The Sheild REWATCH, Episodes 2-8 with a focus on Episode 8

I know I said that I would be writing about each episode of the final season as I watched them, but as I made my way through the first half of the season I began to remember why, when it was originally aired, I became frustrated with the show and ultimately stopped watching. The constant merry-go-round of convoluted plot twists, combined with the occasionally great, often times cheesy Vic Mackey one-liners can be a lot to handle.

To be honest, I was getting a little bored, and frankly stopped caring about which mob boss, or federal agent, or Strike Team member was trying to blackmail who. That was until I reached episode eight.

Shane, upon discovering Vic and Ronnie's failed attempt to have him murdered along with the Armenians, decides to strike back. He enlists the help of a gangbanger named Two Man (Well, really he blackmails him into helping. At this point they should have renamed the show That Show Where Everyone Blackmails Eachother for 43 Minutes) to kill Ronnie, while Shane will take care of Vic himself. The plan blows up in his face and both Vic and Ronnie survive. Two Man caves and gives up Shane, who flees The Barn during Two Man's confession. Before taking off for Mexico or some other safe place, Shane has Mara pay a visit to Vic's wife Corrine. She tells Corrine all of the Strike Team's dirty secrets, including Terry's murder and the money train heist. She tells (blackmails) Corrine that unless she and Vic help them avoid apprehension she will make all of Vic's dirty laundry pubic. Corrine agrees, but tells Vic that after this ordeal is over she and the kids are leaving for good and he will never see them again.

Now that's what I call an episode! With only a few episodes left, the pace and the stakes have certainly picked up. Although I'm pretty sure I know how the whole deal ends, I look forward to finding out how it all unfolds. I'll do one final, comprehensive post about the season and the show as a whole after I watch the series finale.

The Sheild Final Season REWATCH, Episode 1

The first episode of the final season of The Shield starts off along the same line as the sixth season ended, with a member of the Strike Team entering a fellow member's home and terrorizing his wife and children. This time its Vic and Ronnie waiting for Shane to come home and find his wife bound and gagged. They jump Shane and he spills some of the beans about Armenian predicament he has gotten them all in. The whole plot with the Strike Team, Paz Pensuela (I think that's the guys name, but I'm not exatly sure. I'll get this figured out by episode two), David Aceveda, and the two major Armenian players is simply too complicated for me to articulate clearly in this forum, but if you haven't seen the previous 6 seasons of this show and you don't understand a thing you have just read, please stop reading and get the DVDs (then, of course, start reading again).

To summarize where we are at now please draw your attention to the longest sentence you will ever read on this blog. (I am going to try my best to properly punctuate this but...unlikely):

Vic is trying to save his job, which he is in danger of losing (due to forced retirement) because of a long history of accusations and suspicions leveled against him, ranging from extortion to armed robbery, money laundering, black mail, kidnapping, and murder, by using leverage (another word for something a person uses to blackmail another person) against city officials, including Aceveda (Vic finally sees the infamous picture of Aceveda with a Mexican banger's dick in his mouth from a couple of seasons back. This is one of the great things about watching episodes of a show you used to really like after a few years of separation, you get reminded of great bits from the shows past; like Aceveda sucking a guy's cock. Good stuff), and Mexican real estate developers with ties to both drug cartels and the Mexican government, while at the same time attempting to keep his family both safe from, and in the dark about, the threat that the Armenian mob, who now finds itself in the unenviable position of being in the midst of both an internal civil war and a power struggle within the Strike Team between Vic and Shane, poses to their lives as they know them.

The episode ends with Vic using Pensuela to pressure one of the people who decides whether he is able to remain on the force to step down from his position on the panel, giving him an extra 30 days on the force. The end also gives us a idea of what we will see in the coming episode or two. Vic and Shane have, seemingly (we kinda know already that solving this problem with the Armenians won't be that simple), played the Mexicans against the Armenians and now just have to, in Vic's words, "sit back and watch the gang war". By the way, how awesome does it sound to be able to "watch a gang war". If I was flipping through the channels and landed on a show that promised me the ability to watch a gang war I would take he batteries out of the remote and settle in for the duration because that show would not coming off the t.v., ever.

Final Thoughts:

This episode gives Ronnie's first full blown murder. He kills an Armenian hitman, who went after Vic's family, to keep some heat off Vic. He seems a little shaken by the indecent.

Also, we saw a lot of Vic's older daughter, Cassidy, in this episode. She could not be weirder. She gives me the creeps every time she is on screen. His youngest two kids are the ones with autism right? Cassidy is supposed to be "normal" I thought? What the hell is wrong with her, is the character supposed to be all weird like that or is it just the actress that plays her? And lastly, Cassidy is a terrible name. If your name is Cassidy, and your first name is not Butch, you suck.

The Sheild REWATCH Intro

I am off work for the Holidays for a few days, my girlfriend is out of town and pretty much all of the good shows are on hiatus until next year. Perfect timing for me to catch up on some shows that I missed out on when they originally aired. My XBox recently broke and I was unable to watch my Netflix Instant Watch movies and shows, but my girl came through for me and got me a new one for Christmas. When I got onto Netflix, I was pumped to find the last two seasons of The Shield were available for instant viewing.

Before I get to writing about any specific episodes, I would first like take a moment to discuss the show in general. I loved The Sheild when FX introduced it. To me, prior to The Wire premiering, The Shield was the ultimate cop drama. Better than Law and Order, better than NYPD Blue, and certainly better than any of the bullshit CSI spin-offs the networks have been peddling for the past decade. (By the way, I know there has been some confusion over what this past decade will be known as in the future. Will it be called the aughts? The zeros? I suggest calling it The Decade of Shitty Network Crime Dramas with Acronyms In Their Titles. Catchy right?) But for some reason, I stopped watching somewhere in the middle of the sixth season. I can't remember the exact reason, but I suspect it had something to do with The Wire being aired around the same time. My thought process was probably, "If I can watch a cop drama that a. Airs on HBO and allows cursing and nudity, b. Takes place in my fucking backyard, and c. Is arguably the very best show ever to grace a television screen, why would I waste my time with The Shield?"

Looking back, I was wrong to think this way. It is unfair to hold The Shield, or any show for that matter, to the standards set by The Wire. The next spate of postings will be dedicated to analyzing season seven, the final season, of The Shield and will serve to keep my mind nimble as I wait for the new season of shows to start as well as to pay tribute to a great show that, as the show drew to a close, did not garner enough credit from this viewer. I am sorry, The Shield, I hope these posts make up for me abandoning you on your death bed.

Humpday Reviewed

So, you know, its the end of the year and everything and the internet is teeming with these "Best of..." lists (even more so this year than most due to the fact that it also the end of a decade). I kind of like these lists, mainly because I often have my impeccable taste in music/movies/shows/restaurants/whatever validated. After reading a few you start to see the same movie (or whatever the list is comprised of) pop up on several different site's lists. This year, one of those movies is Humpday, something I hadn't seen yet. Interest piqued by the title, I decided to check out what the movie was about. It's website claimed: "Late into the night at a wild party, two guys find themselves locked in a mutual dare: to enter an amateur porn contest together." Sounds promising, right?

The first thing I noticed when Humpday started was that it stars Mark Duplass, who I had just been introduced to on FX's The League. The League has been discussed a few times on this blog, but not since the last four or five episodes aired. I'll get back to Humpday in a second. Like almost all of FX''s programming, I thought The League was an original, well conceived show with a great premise. However, unfortunately the execution of that central idea/theme left a bit to be desired. The show's funniest characters (Ruxton, Dr. Dre, Taco, The Oracle) weren't used to the best of their potential and towards the last few episodes the story arc really came off the tracks. It felt like a big inside joke that the audience was only halfway in on. (What was the fucking deal with Shiva? Why was she so influential during the league members' formative years? Why did they name the trophy after her?) All that said, I would still definitely watch if they decide to make a second season.

Humpday is being billed as a comedy. Don't be fooled, friends, for that is an complete and utter miscategorization. This movie, while providing a few chuckles along the way, builds a level of edge-of-your-seat tension and what-the-fuck-is-about-to-happen suspense that puts Hitchcock to shame.

Basically, the movie is about two old college friends, who's lives had lead them along separate path's, reuniting...and then deciding to bone each other. Duplass plays Ben, an affable yuppie who has recently decided to try to have a baby with his loving wife Anna. One night the couple is awoken by the sound of his old buddy Andrew pounding on their front door. Ben hasn't seen Andrew in years and Anna has only met him once (at their wedding) and doesn't appear to recognize him (presumably because of the thick beard he is now sporting). Surprised, but happy to see him, Ben invites Andrew inside. Anna is a little freaked out, but she is a good sport and welcomes him with open arms, even offering to make her famous pork chops for the three of them. Ben asks him what he has been up to and where he has been and is informed that Andrew has been working on art projects with impoverished children in South America. He also tells them about a trip to Morocco during which he met a princess who bought him a hat, which he wears throughout the movie.

The next day, while Ben is at work, Andrew meets a group of fellow 'artists' who invite him to a party at their house/art studio, which they have named "Dionysus" or something to that effect. Andrew gladly accepts the invitation and extends one of his own to Ben to join the party when he gets off work. Reluctantly, Ben shows up at Dionysus, with the intention of only staying an hour. After a few drinks and a joint he starts to really have fun getting to know these hippie-art-freaks and catching up with Andrew. As everyone continues to party, the conversation eventually turns to an "art contest" hosted by a local movie theater called Humpfest for which contestants submit an amateur porn movie.

Someone (I think it was Ben, but I'm not sure), suggests an idea for a porno that would be sure to win first place in Humpfest: Ben and Andrew, two completely straight dudes, totally just nailing each other. Jackpot. Everyone agrees that it is a brilliant idea. They schedule the shoot for that Sunday.

The remainder of the movie is like a perverse version of the chicken scene from Rebel Without a Cause, except with cocks instead of cars. Neither man wants to back down or let the other off the hook. It is back and forth with the "will they or won't they go through with it" until the tension boils over into a you-gotta-see-it-to-believe-it final hotel room scene that will absolutely make your skin crawl, gay or straight.

While I'm not sure this movie would make it on any of my lists for best movie of the year, it certainly sits atop my list of movies during which I uttered the phrase "what...the.........FUCK" the most times. In a year full of bromances, Humpday is the strangest.

SOA Season 2 Finale! (Sorry it took so long to get up)

Let's take a second to catch our collective breath and take inventory of where we are and who we have left.

Jax and Clay are on land. The Irishman Cameron (Da') and baby Abel are at sea. And Jemma and Unser are in the wind.

The bodycount, in my estimation is as follows:
The Nazi inmate who gouged out Otto's good eye.
Henry Rollins.
A slew of Mayans.
Edmund Hayes (the young Irishman).
Polly Zobelle.
Half-Sack (Dagger. Literally.)
Did I miss anyone?

So how did we get here?

The season finale starts with Weston and Zobelle sitting in jail with SAMCRO waiting for them outside and Unser keeping tabs inside. Unser catches wind of Zobelle's imminent release and approaches Agent Stahl for answers. He tells her about Jemma's rape and explains that he needs a reason to give Clay as to why Zobelle is being released. A strange look appears on Stahl's face (the patented "I'm thinking but it also looks like I might have just sharted" look Stahl has popularized) and she proceeds to tell Unser that Zobelle is an FBI informant. At first, I suspected that Stahl was making this story up in an attempt to somehow set SAMCRO up down the line, but soon after we find out that Zobelle is indeed an informant. Weston is also released from jail once the cops find out that the witness that placed him at the scene of the arson is himself a convicted felon. Unfortunately for Weston, unlike Zobelle, he does not have the benefit of a Mayan escort out of the jail.

Sons of Anarchy has, at its core, always been a show about two things; loss and the relationship between fathers and sons. Last night's episode displayed those themes in spades.

In order to keep himself safe from the Sons, Weston (wrongly) thought it would be prudent to bring his young son with him to the tattoo parlor while he got some new ink. Jax and company ambush the pair in the bathroom. They spare the boy, but not before Weston leaves him with a last piece of fatherly advice, "never talk to the cops". Weston doesn't beg for mercy or try to delay the inevitable. He only asks that the boy never see his father's bullet riddled corpse in the bathroom stall. Jax seems content to oblige.

Upon arrival back at the club house, Jax is met by Clay and the crew who express their pride in Jax. Clay embraces him and tells him that he is a good son. Drinks are raised and a toast is made to "sons". It is implied that this toast goes for both capital S "Sons (of Anarachy)" and lowercase s "sons (Jax)".

While out shopping for supplies with Tara, Half-Sack and baby Abel, Jemma spots Polly Zobelle who is buying flowers for Eddie. (She has disobeyed her father and left the protection of the cigar shop to see her lover one last time before flying home to Budapest. Speaking of Budapest, I guess this explains the strange accent/inflection Zobelle has slipped in and out of all season.) What follows, will reverberate in Sons-of-Anarchy-land for the show's foreseeable future.

Tara sees Jemma sizing up Polly and asks her who she is. Jemma tells her that she is the one that lured her into the van and hit her over the head, leading to her rape. Jemma and Tara, with the baby in the backseat and Sack following on his bike behind pull out behind Polly as she departs the flower shop. Tara asks where they are going and Jemma responds, "We are going forward, Sweetheart." This where things get really complicated. (Please forgive the lengthy plot summary, but the next sequence of events is pretty complicated, so I figured it would be best if I told what happens first and then tried to analyze it as a whole after.)

Jemma and company follow Polly in the direction of the ATF safe house where Edmund and Stahl are waiting for the arrival of Cameron. Cameron has instructed Eddie to kill agent Stahl in order to prove his allegiance to Jimmy O. Eddie attempts to accomplish this first by trying to shoot her, only to find out his gun is loaded with blanks, then by punching her in the groin. After this fails, he tries to make a break for freedom, only to be gunned down by Stahl. Panicked, Stahl lies to her AFT partners over the radio, saying that the shots they heard were all the blanks from Edmund's gun.

A few minutes later, Polly arrives on the scene with Jemma right on her tail. Tara, sensing what Jemma has in mind, tries in vain to talk her out of it. Jemma responds with some bogus reason about having to do this because Jax and Clay are out there risking their lives for her. For good measure, she throws in a bit about God having put Polly in her path so she can "fix the part of (her) they ripped open".

Polly walks into the safehouse and sees Eddie laying on the floor in a pool of blood (Stahl is sort of hiding behind a wall in the room with Eddie's body when she walks in). Polly pulls a piece out of her purse (damn, I'm like the king of alliteration) and slowly walks toward Eddie's body. As she approaches the room with Eddie's body in it, we see a great shot of Stahl behind a wall, next to the door Polly is approaching and Jemma entering the front door right behind Polly. All three women are in the same frame and each has their weapon drawn. Stahl can't see Polly or Jemma, Polly can't see Stahl or Jemma and Jemma can't see Eddie or Stahl. But we can see them all. Jemma tells Polly to drop her gun, when she refuses and makes a move towards Jemma, Jemma shoots her. Jemma, mentally and emotionally exhausted, plops down on the coach instead of immediately leaving the scene. Big mistake. Stahl pops out from behind the wall and points her gun at Jemma. Jemma sees Eddie's body laying behind Stahl and calmly says to her, "Bloody day for both of us, huh?" Stahl asks Jemma about Polly's involvement in the rape and says she is sorry that it happened to her. Now at this point, I am thinking that it might be a possibility that Stahl would just let Jemma go out of pity over the rape and somehow make the scene look like Polly and Eddie killed each, maybe like a Phil Hartman/Steve McNair-esque murder/suicide took place. But of course Stahl had to act like the world class cunt she is and made Jemma touch the gun that she shot Eddie with, leaving her prints on it and making it seem like Jemma shot both Eddie and Polly. Then she lets Jemma walk out. When Jemma is gone, Stahl radios for back-up and says that Jemma killed Polly and Eddie. Cameron, who is enroute, overhears this on his police radio scanner and becomes overcome with rage...

Phewww, that was exhausting. Is everyone still with me? Were you able to follow all that? Well, who cares, if you're reading this, you probably saw the episode anyway.

I have several bones to pick with this series of events. First, why did Stahl have to lie to her partners about shooting Eddie? He attacked her, why wouldn't she have told them the truth? Why would she risk her career and her freedom by lying and trying to cover up the shooting when it seems like she was totally justified in her actions? Second, it seems like it is totally out of character for Jemma to decide to take revenge on Polly like that. She spent almost the entire season trying to keep the rape under wraps because she knew that the violence that would occur if it were to come out would bring her world crashing down. Also, she has wittingly made Tara an accomplice to murder by telling her what she planned on doing. Granted, these are small gripes about what could be easily considered the most exciting, suspenseful and gratifying 15 minutes in show history.

Zobelle, stilled holed up in the cigar store with Alvarez and the Mayans, gives up on waiting for Polly and decides to head out of town without her. (This is how we know Zobelle is truly evil, he abandons his own daughter. Even Weston, the Nazi rapist refused to flee without his kids. In keeping with the theme of the show, I wonder if Polly was a 'son' and not a daughter, would Zobelle have been so quick to leave her?)

On a winding road outside of Charming, the Sons ambush Zobelle and the Mayans. They spare Alvarez (incomprehensibly) and chase Zobelle into a nearby bodega. The store is filled with school children, so instead of running in guns blazing, the Sons decide to lay siege and wait for the kids to leave.

Meanwhile, at Jax's house Half-Sack tells Tara that Jemma is gone and the Feds raided the house that they saw her go into. While Tara is on the phone trying to explain the situation to Jax, Cameron bursts in, gun drawn. Jax hears her shriek before the line goes dead and is forced to leave Clay and the rest of the crew and head home to find out what it going on. (Opie goes with him. It is nice to see Jax and Opie together again and the writers really pounded this point home by having them repeatedly refer to each other as "Brother".)

Grieving, bloodthirsty, and bent on revenge ("A son for a son."), Cameron stabs Half-Sack, ties up Tara and absconds with baby Abel. This scene is tough to watch. Cameron, sobbing, holds a knife to the baby, looking like he might actually go through with it until Half-Sack jumps up, only to have the knife buried in his chest. This is a real shame, who is going to provide the show with its much needed comic relief now that the uni-balled Prospect is no longer with us? (I came across an interview with Kurt Sutter, creator of the show, and he claims that the actor who played Half-Sack wanted off the show. This may or may not be true, but if it is, what is that moron thinking? Does he think that 7th Heaven, or American Dreams or The OC is going to come back for another run?(He had small, but recurring roles in these notable shows. None of which were half as good as Sack))

Upon Jax's arrival Tara fills him in with what happened to Abel. The color drains from his face and is replaced with sheer panic. He immediately calls Clay and manages to utter the simple, yet effective, "I need you." Clay, understanding that family is more important than revenge rounds up the troops and heads back to Charming to find Abel. This is a telling and meaningful act, considering the state of the relationship between the two throughout the season as well as the personal importance killing Zobelle holds for Clay.

This monster episode ends with Zobelle boarding a charter jet (When the woman checking him into the flight asks whether his daughter will be accompanying him, he calmly says no and that he will just have to "adjust and adapt" without her. And this is after he knows that she has been killed! Cold-blooded.), Hale comforting a sobbing Tara, Unser driving his police car out of Charming with a fugitive Jemma in the passenger seat, and Jax and rest of the Sons watching Cameron speed away from the dock in a boat with Abel, all while a vastly-inferior-to-the-original cover of 'Gimme Shelter' wails in the background (This episode seemed to use background music to drive home the mood of a scene a lot more than the show had in the past. Sometimes it worked, other times...not so much).

This leads us to the obvious question: What will season 3 have in store for us?

We know for sure it will involve:
Getting Abel back.
Somehow bringing Jemma back to Charming.
Dealing with the fallout with Irish.
Stahl fucking everything up for the club.

Kurt Sutter claims it could involve:
The club going to Ireland. (Intriguing.)
Unser stepping down as Chief of Police.
Tom Arnold's Georgie could be back.
The federal charges against the club from when they raided the Aryan Church have not disappeared.
Opie will continue to struggle in his relationships with the people responsible for Donna's death (Clay/Tig).

Well, until next season......The Crow Flies Straiiighhhhttttt.

Your Boy Gets Some Validation

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am like an Oracle in terms of being ahead of the curve on television shows. Exhibit A, a link to an article in Slate, a well-respected online magazine, which gives props to NBC's Parks and Recreation. I doubt the author reads That Unfresh Feeling, but some of the language and opinions in the article are nearly identical to postings I did about the show weeks ago. Snaps for me.

Check back soon for a comprehensive look at the Sons of Anarchy season finale.

- Huge. Quickly. Bye.

Quick Thoughts on SOA

I'll keep this week's thoughts on SOA short and sweet. It felt like the writers chose an unfortunate time for a throw-away episode. Compared to last week's thriller, this week's episode felt like a snooze. That said here are some observations:

- Early in the episode Clay makes a promise to his flock that "no one else will be hurt under (his) watch". He can't possibly keep this promise and making it will surely come back to bite him.

- Tara has really begun to embrace her status as Jax's old lady. First she gets waited on in the club house, then she goes crazy on that bitch from the hospital. While it was extremely gratifying to see her beat the shit out of that annoying woman, it was completely out of character for her. It would have been better for her to use her brain to get back at her than her fists.
-I'm pumped to see Half-Sack finally get patched in.

- Did anyone else notice the very unparental kiss that Zobelle laid on his daughter? Either she is not really his daughter or Zobelle is even sicker than anyone thought.

- I liked the fact that Lem from The Sheild made an appearance as a member of the Tacoma chapter of SAMCRO. He was one of my favorite characters, lets just hope no one chucks a grenade into his car this time.

- The Rainbow Coalition of SAMCRO, the Niners and the Chinese was pretty silly. Well, actually, that whole rumble scene was pretty silly. Anyone catch Tig's Mike Tyson/Walter Sobchak ear bite? How could Weston neglect to send someone to scope out the scene of their brawl before hand to make sure they wouldn't be out-gunned?

-It is interesting who Unser has transformed into one of the most sympathetic characters on the show. He used to be sleezy, crooked cop. Now he is a sleezy, crooked cop who is essential to SAMCRO's success against the Nazis.

- It seemed as if Zobelle picked up some sort of accent at the end of the episode. He has always had a particular manner of speech, but never an accent. Weird.

That's it for now. Expect much more next week after the 90 minute finale.

Netflix Watch Instantly Column #1

This is the first installment of an ongoing column dedicated to reviewing and recommending the "Watch Instantly" movies on Netflix. Anyone with a Netflix subscription is familiar with the type of movies found in this category. They are typically older classics (Die Hard, Terminator, The Big Lebowski), low budget independent films, bizarre horror movies, foreign films, and genuine crap. I have Monday's off from work, so I usually spend most of the day sitting around waiting for other people to get home. To kill time I like to choose a movie from this Netflix Watch Instantly list. I will rate these movies using a scale that is based on two factors: how bored you would have to be to decide to watch the movie and how high you would have to be to actually enjoy the movie. Without further adieu, here is the first inaugural Neflix Watch Instantly Review.

Fetching Cody

I selected this particular film because it stars Jay Baruchel, an alumnus of Undeclared, one of my favorite TV shows. (Apparently Jay is a pretty recognizable star in Canada. Unfortunately, the only American movie I can remember him being in was Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, where he just had a bit part.)

Fetching Cody is essentially a love story about two drug addicted street kids on Vancouver's East Side. This setting plays a prominent role in the cinematography of the film. There are a lot of shots of abandoned buildings and gritty streetscapes. I had no idea that Canadian ghettos existed, but apparently they do. The film is a fairy-tale of sorts, so there is very little gratuitous sex, violence or drug use, despite repeated reference to all three.

The film opens with a shot of Art (Baruchel) and his girlfriend Cody riding his bike around the slums making small talk with the local homeless people, trannies and drug pushers. Soon the couple part ways as Cody hops into a passing truck, presumably to turn a trick. Later that evening, Art climbs through the window of Cody's one-room apartment and finds her in a coma with a syringe and a bent spoon laying next to her. This is where things begin to get bizarre.

Cody is taken to the hospital, where Art is informed that she is suffering from kidney failure. It is made clear that this failure is a result of years of abuse and not simply an overdose (a fairly important distinction later in the movie). Dazed and with nowhere to go, Art stumbles into a bar where he meets Harvey, an older homeless man. Harvey tells Art that he has a warm and dry place for him to stay the night in an abandoned warehouse or factory of some sort. Inside the place Art finds an old recliner, wrapped in Christmas lights. He soon discovers that this chair is a time machine and he is determined to use it to go back in time to keep Cody safe and healthy.

This film immediately brings to mind The Butterfly Effect. The similarities are countless. Much like Ashton Kutcher's character in Butterfly, Art discovers dark secrets about his lover and realizes that is impossible to change the past without completely altering the present. The writer/director of Fetching Cody claims that he started writing the story years before Butterfly was released, but who really cares? So what that the movies are similar?

While The Butterfly Effect attempts to explain and rationalize the time travel, Fetching Cody, to its credit, doesn't bother. The movie is a fairy tale (and its knows it) and as such does not insult the viewers intelligence by attempting to make the supernatural elements of the story realistic.

Without giving too much of the ending away, the point of the movie is to demonstrate the fact that sometimes in order to save the people you love, sometimes you have let them go (If you love something, set it free). I really enjoyed the movie on both an emotional and aesthetic level. While Baruchel is way too clean and well put together to be believable as a drug addled homeless person, he is extremely convincing as a guy who just wants his girl back. And after sitting at home alone all day long waiting for my girl to get home, I could relate.

Boredom Rating: Familiarity with star, plus plot based on drug use and time travel, equals a movie I would watch even if I wasn't bored.
Intoxication Rating: Half a joint. Not necessary, but certainly helpful.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

Thursday night's Always Sunny revisited an aspect of the shows mythology that I was worried they had abandoned. Everyone knows that the shows is about a group of horrible losers who destroy everything around them except each other. In past seasons however, despite being so awful, Dennis was a capable, if not remarkable, coxman. Unfortunately, prior to this episode, the writers had neglected this aspect of his character.

This episode, titled "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System", has a simple premise: Dennis schools the gang on his patented system for getting women to fall in love with him. (He uses an acrostic (the second acrostic featured in Thursday's T.V. line up, the first one was used in 30 Rock) on a flip-chart for effect.) The system is...well, I'm just going to come out and say it...the system is fucking genius.

D- Display Value: For Dennis this means filling a forged prescription for a fake grandmother. For Charlie it means breaking into the Waitresses house with a bag of hair and dismantling her garbage disposal. (It was nice to see the Waitress again, I hope they bring her back to the forefront a little bit. She always brings out the most pathetic (and funniest) side of Charlie.)

Engage Physically: This step involves not only Dennis and his lady friend (a.k.a victim, played by Dennis' real life wife) but also a confederate (namely Mac). Dennis takes his date to a restaurant he knows to be closed. After feigning surprise he suggests they order a pizza and eat at his apartment. Upon arriving at home with said pizza, the couple find Mac sitting on the couch (he would have been in the his room but he saw a black widow spider in there). Seeking privacy, Dennis invites the young lady into his room where he seduces her over a slice of fresh 'za.

Nurture Dependence: Dennis offers a few options to achieve this step: Slashing her tires so she can't drive and must depend on him for a ride, calling her home late at night from a payphone and threatening her in a scary voice so that she runs into his protective arms, etc.

Neglect Emotionally: Self-explanatory.

Inspire Hope: Cue Top Gun Sex Scene.

Separate Entirely: Also, pretty self-explanatory

As the episode goes on we discover that in addition to the D.E.N.N.I.S. system, members of the gang are also employing the M.A.C. system (Move In After Completion), which pretty much consists of Mac sweeping in after Dennis "Separates Entirely" and offering the ladies a shoulder to cry on. Then he bangs them. Further down the food chain is Frank. His plan involves flashing Magnum Condoms and a wad of hundreds at Dennis' and Mac's scraps in the hopes on enticing them with his massive dong.

The episode features a sub-plot involving Dee and her Army boyfriend (from the wrestling episode), who is actually wearing the pair of jorts Frank gave him. Dennis is convinced that army guy is trying to "D.E.N.N.I.S." her. To prove her independence, Dee decided to treat her new boyfriend like shit. He eventually gets fed up and leaves her, but not before calling her a "mean person" (understatement of the season). More importantly, we get more evidence that Kaitlin Olson is one of the more gifted physical comediennes on TV right now. Last season we got a scene of her careening out the door of a shoe store and directly into a parked car, this episode we got a shot of her falling head over high-heels down a steep hill.

Eventually Frank destroys the entire system by attempting to bypass the M.A.C. system and go straight to the scraps by announcing to Dennis's victim that Dennis (and by extension, possibly her) has HIV. The final scene is classic Sunny chaos in which everyone is screaming over one another, Charlie pays a carnie to stab the waitress and a poor elderly woman (Gladys, the piano player from the Nightman Cometh episode) is abandoned at the fair.

-Welcooommme tooo helllllll......

All wrapped up in a bow...

I am kind of glad I neglected to post anything about last week's SOA episode. Last night had way more to talk about than the 90 minute extended episode from last week.

The episode was chock-full of powerful moments and big surprises. Tara and Jax get a knock on their door at night, scared, Jax pulls out his gun to answer the door. When he discovers that it is Clay at the door he invites him inside and promptly hands Tara his weapon. We see Tara hesitate for a split second before taking the pistol and there is a shot of her silhouette framed by the doorway with the gun in her hand. At that moment Tara has chosen Jax and the life that comes with him over the life that she had planned for herself.

During Clay's visit to Jax's house they discuss their next step in dealing with the aftermath of Jemma's bombshell from last week. Jax bluntly states that he wants "kill them all" and Clay's reaction to this is unclear. There is a clear role-reversal in terms of "strategic vision" going on. Initially Jax resisted Clay's heavy-handedness towards the Nazis, but after hearing that his mother had been raped he is ready to go to war. Clay, who for the entire season has been shortsighted and quick on the draw when dealing with his enemies, decides not to immediately spring into action (or violent rage) and to finally come up with a plan to exploit Zobelle's weaknesses, which is what Jax had been lobbying for the entire time.

Wow. What was up with Jemma this week? First we have a scene in which she tells Tara that her relationship with Clay is doomed because "men need to own their pussy" then she goes out and almost bangs Tig. What gives? I don't remember any reference from the past episodes to any simmering feelings between Jemma and Tig, yet that scene made it seem as if they had been pining for each other all along. I guess she just wanted to feel desired, and as for Tig, well, he has just about lost his mind, so who knows what he was thinking.

There had been plenty of scenes in the past few weeks foreshadowing Tig's eventual breakdown/confession, but that didn't make the scene where he finally came clean to Opie any less shocking. More shocking than the confession itself was the fact that Opie restrained himself and didn't kill Tig with his bare hands.

I don't quite understand why Opie was so quick to place so much blame on Agent Stahl. She is a manipulative bitch, but at the end of the day she is just doing her job by bringing down criminals. She certainly put the wheels of Donna's murder in motion but she didn't pull the trigger. Clay, on the other hand, a. didn't trust Opie, b. betrayed him and, c. killed his wife. The dialog in the scene where Opie tracks down Stahl, pulls his gun out as if to kill her and says "The outlaw showed mercy." was downright cheesy but who cares, it still gave me chills.

Last night we also saw another scene of Jemma seeking out religion. This time in the form of a heroin addict priest. Soon after this, we see Jax spreading the gospel of his father to Opie in the form of his manifesto. Are these scenes connected? Is there some sort of biblical allegory playing out here? I am not familiar enough with the source material to tell, but it certainly seems like they are going somewhere with this religious stuff.

The unsettling thing about this episode is that it all seems too convenient. Jemma has gotten her secret off her chest. So has Tig. Jax and Clay are back together (seemingly). Jax and Opie are best friends again. SAMCRO finally has some leverage against Zobelle. Chibs comes clean about his involvement with Stahl with no adverse consequences from the club. Clay shows Jemma that he still loves her even though she's been raped. And on. And on. This season has been too complex and too dark to simply wrap up in a bow. I hope the writers don't try to.

The Curse of Matt Stover

With the release of Steve Hauschka and subsequent signing journeyman kicker Billy Cundiff, the Ravens have fully acknowledged that they made a mistake in the handling of the place-kicker position this off-season.

Ozzie Newsome, widely regarded as one of the leagues top GM’s, has made some extraordinary personnel moves over his career in Baltimore, however, he has made his fair share of blunders, this current kicker situation being the most recent.

In the past he has missed on high draft picks the likes of Travis Taylor, Kyle Boller (Brian Billick shares most of the blame for this disaster), Dan Cody (who I was excited about, but could never stay healthy), and Mark Clayton (The jury is still out on him, but considering he has never risen past the level of number two receiver on a weak receiving corps, I think it is pretty safe to say he has not met expectations).

Like most GM’s he has struggled to make a big impact on the field with his free-agent signings. Dominique Foxworth, Chris Carr and L.J. Smith have been complete non-factors. On the other hand, Kelly Washington has been a pleasant surprise.

With the Colts coming to town this weekend Ravens fans will have the pleasure of seeing Matt Stover at least one last time. Unfortunately he will be on the opposite sideline. The rationale behind cutting Stover before the season was that the Ravens would have to use an extra roster spot to carry two kickers because they felt that Stover would not be able to kick-off or hit long field goals. I refuse to believe that keeping Edgar Jones, Oneil Cousins or Frank Walker on the team was worth losing Stover.

Matt Stover is legend in Baltimore and he deserves a roster spot on this team until his leg falls off, I don’t care who you have to cut to make this happen. I hope if the Ravens lose this Sunday it is on a last second field goal by Money Matt Stover.

Thursday Night Spectacular

The normal Thursday night line up was enhanced a tad this week by this season's first Thursday night football game. So, not only was a I watching Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, 30 Rock, Always Sunny and The League, I was also trying to keep track of the Bears vs. the Niners.

First, the football game - The Niners got their first win in over a month against coach Mike Singletary's former team. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw his fifth and final interception of the game on the final play to seal the 10-6 loss. It is starting to look like the Bears got the short end of the stick in the trade with Denver over the off season. Cutler has thrown a league leading 17 interceptions this season and the Bears have a long road ahead of them if they plan on making the playoffs. The Niners, despite losing 4 straight prior to last night, could still have a chance at the post-season due to the terrible division they play in.

Community - I'm out on this show. Don't care about it, don't think it is particularly funny. I only half-watched but from what I could gather, this episode was about McHale's character and the chick who plays Trudy Campbell joining a debate league. I wouldn't expect to see anything more written about Community on this blog.

Parks and Rec - Pretty hilarious episode. The Parks Department (well, mainly Leslie) is determined to create a contest winning mural that captures the spirit of Pawnee. Tom pays an art student $20 to create his mural for him. It turns out that the student is a budding abstract impressionist and the mural that he paints for Tom is just a bunch of shapes and colors. Anne draws an infantile picture of a park and glues pictures of animals cut from a magazine to it (Great zinger from Tom: "It looks like something a death row inmate would make during art therapy"). Jerry makes a beautiful photo-mosaic of a Pawnee landmark but makes the mistake of referring to it as a murinal (mural combined with urinal) and like always everyone shits on him. My favorite was Donna’s (I think that is the big black lady's name). She recreated of The Last Supper but instead of depicting Jesus and his disciples, her version featured famous Indianans (Larry Bird, Michael Jackson, Greg Kinnear (as Jesus)). The group can't agree on whose mural should represent the department in the contest, so they decide to combine the designs. The result is, predictably, a disaster, but the process brings the department closer together. There is a funny sub-plot about Andy becoming a shoeshine who becomes freaked out by an inappropriate sound Ron (fast becoming one of the funniest characters) utters during a shoe shining session.

The Office - Dunder-Mifflin might be going out of business! In order to keep his staff's minds off the impending doom, Michael orchestrates a rousing game of "Belles, Bourbon, and Bullets", a murder mystery game set in antebellum Savannah. Hilarious southern accents ensue (Andy’s displayed a knack for regional dialects).

30 Rock - I have begun to use the 30 Rock timeslot to enjoy my pre-Always Sunny jay. From what I saw, this episode was about the TGS cast welcoming a new member. I vaugely remember chuckling at a few Tracy Morgan jokes.

Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Sunny got back to its roots with this episode. It didn't waste any energy with elaborate story lines (breaking into the World Series, giving Frank an intervention, going on a road trip) and or settings (courtrooms, baseball stadium dungeons). This episode was all about the chemistry between the characters. One of the best things about the show has always been the little nuances and idiosyncrasies that the characters display from season to season. Here are some examples from this episode: Mac and Dennis pointing out Sweet D's resemblance to a bird, Mac's obsession with the male physique (I refuse to believe that a guy who is so obsessed with choreographed fight scenes and muscle bound men has never scene The Transporter), Charlie's love for felines (by the way, how funny is it that Charlie wears a McGregor sweatshirt. Is he a gym coach?), and Frank's love for trash. The plot for this episode is simple, yet effective (plus it included a sweet message about the importance of friendship (Mac/Dennis = Dynamic Duo, Frank/Charlie = Gruesome Twosome)). After D tells Dennis and Mac that they act like an old married couple they decide to take a break from each other. Mac goes to Charlie and Frank's house, Dennis goes to Sweet D's. D gets a cat stuck in her wall and enlists Charlie to assist in its extraction. Charlie puts more cats in her wall. D goes into the wall after them and gets stuck. Mac and Dennis reunite. The End.

Things I learned from the episode:

The importance of "packing on mass".

Apple skin and seeds are highly toxic.

Cigarette smoke suffocates the bacteria found in apple seeds and skins.

All calico cats are female.

The League - Thankfully, after the third episode, The League seems to be finding its voice. I think the writers may have read the posting where I complained about the wife characters; one is completely gone and the other has been pretty much relegated to the background (although Ruxton’s wife assumed a more central role in this episode). Speaking of my suggestions, the writers also clued us in to one of the teams names; Dr. Andre’s team is called Double Entendre (which absolutely sucks). This episode focused on a Sunday lunch party put on by the afore-mentioned wife of Ruxton (I have no clue what her name is. Something Spanish I think). He invites the rest of the league over because, obviously, if he can’t watch the games, no one can. We find out the Dr. Andre is member of another league ( The Fantasy Football League of Extraordinary Gentleman. Which absolutely sucks.); one in which he dominates and is revered as fantasy football guru. The episode ends with a toddler smearing dog feces (the dog’s name is Kale, which absolutely sucks) on an infant’s face.

Stay tuned for a review on the new Call of Duty game for the Xbox.

The Men Who Stare at Goats Review

Yesterday I forewent my normal slate of Thursday evening television in favor of an advanced screening of The Men Who Stare at Goats. Big mistake. Let's just say if they made a movie about me in the theater it would be titled The Man Who Stares at His Watch.The movie wasn't awful, it certainly had a few bright spots that made me chuckle, but I couldn't help feeling disappointed. The cast was superb; George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Ewan McGregor all have the capacity to turn in great comedic performances, they just didn't (or couldn't).

The plot of The Men Who Stare at Goats (I use word 'plot' loosely in this instance) revolves around a reporter, Bob (McGregor), who travels to Iraq right after the US invasion in 2003 in search of a story (and to impress his wife, who has just left him for his editor). While waiting in Kuwait to enter Iraq, Bob meets Lyn (Clooney) at the hotel bar. McGregor soon discovers that Lyn was a member of a secret military unit of "psychic spies and jedi masters". Fascinated, Bob decides to write a story about this unit and tags along with Lyn into Iraq. The second act of the movie involves a series of flashbacks where we are filled in on the Lyn's backstory and the history of his psychic military unit called the New Earth Army. Bridges plays Bill, the founder of the New Earth Army and Larry (Spacey) is a jealous recruit who eventually brings down the unit. The movie really runs off the tracks in the third act. Clooney and McGregor, lost in the desert, stumble across a secret psychic compound run by Larry in conjunction with a burnt out Bill. Psychic experiments, which bear an uncanny resemblance to torture, are being performed upon Iraqi prisoners as well as goats. McGregor, Clooney and Bridges decide it is up to them to free both the men and the animals. They achieve this by distracting Larry and his comrades with a large dosage of LSD spiked into the compound's drinking water. If this sounds bizarre and somewhat difficult to follow/comprehend, its because it is.

The Men Who Stare at Goats felt like a Coen brothers movie, only without the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle, e.i. Walter Sobchak) nuances that make their movies so good. Lyn reminded me a little of the character Cloondog played in Burn After Reading and Bridges' Bill was the Dude if he had followed Walter into the Army during 'Nam. Both actors are Coen brothers veterans, so you would think that they would be able to recognize a disjointed, wanna-be Coen brothers script when the saw one.

The saddest thing about this movie is that midway through I remembered that I had seen George Clooney in the deserts of Iraq before and even with far inferior costars (Ice Cube, Marky Mark and Jamie Kennedy), I would have much rather watched Three Kings again than sit through the remainder of 'Goats.

CHEATERS WAS A FRAUD?!?!

According to Inside Edition, the television show Cheaters was scripted and the men and women who cheated and were cheated on were nothing more than paid "actors". Here is an excerpt from the Inside Edition report:

But the best-known episode of Cheaters, the episode that put the show on the TV map, is the episode where host Joey Greco gets stabbed by an irate man caught cheating.

"So none of it was true?

"No," says Cassandra Terrazas, a Dallas hotel receptionist who says she was paid $350 for a few days work playing a woman who is caught having an affair with the man.

She was told the confrontation would take place on a lake located near Dallas. "It was all set up," she says. "They just rented a boat for us and we were supposed to be out like we were fishing and I was supposed to be sunbathing, and then they were going to come up on another boat and catch us."

The young man was immediately restrained, and Greco, blood gushing from his wound, was rushed back to shore where paramedics fought to save his life. A police car sped away, and the viewer is led to believe the knife-wielding cheater has been arrested and taken to the Rowlett Police Station.

But according to the police in Rowlett, Texas, that never happened. "There were no arrests at all during that time period for that type of crime," says John Ellison of the Rowlett Police Department.

According to Cassandra Terrazas the ambulance was rented, the blood was fake, and everything was scripted right down to the person who fell off the boat.


Do you know how bitter this makes me? I mean, I always suspected that the stabbing incedent may have been staged, but to hear that the entire show was a sham really breaks my heart. What I want to know is if they paid regular people to act as if they were cheating and being cheated on did these people also agree to bang each other on the hidden cameras they had set up? You would think that they would have to pay the "actors" more than $350 to bang a stranger on TV, right?

I used to think Joey Greco was the all time greatest douche-bag on TV, now I think...well actually I still think that.

Sons of Anarchy - Fa Guan

I won't try to delve too deeply into this week's episode, I will save the major analysis for next week after the 90 minute season finale airs and we get a little more clarity and closure (or maybe not). That said, here are some of the most recent developments in the main story lines.

In earlier episodes this season it seemed that most of SAMCRO's rank and file would side with Clay in the inevitable splintering of the club. Now, I'm not so sure. Jax and Opie had a moment at the judge's house that seemed to suggest that their friendship is not completely lost. (Quick sidebar about the judge kidnapping: This whole plot line struck me as ridiculous. The Chinese recruited SAMCRO to pressure this judge into allowing a gun-smuggler into the country because if the Chinese did it themselves it would cause the judge to look into smuggler's possible connections to Asian organized crime as well as Hamas. Why the hell would it matter who does the pressuring? This whole thing made no sense to me. Also, how could Clay be so quick to jump in bed with a group affiliated with a member of Hamas? If he thought the ATF was up his ass, wait until the Department of Homeland Security lands in Charming. Working with the IRA is one thing, but an Islamic terrorist organization? Really, Clay? Hamas?) Also, Clay's right hand, Tig, appears to be rather disgruntled about his diminished responsibilities. I am now starting to think that Bobby would side with Jax. He seems to recognize the need for a shift in the club's philosophy as well as its income source. (By the way, Bobby has become one of my favorite characters on the show. How awesome was his banana bread loaf with a giant knife stuck in it? What did you make of the scene where Tig approaches Jax and asks Bobby to leave, only to have Jax tell him that anything he can say to him he can say to Bobby? Allusions were made to the Donna situation, and Bobby is one of the smartest members of the crew. I would have to assume that he has some notion of what the root cause of all the strife between Jax and Clay is. He even asked, "What was that dead wife stuff about?". Lastly, I did not anticipate Bobby sharing the fact that he had been hooking up with Luanne. I guess he did know a thing or two about banging porn stars after all.)

Tara seems to have made it clear that allegiance to Jax outweighs her Hippocratic Oath. After seeing Chibs reaction to the news that he is no longer in need or critical care and would soon be transferred to another hospital (one where he would, presumably, not be protected), Tara coaches him to fake extreme pain. He is placed back on the critical list and allowed to stay in Charming.

Speaking of Chibs, I was suprised we didn't see any of his wife this episode. I thought after last week's she would play a major role in how the end of the season unfolds. I'm sure she will make her presence felt in the finale.

I am curious to find out where Gemma is going with her seemingly new found spirituality. She has been spending an awful lot of time in the hospital chapel and after initially turning down Unser's invitation to a church service she makes her way inside and appears to be genuinely moved.

Leftovers:
Several times during the episode it was made apparent that SAMCRO is hurting for cash. Jax refuses to, or simply cannot, bail out the porn stars ("I'll just take out an advance on my trust fund"), Chibs has allowed his insurance to lapse, and Jax reiterates to Clay that the Caracara operation is the club's only source of income.

The church scene at the end of the episode baffled me. Why was Unser attending a black church? (I didn't realize that Charming had a significant African-American population. The only other black characters we have seen are the One Niners, that crooked cop who was shot a few episodes ago, and that nanny lady who we occasionally see helping Gemma at home) And who in god's name was that triflin' looking lady that Gemma thought she recognized outside the church? Was she a ghost? A vision of a young Gemma? Why does "everyone know (her)"? Freaky.

-I'm going Nomad!

Yankees win, Aziz Ansari rocks a great T-Pain costume, Michael Scott hangs himself, 30 Rock gets more political and less funny and The League premiers

Last night was a veritable clusterfuck of television programming choices. I may have pulled a muscle in my thumb from flipping through channels. The World Series was on Fox, Carolina shocked VA Tech in Blacksburg on ESPN, NBC ran its standard Thursday night comedy line up, and FX aired Always Sunny along with the premier of its new show The League.

I was very excited to see The League. FX had been running promos for it for months and it looked like it had potential. I mean, how could it not be awesome? FX's track record speaks for itself and the world of fantasy football seems like it should be a comedy goldmine.

The first episode of The League was good, but not great. It certainly had its share of laugh out loud moments, but it also left some laughs on the table. One of the funniest things about fantasy football leagues are the team names (The name of my girlfriend's current squad is Flacco's Crack-ho. Hillarious.). We were shown the name of the league (The Quest for Shiva), but they missed an opportunity for some good fantasy football team name shtick. Also, I wouldn't have minded a few more scenes with The Oracle doling out draft advice. ("How about Larry Johnson?". "Yeah, that is a great pick... In 2005".) I thought Taco's song was pretty funny, and the mere fact that the character's name is Taco is a nice touch. While I enjoyed watching the way the men on the show interacted, the two wives felt a bit flat. (I laughed the first time I saw the scene about the charity event for dogs with down syndrome, "Its an epidemic.", but I had seen the same commercial so many times that when the scene played out in the episode I barely cracked a smile.) I liked the pubic hair joint bit; I once saw a kid take a bong hit of pubes, plus the fact that Paul Scheer's character decided to frame a half smoked joint was great in itself. While I wasn't as impressed with The League's series premier as I was with Modern Family's, I am definitely looking forward to seeing more episodes.

"What do you know about banging pornstars?"- Jax

So, it appears that SAMCRO is being attacked on at least two fronts, possibly three, now. First it was just the Nazi’s, now porn-gangster Tom Arnold and maybe even the Mayans want in on the action. It is not clear how SAMCRO will be able to survive, particularly given the ever-widening schism between Jax and Clay. It seems like Sons of Anarchy is at a crossroads in terms of the direction and tone the show will take. Will SAMCRO continue to be live-action comic book characters who ride motorcycles, shoot (and sell) guns, wear cool costumes and always triumph in the end or will the writers give in to some of their darker impulses (like Jemma's gang-rape) and take the show in a more Sopranos/Wire-esque direction, one where your favorite characters die. Or go to jail. Only to reappear in a later season. I'm torn on which direction I would prefer. The show could work either way, I would just hope that if they chose the latter route they would find a few more actors that don't suck for some of smaller roles.

Jemma and Tara had a nice honeymoon period that lasted a few episodes, but it appears that their relationship is beginning to show signs of strain. Tara is still oblivious to the fact that it is impossible for her to be a SAMCRO “old lady” while at the same time maintaining her status as a respected physician and upstanding citizen. Jemma’s conversation with Tara’s boss and the subsequent reprimand she receives are proof of this reality. It is only a matter of time until she is forced to make a choice between the man she loves and the job she has worked her entire life for. Let's hope she chooses the dude.

Luckily for SAMCRO, the Aryan power couple, Zobelle and Henry Rollins, seems to be developing a rift. Rollins screwed up a gun delivery that ended up in a firefight. (How could no one have been at least grazed? Horrible aim on both sides.) This scene didn’t really sit right with me though. How could Zobelle, who up until this point has been razor sharp with the precision of his actions, plan a massive gun delivery so poorly? By the way, who was that third Nazi who sort of took Henry Rollins down a peg? That guy is the worst actor ever. Soupy Sales could have put more life into those lines. (Cue High-hat)

I was pretty surprised by Luanne’s murder.. When I first saw the car on the side of the road with the lisence plate that said "XXX Diva" or something I initially assumed it was the chick that Opie's into. (Jax gets a good zinger at Bobby's expense when Bobby tried to give Opie some advice about sex with porn stars) I didn’t think Tom Arnold had it in him. But I wonder why the writers decided that they needed another antagonist. We already have the Nazis, the Mayans, the Police and the Feds to worry about. But, I am learning to trust the writers so there must be a reason. Maybe Luanne’s death will push Jemma over the edge. She certainly seemed close to a complete breakdown when she smashed the serving dish onto the dinner table.
What is up with this Sonia character (Chibs’ wife). Who is she? And why is Jemma so scared of her? This season has really picked up the pace. I wonder how much they are planning to squeeze into the end of this season and how much they will carry over to season 3.

Oh yeah, and that creep who jacks off constantly is back. Only this time even weirder (Save both pointers, all of his fingers, have been removed by Chinese gangsters as a remedy for the constant jacking off) and more annoying. Great...

Top Three Movie Soundtracks (Rap)

The other day I found my old copy of the Rush Hour soundtrack. I popped it in today on my way home from work and instantly remembered why I had kept it for so long. As far as soundtracks go, this one is loaded. It got me thinking about other movie soundtracks that are chock-full of bangers. Here are my top three rap/hip-hop movie soundtracks:
1. Belly
This is one of my all-time favorite gangsta movies (not to be confused with a "gangster" movie like The Godfather. (Quick sidebar: I have a strange appreciation for "black" movies and television. You know how Netflix will try to suggest movies that you might like based on the movies you have previously viewed? Well, they group these movies into genres like 'romantic comedies', 'buddy-cop movies', 'goofy cult classics'. One of the categories of movies that Netflix most often suggests for me is a sub-genre called 'Gritty African-American Crime Dramas'. What this says about me I do not know. Anyways...) For anyone that doesn't know, Belly is a movie by Hype Williams about two outlaws, played by Nas and DMX. The movie also features Method Man, T-Boz and that thick-ass chick from Bronx Tale. The soundtrack was released by Def Jam and features mainly east-coast rappers. Here are some of the highlights:
An awesome collabo featuring Nas, DMX, Method Man and Ja Rule called Grand Finale. Nas' verse in this song is particularly potent.
An uncharacteristically gritty, but catchy slow jam from D'Angelo called Devil's Pie.
A characteristically zany song by Wu-Tang with verses from RZA (who also provided the distinctive beat) and Ghostface, and a wild, screaming O.D.B. on the chorus called Windpipe.
Crew Love, a vintage Roc-a-fella jam with Jay-Z (don't you wish he still sounded like this?), Beanie Seigel and Memphis Bleak.
A song called "Tommy's Theme" with the LOX and some clowns called Made Men. Styles, Jada and Sheek (yes, in that particular order) kill it like always, but Made Men are awful and I always skip to the next song when their verse starts.
A Gangstarr classic in Militia, remixed. (DJ Premier is far and away superior to any faggy producer making beats today.)
There are a bunch of other decent tracks from the likes of Mya, NORE (when he was still called Noreaga), Raekwon, and Ja Rule.

2. Friday
Again, one of my favorite movies of all time. The soundtrack is a little more eclectic than Belly's. Mainly, though, it is west-coast gangster shit with a sprinkling of funk, and classic R&B. Many of these songs are so iconic and perfectly chosen that anytime I hear them on the radio or something an image of corresponding scene instantly appears in my mind:
Tryin' to See Another Day - Isley Brothers: Opening scene, camera pans over the faces of the Jones' as they sleep in their respective beds. My favorite part is the fact that Craig's sister sleeps with her head propped up on her elbow to keep here hair style intact.
Keep Their Heads Ringin'- Dr. Dre: Craig and Smokey pull up to the bodega in Smokey's hooptie(his license plate is FCK IT or something like that).
Mary Jane- Rick James: Just thinking about this song and this scene in the movie makes me smile. Best pot smoking montage ever.
Hoochie Mama - 2 Live Crew: Plays pretty much anytime Craig's girlfriend appears. (Also, plays in my mind about 34.7% of the time when I see my girl's car pull up.)
Some other of the other jams on the soundtrack are from Cypress Hill, Mack 10, Bootsie Collins, Tha Alkaholiks, and Scarface.

3. Rush Hour Soundtrack
Unlike the previous two soundtracks, for the most part the songs on the Rush Hour CD do not correspond with particular scenes in the movie. Or at least I don't think they do. Also, this CD is a little more mainstream and "poppy" than the others. Like the Belly soundtrack, this album was put together by Def Jam. Highlights include:
A bunch of audio snippets of Chris Tucker. (Weird coincidence that CT is stars in 2 of the three movies on the list.) You know, stuff like "Don't Ever Touch a Black Man's Radio" and "Cigaweed".
Dru Hill - How Deep is Your Love: This song reminds you that at one point in the not too distant past Dru Hill and Sisqo were actually making hits and were not always just the butt of jokes. This song is made even better by a Redman verse.
Ja Rule - Bitch Better Have My Money: File this under the "forgot they were ever good category" as well. Before Ashanti, Ja Rule actually had a few bangers. He was also pretty awesome as a member of The Murderers. Not the most creative group name ever.
Wu-Tang Clan - And You Don't Stop: Classic O.D.B, standard RZA beat, excellent chorus (which is surprising because Wu-Tang, particularly after 36 Chambers, did a large percentage of their songs sans-chorus).
Honorable Mentions for other good contributors: Slick Rick - Impress The Kid, Montell Jordan - If I Die Tonight, Terror Squad - Terror Squadians, Too $hort - Tell The Feds,and Jay-Z - Can I Get A.

Modern Family is really funny. You should watch it.

Modern Family is the kind of special little show that makes sitting through all of the normal network TV dreck worth it. It isn't over the top, or in your face, or obscene; it is just charming, funny, and it makes you feel good when you watch. All of the characters, with the possible exception of Claire, are extremely likable. (It is sort of strange that I have found her to be pretty cold; the actress that plays her, Julie Bowen, was extremely sweet and sympathetic as Carol in, another understated, feel-good network comedy, Ed. Also, FYI, she is from Baltimore.)

I'm glad the writers have kind of moved away from the hip lingo shtick with Phil. If they had kept up the "keepin' it reals" with the same intensity as was present in the first couple episodes that well would certainly be dry by now. Thankfully, they have shifted the focus of Phil's jokes mainly to his semi-obvious, semi-creepy infatuation with Gloria, his step-mother-in-law.

Ed O'Neil is perfect in his role as old-fashioned, stuck in his ways, grouch who turns out, when pushed and prodded, to be pretty accepting. Despite his stubbornness, he is the glue that keeps the family together. After all, this show isn't about Phil's parents or siblings, or Cam's or Gloria's.

I like the choice the writers have made to let the viewer into the family details and back story incrementally and naturally. In each episode we get a new nugget that provides insight into who these characters are and how they ended up as a "family". This week's was that Cam, the big flamboyantly gay guy, was a standout division one offensive lineman in college and like Ed O'Neil's Jay, a big Fighting Illini fan. I hope in future episodes they give us a glimpse into how Jay and Gloria ended up getting together (sort of like the "Casablanca" bit last week with Cam and Mitchell). How does an balding, slightly overweight, at least semi-biggoted, old geezer end up marrying a fiery, young latina?

Lets just hope this show last long enough for us to find out. Unfortunately, it is promising, new shows like this that networks always seem to pull the plug on after a season; and yet somehow Big Bang Theory has been on for what seems like decades.

Sons of Anarchy goes Oz

First of all, how cool did SAMCRO look in those orange prison uniforms?

Some thoughts on the episode:

I was kinda hoping that the black dudes would wait until Dante (I think that was their target's name) had his johnson in or around Juice's mouth before bursting in. But, I guess that would have been a little too much for basic cable.

I was really liking the tension built through the heroes' incarceration. I think that they resolved the situation with their bail a little too soon; I would have liked to see the crew sweat it out in jail for at least the entire episode.

I was really pleased that the writers brought back some elements and characters from past seasons with this episode, particularly the reappearance of Agent Stahl. I hope she is back for good. Maybe her guilt over her involvement in Donna's murder will encourage her to help SAMCRO's crusade against the Nazi's in some way. I think Agent Stahl might be a reader of this blog; she agrees with me that maybe SAMCRO should get out of the gun running business. Jax should heed that advice. I am sensing that she and Jax might eventually join forces against Clay.

Speaking of Jax and Clay, I half-expected the two to hug-it-out after their wild prison fracas. (By the way, Jax's face wasn't nearly mangled enough after that fight. He would have definetly needed some reconstructive surgery. Also, if he was smart, he would have gotten in that fight before going to prison, he is way too pretty for jail.)

What do you think about the significance of Jax bringing up the Cohen situation? It seemed like kind of a throw-away line initially, but Stahl's stunned reaction made it seem pretty important. Pretty stupid thing for Jax to say to her, right?

Check back tomorrow for thoughts on Modern Family and whatever else I feel like putting up.

Letters to the Ravens

Dear Ray, Ed, T-Sizzle, Kelly Gregg, Jared Johnson and any other defensive player that his been with the team for awhile,
Do you guys remember what it used to be like for the Ravens? Back in the days of Boller and Billick. Back in the days when all you would ask is that the offense score at least 10 points. Now the offense puts up tons of points and the D can't get a stop when it matters. No more forcing timely turnovers, no more confidence that the D will come through when it really matters. What happened, guys? Did the departure of Bart, Rex and Jim Leonhard hurt the unit as much as it appears? Pull it together, use this bye week to do some soul searching and decide what kind of defensive unit you want to be, one that thrives on its past reputation or one that has an identity of its own.

Dear Chris Carr and Frank Walker,
You guys are way out of your league. You do not deserve to be out on the field on Sundays. Carr, on kick-offs and punts, you field the ball (if we are lucky) and run directly into the arms of the opposing tacklers. And god-forbid if you are inserted into the defensive secondary. Walker, you are just plain not good enough. You get burned repeatedly every game, you can't cover and your tackling leaves much to be desired. You should give half of your game check to Chris McAllister for being such a drunk and a loose cannon and burning every bridge here in Baltimore.

Dear Greg Mattison,
How did you get the job as the leader of one of the most innovative and feared defensive units in all of football with little to no NFL coaching experience? I know you are close Harbough family friend, but did you walk in on Jim and John practicing french kissing on each other as kids or something?

Dear Joe Flacco,
Thank you for the gutty performance yesterday. You went head to head with Brett Favre and didn't blink. Your expression, or lack thereof, on the sideline when Hauska missed the game winning kick said it all. You know you did all you could to win, your defense and kicker let you down.

Steve Hauska,
You better thank your lucky stars that Adam Vinatieri went down for 4 to 8 weeks. If he hadn't and Matt Stover was still sitting at home on his couch, you would be out of a job. Kill yourself.

Anita Marks in Playboy

*Warning: Link is NSFW*
By no means is this breaking news and it might even be fairly common knowledge, but I just found out about it, so I figured I share. Apparently, sports talk radio personality (and complete moron) Anita Marks posed for nude for a 2002 spread in Playboy. I discovered this because on his weekly radio show, Terrell Suggs responded to a barb from Marks in regards to his handsome contract with the Ravens with a retort about the amount of money she received from Hugh Hefner. It immediately got turned uncomfortable and Marks was noticeably offended. So I looked it up and came across this. Enjoy (well, maybe that isn't the right word).

Michael Imperioli Tequila Commercial

Anyone seen the new tequila commercial with Chrissy Moltisanti? I like the one where he kicks his feet up on the desk and knocks over the Patron bottle. I have one simple adjustment that would make that commercial infinitely more badass and Sopranos-y:
Michael Imperioli: "What happened to tequila? Nowadays its all velvet ropes and posturing. I dont know about you, but when I drink it I want to kick back and be myself"
He kicks his feet up on the desk and slouches back against chair, causing an object to fall from his waist band.
*Sound effect of gun hitting the floor*
Michael Imperioli: Oops.
He looks knowingly at the camera and leans behind the desk to pick up the object.
CUT.

Sons of Anarchy is Back!

I know I did quite a bit of hating last week, but the show more than redeemed itself with this week’s episode. This episode reminded me why I really like Sons of Anarchy. Here are some thoughts:



We found out that the Irish member of SAMCRO is named Chips (or maybe it is Chibs, I’m not really sure.) I like it when they give the more peripheral characters some face time on camera, even if they are just being blown up with a car-bomb. I would like to see more of the Prospect, he has kind of fallen by the wayside in this season. He was always good for a little comic relief (his character reminded me a little of the bartender at the Bing that Tony was always smashing over the head with telephone receiver).



There are some interesting relationship dynamics that have been developing:

Jemma/Tara – This relationship is fast become the most entertaining on the show. I like this duo much more as allies than I did when they were adversaries. The “fire arm incident”, as Jax referred to it, was the best scene of the episode by far. Jemma’s and Tara’s faces were priceless as they lit up the porn star’s car. Has anyone else noticed that for a doctor, Tara seems to have an awful lot of free time to hang out at the club house?

Jax/Clay – These two have been on a collision course since last season. Clay’s expression as he was put into the paddy wagon said it all. Pure hatred.

Jax/Opie – These two friends have found themselves on opposite sides of the Jax/Clay fued. Jax’s double-entendre about “losing his best friend” was corny, but telling. How long until Jax is forced to come clean to Opie about the truth of his wife’s killing?

Jax/Bobby – As Clay’s consigliere of sorts, it has been somewhat surprising that he has taken Jax’s side in the voting as of late. These two could be a formidable duo if Clay was to be removed from the picture. By the way, how desperate and pathetic did Clay come off when he trashed the cigar shop? He used to be cold and calculating, but this season he has fallen into trap after trap set by the Nazis.

Jax/Hale - What kind of cop allows a biker-gang member to accompany him (gun drawn) on patrol with him?


Lastly, did anyone stick around for the preview of next week’s prison episode? How badass does that look? People getting shanked in the yard, Jax and Clay going head to head…count me in!

Cincy shocks Baltimore and takes sole possesion of first place in the AFC North

I went to the Ravens game yesterday; sometimes when you are at the stadium you get swept up in the atmosphere and it is tough to really analyze the game. That said, here are some thoughts on the loss to Cincy:

Derrick Mason had zero catches. It didn’t even seem like Joe looked his way. This is mind boggling. Mason has been Flacco’s favorite target for the past two seasons but for some reason was completely absent from this weeks game plan.

Willis McGahee had only one carry. What happened to the “three headed monster”? I like Ray Rice, he always seems to pick up positive yardage and is a great dump down option for Flacco, but I would have like to see Willis involved more.

What the hell has happened to the Ravens defense? We all knew the secondary was questionable (and they proved this again by giving a touchdown through the air in the final minute), but since when does this D give up 120 yards on the ground to any running back, much less Cedric Benson? I mean, come on. The Ravens D could not get off the field and they allowed the Bengals to completely dictate the tempo of the game and dominate the time of possession. I am really starting to have serious doubts about Greg Mattison’s ability to come up with an effective defensive scheme that works in the NFL. Maybe we all took Rex Ryan for granted a little bit while he was here. I sure do miss the days of pre-snap “organized chaos”. Carson Palmer had all day to sit in the pocket yesterday. The secondary is suspect, but the front seven are not doing it any favors by allowing opposing quarterbacks to take as much time as they want to find an open receiver. Final thought on the defense: Didn’t that last touchdown drive for the Bengals remind you of the drive the Ravens gave up to Tennessee last season to lose that game?

I don’t want to blame the officiating for this loss, because that would take the onus the poor performance of the players and coaching staff. However, some of the calls that were made against the Ravens D were borderline at very best. This is now two weeks in a row that the outcome of the game has been at least partially decided by the officials.

I am very concerned about the challenge of going to Minnesota next week. If Palmer and Benson were able to make the Ravens defense look that pedestrian in Baltimore, imagine what Farve and Peterson could do in Minneapolis.

Thursday Night TV Extravaganza

Wow. Thursday night was an epic night of television. Two and a half straight hours of hilarity, most of it on NBC. Here is a run down of the highlights:

8:00 PM – Community
Initially I liked this show. I was intrigued by the notion of Joel McHale starring in his own sitcom along side Chevy Chase (who, by the way seems, to be competing with Ed O’Neil for the “Damn He Got Old Award”), some blond chick named after a popular water filtering pitcher, that black guy from the “Bro-Rape” sketch, Pete Campbell’s wife, and an Indian guy with mild autism. In the first episode, Joel McHale was snappy and charismatic. Unfortunately, the show, and McHale’s character, has become much less interesting and the laughs father and farther apart since. Now the funniest and most likable character is Abed, the Indian Raymond Babbitt.


8:30 PM – Parks and Recreation
Most underrated comedy on TV right now. The cast is superb. I had given up on Amy Poehler when she joined the cast of SNL. The move from Upright Citizens Brigade to SNL was kind of like a football player from a successful small college with a great program who is drafted by the Oakland Raiders. Al Davis might overpay to get you, but you are going to be part of something supremely awful. Rashida Jones is great. (Best semi-racist quote from my girlfriend of the night, "She doesn't even look black at all") It is getting to the point where I have to stare at the floor when she is on screen so I will be allowed to sleep in my own bed that night. She is that hot. She also has a pretty kick-ass resume. Check out her IMDB sometime (Here are the highlights: Freaks and Geeks, Boston Public, Chappelle’s Show, The Office, I Love You Man). The unsung hero of the show (and pretty much everything he appears in) has to be Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford. He absolutely fucking slays me. His 5 minutes of screen time in Funny People was exponentially funnier than any scene with Adam Sandler since The Wedding Singer.

9:00 PM – The Office (Hour-long Jim/Pam Wedding Special)
I loved the first 55 minutes of this episode. It was absolutely pitch-perfect and had more laugh-out-loud moments than I can count. For whatever reason, this episode seemed to use slapstick type humor more often than we are used to from The Office (the vomiting scene at the beginning, Andy ripping his scrotum) but it really worked well. To me, Kevin stole the show. He was hilarious as usual. I could have done without the whole dancing down the isle bit. It seemed like the writers took the easy way out with the end of the episode. It came off as gimmicky and trite. I would have been happier if they had used those 5 minutes to show a few more scenes with Jim’s brothers or Michael and Pam’s mom. This episode raises some serious questions about how the show will work in the future. A married couple in the office creates a whole new dynamic, one that at first glace does not appear particularly funny. But I trust that the people at The Office will find a way to make it work.

10:00 PM - Always Sunny In Philadelphia
I am starting to get worried. I love this show, and have since the first episode, however this season seems to have more chuckle moments than knee-slappers. As much as I like the idea and will probably try it this weekend, the wine-in-a-can bit seemed to miss. But, like always, Charlie saves the day. It is tough for me to hate on an episode that went to credits with me in hysterics.


-Salt The Snail!