I haven't written about Modern Family in awhile because I have already made my feelings about the show pretty clear (I love it) and it is kind of tough to write an entire column every week about a half-hour sitcom. But last night's episode, "Hawaii", was too good not to talk about, if for no other reason than to rehash some of the awesome zingers.
This episode was the second in a three-part season finale dealing with the family going on vacation to Hawaii for Jay's birthday. Generally, I hate these "The Gang Goes on Vacation, Check Out These Fish Out of Water"-type episodes, but the Modern Family writers have proven that they are smart enough to avoid making these episodes feel hackneyed.
"Hawaii" followed the typical "3 main stories, with a couple of peripheral stories" format that works so well on this show. The first story involves Phil and Claire (a.k.a the prettiest white woman on Maui), who get a chance to have the honeymoon they never got when they got married because Claire was pregnant with Hailey ("My bad!!!"). Phil, of course, is more into the whole thing than Claire is. She claims that she is "a mom traveling with three children, this is not a vacation, this is a business trip". Undeterred, as always, Phil attempts to carry her across the threshold (a.k.a. the hotel lobby) but can only lift her about halfway. "God, you're solid," Phil gasps. Great line.
For me, the best part of this episode were the scenes with Manny and Luke, who are forced to share a hotel room. I absolutely love these two characters together. ABC should consider lending them out to the Disney Channel for a Suite Life With Zach and Cody-esque spin off where Manny and Luke are sent away to boarding school together. You know you would watch that. Luke breaks in the hotel room by jumping on the beds, Manny inspects the closets ("Score, there's an iron in here!" An iron that Luke ends up making prison-style grilled cheese sandwiches with). While Manny unpacks his linen jacket and fedora, Luke throws a shower cap over his face and arms himself with a hotel hairdryer, transforming into a "Bathroom Martian from the Nebula of the Great Toilet". Classic. Later, Luke complains to his family that, "Manny is the worst roommate ever, everything he finds, he folds. Last night we had a fire drill. Not the hotel, just us."
Jay is dealing with a reminder from his brother than their father died when he was Jay's age, 63, by abandoning his plans of relaxation and indulgence in favor a commitment to get back in shape. This leads to a couple of decent sight gags involving Jay pulling his back out and getting stuck in a hammock with Phil.
Meanwhile, Cam and Mitchell take relaxation a bit too far, losing Lily, not once but twice. The first time in the hotel and the second time at a banana plantation. This was probably the weakest of the stories, but it did lead to the best line of the night. Panicked, Mitchell questions Cam's wardrobe choice for Lily, "Why did you dress her in jungle print?! She's going to think she is back in Vietnam!" I nearly spit out my Natty Boh. I love it when they make jokes about Lily's Asain roots, like when Jay calls her his "little potsticker" early on in the season.
Taking advantage of the lack of parental supervision, Hailey gets drunk and ends up sick in the hotel bathroom. Claire warns her, "One minute you're having wine coolers and the next minute the game Truth or Claire sweeps your high school." Damn, that sounds like a kick-ass game.
Eventually Phil realizes why he and Claire can't have a true honeymoon; they haven't had a real wedding. In true MF fashion, the episode ends with the whole family coming together for and "awwww" moment. Phil surprises Claire with a ceremony at which they renew their vows while a Hawaiian guy plays a sweet ukulele version of "Eye of The Tiger".
As hilarious as this episode was, the best part of it was getting to see all of the female characters in bathing suits. Here are my grades:
Claire: B-
She appears to have had a boob job awhile ago and they are starting to kind of separate. Not great.
Gloria: B
Pretty nice, but she is working with some seriously large thighs, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I think I detected a bit of cellulite.
Hailey: A
Although we don't get to see her in a full bathing suit, we get a scene with her in a bikini top. My thoughts on Hailey are already on record so I won't beat dead horse. I probably would have given an A+ but her bathing suit scene happened right after she threw up and was flopped on the bathroom floor. Well, actually now that I think about it, that makes it even hotter: A fucking +.
Alex: A+
Who doesn't enjoy a pre-teen in a bikini? Kidding, kidding, calm down people.
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