelphia
I am starting to get worried. I love this show, and have since the first episode, however this season seems to have more chuckle moments than knee-slappers. As much as I like the idea and will probably try it this weekend, the wine-in-a-can bit seemed to miss. But, like always, Charlie saves the day. It is tough for me to hate on an episode that went to credits with me in hysterics.

-Salt The Snail!

Wednesday: Glee Vs. Modern Family

2009-10-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

Wednesday nights are tough: Two legitimate television contenders, both starting at 9 PM. This predicament began when FOX aired the pilot for its new musical comedy Glee after an episode of last season’s American Idol. (Gayest sentence ever.) I checked the show out and discovered that it was pretty damn good despite the fact that I felt like kind of a 'mo for enjoying it. (I’ll be the first to admit it. I like gay-ass shows. Actually, it isn’t even that some of the shows I like are really gay per se; it’s just that their target demographic is the teenage female. From Dawson’s Creek to Laguna Beach; I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve sat through Noxzema commercials with Jennifer Love Hewitt all the way to Hayden Panetierre and every fresh faced teen spokes-model in between.)

I don’t know why every network doesn’t have a prime-time show that takes place in a high school. (How many more shitty crime dramas with acronym titles do we need? I don’t understand how these shows stay on the air. I don’t know anyone who has watched even a second of NCIS and it is painful to see what the CSI franchise has done to the legacies of David Caruso and Gary Sinese. Off the top of my head, here is a list of good recent cop/crime investigation shows: NYPD Blue, Homicide, The Wire, The Shield and that’s pretty much it. Also, I am sick hospital dramas (get it?); the first couple of seasons of E.R. were good and I guess a lot of people like Grey’s Anatomy but the rest suck.) High school shows are almost always entertaining. Here are some of the best: Freaks and Geeks, The O.C., My So Called Life, Strangers With Candy, Friday Night Lights, Saved By The Bell, Boston Public, Boy Meets World (the middle seasons)… I could go on all day.

Which brings us back to Glee. It might be a little too early to tell, but this show seems to have all of the makings of another quality high school show: A group of teens from different social strata who must learn to work together, a teacher tasked with keeping this group together who ends up learning as much from the kids and they learn from him, evil cheerleaders (and an evil cheerleading coach), weighty and topical subject matter (pregnancy, teacher/student sexual relationships, teen homosexuality), and of course plenty of attractive young actors/actresses (Lea Michele, the girl who plays Rachel, is one of those strange kinds of hot. Her nose and mouth are completely out of proportion with the rest of her face but it doesn't even matter.). It doesn't hurt that the writing on the show is down right clever. My favorite line so far: Kurt, the hillariously flaming drama geek, to the head football coach- "My name is Kurt Hummel and I am auditioning for the role of kicker!".

The biggest problem facing Glee right now is it time slot. It begins at the same time as this season's other promising new comedy, Modern Family.

I have begun to forgo the first half of Glee in favor of ABC's Modern Family, the latest effort to make the lives suburban families funny. The "modern" in the title, I assume, refers to the fact that only one of the 3 families in show (we find out late in the pilot episode that these three families are really part of one larger extended family) is a traditional nuclear family. The other two families are a gay couple who have recently adopted an Asian baby named Lily ("Won't that name be hard for her to say?" Cut to me slapping my knee.) and a family consisting of a spicy Latina divorcee, her strangely mature son Manny ("Ugh, kids, you don't have to tell me, my school is full of them"), and a surprisingly old looking Al Bundy. For my money, the two "non-traditional" families are the most interesting. Al Bundy's relationship with his step-son Manny has the potential for some comedy gold. Ditto for the chemistry and dynamic between the two gay dudes. Modern Family is the kind of TV show that I love and (unlike Glee) has the potential for real staying power. This show is character and dialog driven and is not based on sight gags or gimmicks. The pilot episode was absolutely brilliant, but unfortunately the following two were less so. Even so, the show is good enough to make me miss half of another good show each week.

"You think this is hard. I'm living with Hepatitis, that's hard." -Glee
"The only way his dad is like superman is that he landed in this country illegally."-Modern Family

Thoughts on Sons of Anarchy

2009-10-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or is this season of Sons of Anarchy just not as good as the first two? I'm not willing to go as far as to say that it has jumped the shark, but it seems to be slowly approaching the shark with its knees bent in the anticipation of flight. The acting on the show was never superb, but it seems like this year the actors, Katey Sagal excluded, are pretty much mailing it in. Actually, the guy who plays Chief Hale has turned in a few good scenes, but the guy that plays his newly corruptible fellow officer has been awful. He screams lines that would be better served with a bit more subtlety, plus if the video evidence isn't proof enough of his involvement with the white supremacist movement, his hair style certainly is. His hair style is like a cross between Don Draper and Adolph Hitler.

This season is particularly disappointing because it should be badass. On paper, this year's villains are a million times more villainous than the past seasons. So why are they so much less interesting than Ally Walker's cuntastic Agent Stahl or the girlfriend stalking ATF agent played by Dutchboy? (Remember when he squeezed the life out of that cat on the Sheild? Riveting.) I mean, come on, I love Henry Rollins, but could he be any more lifeless as the neo-Nazi side-kick/gang-rapist aficionado? (By the way, do they have to show the scene with the baby doll in the van, followed by the shot of the pack of Nazi's tearing off Jemma's jeans in every episode's "Previously On"?)

While I am on the subject of complaints about Sons of Anarchy, don't you think that the show would have been better served if SAMCRO, instead of being gun-runners, was in the drug business (meth cookers/pot growers/coke importers)? It seems pretty unlikely that urban street gangs obtain their firepower from a bunch of bikers who are supplied by the IRA. This is America, right? Can't you pretty much buy a gun anywhere? I guess I could be way off base with this. Admittedly, I know very little about the underground weapons trade.

Final bitch about the show: As much as I like Jax the character and Charlie Hunnam the actor (he played Lloyd, the British collegiate playboy in the extremely underrated FOX comedy Undeclared (This show features a a young Seth Rogan and folk music legend Loudon Wainwright III in a hilarious father-figure role)), there is something about his costume that drives me crazy. Don't get me wrong, he pulls it off amazingly well (and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend wants to sit on his face), but I have never seen anyone wear white shell toes, a wallet chain, baggy blue jeans with a knife holstered to the pant leg and a sleeveless leather biker jacket. I realize the full-on biker look doesn't look right on anyone who came of age after the Tet Offensive, but I don't think combining it with the mid-nineties suburban skater look works well either. While we are on the subject of costumes, I have to give the show props for having the cast sport those badass SAMCRO t-shirts this season and you gotta love the little blue SAMCRO beanie Jax's baby wears. Speaking of Jax's baby, what the hell every happened to his mother, a tweeker Adriana La Cerva (I don't remember what her character's name on SOA was)? She is a pretty damn good actress, it seems like a shame that she wasn't on the show longer.

I will wrap this monstrosity up by giving Sons of Anarchy some props. First to Katey Sagal. She is absolutely great on the show. One of the only things that keeps me tuning in each week is the trust that she will get some sweet revenge on those Nazi-fucks one of these episodes (I think it moved when Jemma went tearing through that parking lot with the piece in her hand). Also, SOA has one of the most kick-ass theme-song/opening credits ever.

That's all for now, check back tomorrow for my thoughts on either Modern Family or Glee (I haven't decided which one I will watch, they are both off to a strong start) and maybe even some thoughts on the first night of MLB playoffs (maybe not...).

-The Crow Flies Straaaaiightt!

A brief note about last Sunday’s Ravens/Pats game

2009-10-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

This blog will not be mainly about the Baltimore Raven (I hope) but please bear with me. I have been hearing clowns on the sports talk stations whining all day about the officiating on Sunday. Please do not blame the loss of the game on the referees.

I am not saying that support these calls (the most controversial of the two calls being the phantom roughing the passer orchestrated by an awkwardly falling, off balance, in the general direction of the Golden Boy’s knee Terrell Suggs or the “That call was bullshit,” heard audibly over the speakers on my sweet Samsung 32in. unsportsmanlike handed out to coach Harbough), however these call did not cost the Ravens the football game.

(I was particularly intrigued by the call against John Harbough. I wonder if this incident is one of the first examples of a paradigm shift in the philosophy of today’s NFL referees towards a more “basketball-like” approach to dealing with coaches on the sideline. Penalties being awarded to coaches on the sideline, while rare in the NFL, are common place in the NBA and the NCAA. And believe it or not, this might be a good thing.

I love it when coaches get T’ed up in basketball. I am pretty good about seeing them coming too. Say I have been watching a basketball coach, say Bob Huggins (slays me when Bill Raftery or someone calls him Huggie Bear, by the way), ride a referee up and down the court all game long. His breath probably smells like Paul Mason and he is sweating through his suit. After a particularly poor call late in the third quarter, the referee is doing that gay backwards fast-walk thing they do down the sideline in the direction of the coach. The coach leans into the path of the ref at exactly the right moment, spews something particularly venomous or obscene (This moment is a million times more awesome if a random network mic is close enough to pick up the exchange and broadcast it into your home so you get to hear exactly what was said. It’s always something like, “You are so fucking bad.” Or “You’re a fucking faggot (“pussy” can also do the trick.) The same concept of awesomeness applies to college basketball games when you can hear the entire crowd chanting something like “Fuck You J.J.” or “You Have Herpes” coming through your TV during the heart of the conference season). Now I’m watching this unfold over on the sideline while the play is developing on the court. I see that the last comment has really affected the referee. He glares at the coach as he passes him, cocks back his arms and drops an explosive T-bomb, the tips of his fingers on his right hand nearly pierce the skin of his left palm. The coach is stunned and reacts one of two ways: He either realizes he has gone too far and contritely has a seat or he goes Robert Knight. Either way, the moment is great (especially if it happens to Mike Kryzlksjggsdfski).

Now, in the NFL, this shift towards and more basketball-like approach, in which the referees (and through which, the league) have a legitimate way of disciplining a coach in-game, would like require some rules tweaks. A fifteen yard penalty is obviously too harsh a price to pay for cursing at a referee. I propose a five yard penalty and a limit of two of such penalties per game. If you receive two technical fouls the coach is ejected. This would prove especially amusing if the head coach also has offensive or defensive play caller. You would get overwhelmed, running back coaches dialing up plays from deep within the recesses of playbook because this is the play that he came up with in practice that one time. It would be rule.)

Mark Clayton cost the Ravens this victory. I love this new look Ravens offense, but when I saw Derrick Mason get up slowly after making that ridiculous touchdown grab and had a mini-panic attack I realized once and for all how limited this receiving core really is. I have watched too many boring, run the ball on first and second down every series, Ravens teams not be excited about this pass-happy offense but they really need another receiving option who isn’t going to let a ball bounce of his chest on fourth down with the game in the balance.